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OT: Who thinks their dh/so/bf needs to grow a pair? Show of hands please. . .

princessmofo's picture

I've been reading some of the posts today and it just got me to thinking about guts and the lack there of in many of our dh/so/bfs. The things that the skids and bms get away with is in direct proportion to their inability to grown some balls and "man up". Perhaps I am simply cut from a different cloth, but I lack the restraint to repeatedly allow someone to manipulate and cut me up. But the men-folk differ somehow. They seem to have a sea of tolerence when it comes to being treated that way. I always believe that people will continue to treat you as they see fit until You put a stop to it. So what has become the standard remains, because dh/so/bfs have done nothing to remedy the situaiton. And how did they come to accept this as the norm? So what I'm asking is for some anticdotal proof. If your dh is a stand-up guy, let me know. If not, bitch it out here, ladies. Smile

Comments

misSTEP's picture

It wasn't so much that my DH needed to grow a pair, he just had been brainwashed by BM into thinking that she had all the power and he needed to kowtow to her.

Once I came into the picture and educated him on what rights he had as a father, he found his pair quite quickly. And of course, I became a she-devil because I "changed" him.

princessmofo's picture

Yes, we are all just "evil" aren't we? We "changed" them from spineless little infractions of men, bm puppets, to "free" thinkers. How dare we?! Won't someone please, think of the children?! LMFAO! Good for you, misSTEP! Smile

misSTEP's picture

Think of the best interests of the children...exactly!

Love your kids more than you hate your ex. That's how I raised my own son. It wasn't his fault that his dad and I couldn't make our relationship work. I love my son too much to use him as a pawn in some sick, twisted attempt for revenge.

[And in reality, good for my DH because I would NEVER have been able to take watching MY MAN bow down to some slut who just so happened to get knocked up from (supposedly) him! Dirol ]

bi's picture

i've been blamed for "changing" fdh for 4 years now, but not by bm. it's sd who thinks i changed him. funny because he seems exactly the same to me now as he ever was. :?

whatwasithinkin's picture

BM has dicked DH over half a million times. The latest being (and dumbass has not learned yet and I kept my mouth shut)

CO states SD13 was due here for Easter. ( cost for such trip is Co'd as split evenly) We have SD17 She has SD13.

She calls ummm mid Feb, can SD17 come there for Easter break at her cost and then she would send SD13 split cost the following week per the CO. DH says yes. DUMB.

He tells her to go head and book SD17 ticket.

I would have agreed but insisted both tickets be booked and paid for at the same time. Because what I know and what you know is we were getting a ticket for SD17 but SD13 was never coming for Easter.

I was right.

MY question was: have you said anything to her and what is your next step.

His response? What can I do.

Really? Asshole

misSTEP's picture

That was an issue for me, too. Even though he KNEW that she was a liar. Even though he KNEW that she was a cheater. He would still believe whatever she said.

Finally, once we argued about it (I kept telling him to find the information on his own instead of expecting BM to provide it), I said, "If BM told us the sky was blue, I'd run outside just to make sure it hadn't changed color!!!"

I think that finally got through to him. She is/was a drama queen and there was no telling what she said if it was the truth or just something to get the drama show on its way.

Newstep's picture

OMG this is my situation. How SO believed anything BM said blew my mind. :? :? She is all about drama and as long as she had him in her web she would use him for her drama. He finally got it!! Took a while Blum 3

ybarra357's picture

My DH sure was lacking in the nutsack department. But it wasn’t really against BM in my case, but his grown ass adult kids. He was so scared of them it wasn’t funny. He sat by and quietly watch them destroy my personal belongings, steal my stuff and treat me like crap. When I finally realized that I was allowing this shit just as much as he was I finally stepped up and ripped his fat bitch adult daughter a new one (much to DH’s horror LOL). Never had a problem since. Wish I would have done it sooner.

They’re all out of my house and I don’t have squat to do with them.

StepX2's picture

I'd say my guy only got back half the pair so far, but he's working really well towards getting that other one back so then he can finally have a complete set again!!

Anne Boleyn's picture

One of our first epic fights about BM ended with me leaving for work by YELLING "If you want me to continue to be with you, you had better tell your damn ex wife that you need your balls back from her purse!!!" and then I slammed the door and left.

He's gotten better but it still kills me how much he lets her get away with. I think he'll continue to improve as I am consitently working on un-doing a lot of the damage she's done to his psyche. I tell him over and over that he's a good father and that he really needs to stop believing her when she tells him otherwise. He's also got to continue to learn that she is his EX wife and that I won't allow some other woman to run my home. Period.

misSTEP's picture

That's the problem that a lot of DHs won't admit and society as a whole doesn't really discuss much: how much verbal and emotional abuse these guys have taken and how much their self-esteem is in tatters by the time the relationship fails beyond repair.

