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If you love someone, set them free. If they reconcile with BM they weren't really yours to begin with. . .

princessmofo's picture

Hello to all you exceptionally strong-willed, embattled step-talkers on this miserable rainy day. That is the question today. You remember the old saying, "If you love something set it free. If it returns to you it's yours. If it doesn't it was never yours to begin with." Well, I thought I would modify that a bit to fit some of our circumstances. If you let your dh/so/bf go would they reconcile with BM? I already know the answer to this for me personally...Yes. He would. He already did and year after they divorced and then lied about it when we met. So granted I have trust issues. But I think that if dh were to part ways (and inevitably we will) he would return to horseface bitch devil cunt. The heavens would open, champagne would rain down from the skies, dogs and cats would live together, basically mass hysteria would ensue. But honestly, BM is so totally ingrained in DH's life that I know that's the way the rock would roll. So tell me, do you think BM would weasel her way back into your dh/so/bf's life if you stepped aside?


Elizabeth's picture

No way in hail! DH would move on to a new woman, yes, but he wouldn't go back to BM. He's the kind of man who "needs" a woman in his life. To the point that pretty much any woman will do. It's his biggest fault. He's lucky I came along, otherwise he'd have kept bouncing from woman to woman for the rest of his life.

step off already's picture

My DH despises BM, so no. Hence the restraining order he has against her and his unwillingness to every speak to her.

I'm pretty sure that my ex would get back with me if I wanted to though. We are both remarried now, so that's not going to happen and I'm not interested in that: been there, done that!

Shaman29's picture

DH would pour gasoline on his man parts and set them on fire, rather than allow Uberskank go anywhere near him again.

He cannot even stand to look at her or hear the sound of her voice. He is so looking forward to his kids' 18th birthday in the fall, because he will not have to deal with Uberskank directly after that point.

queen-B's picture

I am laughing so hard I almost spit coffee out my nose Biggrin This is my guy's reaction to a T.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Absolutely NOT. DH despises BM. After being with a woman like me, his standards have been raised radically. Someone like BM would never do.

HungryEyes's picture

No, I don't believe SO would ever go back to BM and if I ever believed it, I could NOT be in a relationship with that person. I need to know that shit is over.

RedWingsFan's picture

Nope, no way in Hell. He can't stand the woman and has wished her dead many times since their divorce a few years ago...I told him I hope she stays kicking and alive at least until stepdevil14 is 19 and we are under NO obligation to care for her anymore...

misSTEP's picture

That's exactly how my DH would feel too. No WAY he'd reconcile with BM. At one time, maybe for the skids' sake but they are grown now.

And I thought I was the only one who listened to Weird Al. According to my RL friends, I am!

Shook's picture

I'd PADLOCK my chastity belt if that ever happened. BM would totally try. But if she ever succeeded in getting DH back, I'm sorry I just couldn't. I already lose my female boner for a whole week every month I have to hear her in court. No way. If I set DH free & he goes into the hot mess of Lavagina, I'd find an even better lawyer than what we have already.

herewegoagain's picture

Although he says no, although he never mentions her now, although he claims to be disgusted because of what she did to him, the fact is that I wouldn't put it pass him. He claimed she was a good woman when we first got together except she was a jealous crazy woman...honestly, I would not put it past him. I do believe that is why he is so jealous of my male friends from before we in particular. I think he knows he'd hop in the sack with nasty again and worries I would do the same.

princessmofo's picture

I feel ya. I get the same reaction from my dh regarding my male friends. I think psychiatrists refer to this a "projecting". In other words, they are nervous about your behavior because they are guilty of it.

z3girl's picture

Like others have said, DH would find a new woman in 5 minutes because he hates being alone, but there's no way DH and BM would get together again. BM now prefers women anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if DH tried to get back with his ex-gf (after BM but before me) but he knows that wouldn't work in the long-term either.

Oddly, I think BM and DH were well-suited to each other. They can be mean and nasty, and are not very good at being sentimental. And both love SD22, and are not good at parenting!!

princessmofo's picture

He didn't cheat. We weren't together yet. But he did lie about the reconciliation repeatedly. I asked him to clarify when we were dating. He said that they tried to reconcile a year after they divorced but it only lasted a couple months. Bullshit! It lasted another calendar year in which they co-habitated again! I just hate that he couldn't be honest with me and it didn't all come to light until after we were married. If I had known this, I wouldn't have married him. We started dating just a few months after they broke up for the second time but that's not how he made it sound. And she attempted to get him back, yet again, the first year we were married by sending him texts about still "being in love with him". Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth again. . .

