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SD11 decides and MIL gets told


So yesterday my DH called me and asked about the party/ice skating on saturday. My 3 kids were invited to an old friend's daughter's birthday party on saturday. There isn't going to be a party per se, the mother (my friend) is paying for x number of kids to go ice skating at a local place.

So SDs aren't invited because they #1 don't know them #2 my friend's daughter has a limitation #3 she has other friends to invite. DH knows that it is going to be open to the public, so he wants to know when we are going. I was confused, OSD11 can't go ice skating because she breaks.

DH says if it's in the evening, he wants to take SD9. I told him it's an open day he can take her but he has to pay for her and him. My friend is paying for us. DH says no problem. Then I say what about OSD11. DH then tells me OSD11 bought tickets for a dance this saturday, so he isn't picking up OSD11, she can stay with BM.

Now DH wasn't consulted about the dance, and he isn't going to drive back to their town 1 hr 45 minutes away for OSD to go to said dance. I said why did BM "allow" OSD to buy a ticket on your weekend without consulting you. Here is where it gets good.

I said when did you find this out from BM. DH said BM called him and said "your daughter has something to tell you". BM puts OSD11 on the phone and she says "I bought a ticket to a dance and it's this saturday, I didn't know you had me this weekend". DH told her if you'd rather go to the dance and not spend time with me that's fine, you will be staying with BM.

I have no idea how the rest of the conversation went because I don't really ask much or too many details because DH gets upset. DH then tells me later on in the car that OSD11 took her own money to buy the dance tickets and didn't consult BM either. I find that odd because how was she going to get there?

So DH says "so she bought a ticket and didn't consult you and she's allowed to go?" BM says "yes" DH says "that's bullshit and she shouldn't even be going anyways".

Great parenting BM, she either is allowing her 11 year old daughter soon to be 12, make her own decisions or she is lying to DH and knew the whole time. Either way I think she's shitty. OSD11 made it clear that she "hates" coming here, so I think this was BM's and OSD's way so she didn't have to come. Usually DH won't get YSD9 either but he just broke that and is getting YSD for the weekend.

I am disengaged but damn, my kid did that and I'd be livid. That kid would have just lost her money and got punished. She isn't my kid but I wonder what other decisions she is going to be allowed (by bm) to make in the next few years. I told dh "you and BM are going to have a handful, good luck with that".

DH talked to his parents, stopped by there on the way home. MIL told DH that they wouldn't be home friday if he stops by because they are going to YSD9's game. So DH asked MIL if she would bring YSD home with her for DH. Apparently DH got a tad pissed because now I'm home everyday (working from home) and she hasn't said anything about visiting DD18mo. DH says to MIL "You can go run behind them but you don't come see DD at all" MIL apparently said "we dont want to intrude, I know SM is tired after work. DH told MIL "SM is home everyday, you can visit DD anytime, on the weekends you can call and we are normally home working in the yard anyways".

I have been upset that the MIL/FIL hasn't made any time for our daughter but haven't said anything for a long time. It isn't going to change, so why even bother. I just come home and forget it. MIL said when we moved out here (20 minutes from them) instead of being an hour and 1/2 from them, that it would be great because they'd be able to see DD so much.

Well apparently that only meant when we brought her over to them. I have stopped doing that because they hardly ever come here unless it's a holiday situation. They are both retired and it would be nice if they were involved with DD as other grandparents are but I gave up that hope a year ago.

Wow was all I could say about any of it. I think DH is finally seeing them all, BM, SD and MIL/FIL for who they are and I don't think he likes it much.


furkidsforme's picture

There's always something about those "first family" kids that the in-laws seem to love so much. I've never figured out why the second family kids seem to not matter. It's still their grandchild.


It baffles me so much more because OUR DD is the only one that looks like DH. You would think they'd cling to her because she looks just like THEIR ONLY CHILD.

Whatever. When she's grown up and don't give two shits, they'll see.

Ninji's picture

My ILS are the same way. They are retired too but only see the kids when we bring them to their house. We only live 10 minutes away. They missed both of the kids birthdays this year but drive over and put a card in the mail box for SD. Why not wait a few hrs and come over when we are actually home. The totally suck as grandparents.


Mine too and I had hoped the 2nd time around, I'd get lucky with granparents. Nope!

I have a friend, her mom is a great grandma. I can't wait to go see them, she will spoil all my kids. Smile

nengooseus's picture

My DH was adopted by his stepdad, so he has literally no genetic relationship whatsoever to the skids. He hadn't even met SS before we we got together. Even with all these factors, they could not be less interested in my DD. Sure, there's lip service, but it's half-a$$ed, at best.

Then again, they "stayed neutral" in the divorce between DH and his ex, which means that they gave DH absolutely no support, even though he needed it. They're even still friends with her and her whole family on Facebook. It's gross, and honestly, it all makes me think less of them.

fakemommy's picture

Good for your DH, although he could have said, no you are coming to my house and skipping the dance himself. It is on his time after all. I'd probably rather not have a sullen pre-teen in my house though, so I understand not pushing it. Also good with the in-laws, I read about so many women whose DH's just brush off the in-laws' obvious favoritism.


Its been a long road to get him here and most times he just reverts back to Disney dad.