I'm glad you made the appointment. I hope both you and DH will approach counselling with open minds and hearts and a willingness to work together. A good therapist should be able to help each of you gain some clarity around past events and facilitate communication between the two of you. Best of luck to you!

A good therapist won't take sides. If your doing this to try and "win" then it won't work.

Marriage counselors are to help facilitate communication between couples. They can help individuals recognize and express themselves. They may be able to paraphrase what is being said to help the other partner understand but they should never tell you who is right.

You were "deserted" because he was concerned about his other child. He felt that you could safely protect your joint child but BM's behavior was putting his other child at risk. You're not going to get him to see his actions as wrong. Nor do I feel they were. At the same time I understand the way you feel and your feelings aren't wrong either.

If your doing this just to have a professional tell him off your going to be disappointed.

You may not get what your want out of this. Be prepared a therapist will not flat out say you are right and he is wrong. If that is what you are looking for it will not work.

Keep an open mind and go into this looking for way to communicate with one another better. Also keep an open mind that your DH has a past and he has another kid as well. Maybe they will give you tools to help come to terms with that you married a man with a kid and ex-wife and they will always be a part of your life and family dynamic no matter what you do.

Best of luck just.

This is great for both of you. I hope that it helps you two to be able to communicate better and understand the other's viewpoint.

Like other posters have said try the counseling and hopefully it works. Just remember a counselor is just one person and if they take sides their opinion matters just about as much as any of the posters on here. Only you can decide what will make you happy. Personally...as I've said from the beginning... I wouldn't stick around. I guess it all depends on what you want or are willing to accept from a man? If you are OK with a guy that runs off to save BM and his son when disaster strikes and leaves you high and dry to fend for yourself and your little one, that is your choice. There are many women on here who have no problem with his actions but I would want more for my life than playing second fiddle to BM and SS. I would want a guy that moves mountains to ensure MY safety and the safety of OUR child.

Who is right or wrong is not the goal of counseling. Working on solid communication skills should be the goal. Your feelings are not wrong, his decision to stay was not wrong in his mind. Dwelling on the past actions without making a plan for better communication would be wrong.

Each of you needs validation and then move on.

It will take more than one appointment and likely individual sessions for you also. If the first counselor is not a good fit try another.

You should also work on a emergency plan for your family. Even if that means separate emergency fund accounts so that if you actually cannot communicate during an emergency then you know what funds you each have to use.
Role play different emergency plans and also do drills so the kids know what to do.

One question. When It was asked of you if BM could evacuate with you in your car during the hurricane....had DH already asked BM to do that before he talked to you? Or did he talk to you first and then it went no further...as in him not telling BM that Laney would not allow her to travel with you?
Didn't you have two vehicles in your family that you could have allowed her to use to caravan with you to a safe location? Thereby helping her but not having to travel hours in the same car.
Would she have even gone with you...since we have now found out that she had a boyfriend in the area that she rushed to spend time with the minute the storm passed.
What BM did or did not do is not the issue. It is the communication between you and DH. You could have both talked about the evacuation options then presented an option you agreed on to offer to help BM. She may have then still refused to offer and kept SS with her.
I would not offer her any deviations from the CO in the future based on all that happened lately.

Ultimately it is between DH and BM how to deal with SS matters.
Do not let that be the focus of your counseling. Rather focus on building your marriage up.

Either your DH is a grade-a a-hole, or your (both you and DH's) communication and listening skills are abysmal.

I'm in line to believe it's the latter. I think your DH is frustrated with you for immediately jumping to conclusions and then making crises where they don't or don't need to exist. On the flip side, I don't think he listens to anything you have to say about SS and BM and gets defensive, which causes him to shut down any real conversation. The result is you both doing what you want to do that punishes the other.

You are both right and both wrong. You both have to learn how to better communicate. That is what a counselor is going to teach you. They will not take sides or declare a "winner". Keep that in mind when you go in because they WILL find fault in your approach and WILL offer you tips on how to do better, in addition to helping your DH.

Um, why is everyone jumping down OP's throat for wanting to 'win'? She said she wanted counselling to help work through her feelings about her DH's behaviour. He said he was right... sounds like HE'S the one who's in it to win it.

Good luck Laney.

Laney I am glad you are going to counselling. Sounds like you are having a rough go with your DH. The hurricane saga was no doubt a turning point for you, especially since the Disney world vacation was still eating at you. For the record I can totally empathize how both events had made you feel minimized and not placed as DH's rightful partner.
I also hope the counsellor that you go to has specialized in step families, and the counsellor is not skewed to minimizing your role as DH's wife.
Hopefully you will leave this counsellor with new strategies on how to communicate your feelings effectively.

I'm going with something super profound here:

Communication is like makeup.

We are not born with ability to apply eyeliner and eye shadow (etc). We gradually learn and build on our foundation (pun totally intended).

We all get the basics, some are more skilled than others. At the same time, getting tips to improve only helps us. Styles change and sometimes as we get older, we need a little more maintenance to stay at our best. Sometimes we need a little assistance getting to that next level.

Well if you get a decent therapist your DH will be in for a rude awakening, because therapists and counselors should absolutely not take sides! Good for you for making the appointment!

Kudos to you for booking counselling..thats a good decision. I, however, feel your DH is being a patronising asshole. Saying that was insensitive and hurtful. Goes to show his thought procsss..hes doing it to appease you and is expecting to be validated with his cowardly decision to be by his ex wifes and SS side. He should have been with YOU and your TODDLER. Full stop. Period.

Please make sure the counselor specialises in blended/step families cuz we all know how biased they are if they have no true understanding of all the dramas step life brings.

Your DH shoukd be kissing your feet for choosing counselling rather than kicking his ass back to his ex and SS, like I would be doing.