Anne Boleyn's picture

No. But we would con some other unsuspecting lady into hitching up to his one big happy family fantasy train.

BSgoinon's picture

BM would certainly TRY, but DH would never go back to her. She has STDs now that he doesn't want. She is gutter trash and if was gonna leave me, he had better DO BETTER and not revert back to the old shit he ran from. He doesn't give her the time of day, ever.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

Have sex with her no, but play the fantasy family game again yes maam he probably would just to have a better relationship with SS.

Newstep's picture

I hope he wouldn't but I am not sure. I kinda think he would. Not so much that he loves her but its easier with his kids plus I don't think he would want to go through the BS again with someone else. IF SD were over 18 and we broke up I think it would be a lesser chance. But BM would slink back in like she used to and he would do it just because it was easy and would make his kids happy.

They have a history of breaking up and getting back together before they got married. Once married they stayed together for 16 years all together it was about 22 years since they first got together. That is a long time to have someone in your life. I do believe he still has feelings for her too buried deep down. In my opinion you can't really hate someone so much that you don't care about.

Now he knows she is a terrible wretched person. But stranger things have happened.

One of my best friends married a guy that was another best friends ex-husband. The two friends didn't really know each other well. But I witnessed best friend being treated by absolute shit by the ex-husband. Terrible stuff name calling, disrespect, he even spit in her face once!!! This went on for years. He couldn't even stand to be in the same room with her he hated her so much.

So he and other best friend divorce and he was back with the other best friend in about 5 seconds!!! I still can't believe it sometimes. I mean this guy hated her so much and went running back to her and she took him back!!!! They have been together for about 5 years and are happy as can be. I don't talk to her much or see them because I moved away. But they are going strong.

The other best friend said she wasn't really shocked because she could always tell he still had some feelings because he hated her so much!!! Not I am sure there is more to it. But based on what I witnessed of his treatment of her over the years I can't believe that they got back together :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

bulletproof's picture

Nope. He has been there and done that and would not do it again.

And honestly, I would try my damndest to get something in our decree that if they got back together he would not be allowed to have our kids around her. Not sure if that is feasible, but I would poke myself with needles until I died before I would willingly hand my kids over to her.

somedevilishbeauty's picture

DH has in the past gone back with BM both times we split up while we still were dating. The second time she broke up with her BF for him, and 2 days later DH realized why they split in the first place and saw how good he had it with me. we made up within the week, and BMs was left with no one. her BF wouldnt take her back..... it does bother me to think that if we ever did have problems in the future that she might try to weasel her way back into his life like she did the other two times, but i trust DH.

attempting_to_maintain_composure's picture

Not a chance. If SO & I ever split up, he definitely would not return to GUBM. He wishes all ill will and death upon GUBM on a regular basis. I'm sure GUBM probably wishes that he would ditch me and crawl back to her - so they could get back together? So she could laugh in his face and say "NO WAY"? I'm not sure - but I know for a fact that SO would never even dream of that.

oldone's picture

DH has told me that he still loves BM. He ruined my wedding day telling me that he did not love me more.

BM (after DH left her twice and she cheated) is now remarried and seems to be happy with her ex addict DH.

I think if BM were free DH would attempt to reconcile with her if I dropped dead. SS is long grown (27) so it would not be about "the kids".

But it would never work. DH divorced her twice because he couldn't stand living with her.

He just is eaten up with guilt - that she has encouraged - because he "ruined her life".

Sometimes it drives me crazy. But I know he is not "in love" with her, never talks to her, never thinks about her, etc. He still feels guilty about his marriages to her.

Me - I think she is a skank CU next Tuesday. This is why DH will not get a penny of my money.

Shook's picture

OldOne...did he actually tell you on your wedding day??? How do you even tell a woman that---on your wedding day?! Oh lord, I would have thrown the buffet table at him! Or smothered him with the Hilton pillows in his sleep. How on earth did you manage to survive the reception?