It's a lot easier for bullies to pick on people who don't stand up for themselves. It's a lot easier to get someone to quit standing up for themselves if you shred their self-esteem.

princessmofo's picture

I could not agree more! And, in my case anyway, horsefaced bitch devil cunt bm is a classic bully. She uses the tactic time and again. Except on me. I wonder why? My nerves of steel have truly helped dh learn how to better navigate her river of bullsh*t. I adhere to the "Chicago" way. Come at me with a knife, I come back with a gun. Send one of mine to the hosptial, I send one of yours to the morgue. I mean that strictly metaphorically however. But you get my point. }:)

Anne Boleyn's picture

It took me a long time to realize that was the source of a lot of issues with him. I've now come to realize that it's not even the post-divorce guilt and abuse that's causing it. No matter what that man did, she was never happy. He was making a ton of money, commuting into the city daily and giving her the life of a priveldges SAHM with a part-time nanny, housekeeper, beautiful home, etc... But she was also mad that he wasn't home exactly by 6PM. She rarely slept with him, beat him down, and basically treated him for 20 years like he was her servant. He would get home from work, cook dinner 50% of the time, clean up if she cooked, bathe the kids and put them to bed. Sounds like a bad man, huh? None of this made her happy.

So deep down, he's always felt like an inadequate man and father. That is going to take a lot of undoing.

misSTEP's picture

Similar situation here. She didn't work. She never worked. He was busting butt working 60+ hours a week (not including his 1.5 hour commute) and she would get in screaming matches with him because HE didn't want to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby!

Then, she got him to pretend that he was renting the place to her (instead of living there himself, yeah, stupid, I know) and proceeded to serve him with CS papers WHILE THEY LIVED TOGETHER.

Why he didn't kick her to the curb immediately is beyond me.

B22S22's picture

There are days he has them, then days you'd think he was standing in ice-cold water cause the little suckers disappear.

goincrazy.com's picture

My FDH needed a pair when I was with him after I saw wtf was goin on. I'm pretty outspoken, have a quick temper and hold a grudge- I let everyone know where I stood. I gave FDH a timeline (we had to agree to disagree but she was still on her way out!) with SD21- She moved out 5 months sooner }:)

SD15 money grubbing manipulating evil brat- she comes over mayb 1 or 2x a month AND she chose to not do a summer job intership which was a GREAT opportunity for her bc she doesn't wanna work ...........$ stops

I've been more patient then I ever knew I had in me but we are making progress. Somedays I see the light, others I'm living in hell. Therapy helps a ton, our therapist has 40 years experience with teens, marriage, blended family counseling and it helps !

arjuna79's picture

Well, if I look at things in the greater context, DH spent 30+ years being abused by XW's tribe (and then herself), PAS'ed in his own home, beaten down and told he was a no-good father to their 5 kids (WTF. He was an amazing father, just not like his xw's daddy)... then did the usual tragic "buy my way out" maneuver which left him broke but her still with his balls in the vault... and just now, 10 years later, he's got his Alpha Male mojo on. They have such a different internal process. So when ysd22 gets married in June, he's now asking me to go with him, because "our life is what matters" and is bigger than that tribal crazy, and because he has vowed to close the door on those patterns/dynamics/toxicity. ("once ysd is married, there's really no reason for xw to contact me") So it looks like we'll go together, and take one last big step out of that mess. ( Except for the 2 kids who already embrace us in our life.)

So that was a full-time job. For the past 10 years.

arjuna79's picture

I came out of a crazy abusive (ethnic) tribe... and they look like girl scouts compared to his former situation. His stories are horrific. So this is a huge step for him and so I will be right there for him. He is no longer what that tribe (that now includes some of his kids) insisted he was.

The good news is that healing is possible. Hang in there Smile

Sweetnothings's picture

Yep !! Waving my hand in the air !!

I'm pi** ed off with DH today anyway, but he really needs to find some balls ...... While we're at it, he could do with a spine ( seriously missing too ) ..... Oh and a new brain, because the one he has seems to be permanently confuddled concerning the Adult skids .....

Unfreakingreal's picture

DH's balls have been peeking out from under the rock they were hiding a little more often now. He stood up to his family, (it only took 11 years) and now we don't speak to ANY of them because of the way they have treated me thruout the years.
He doesn't let BM manipulate him as much as he used to. Surprisingly enough, the fact that I have backed off and that I hardly ask or question ANYTHING that involves BM may have something to do with it.
Just last week he told SD12 to call her mother and tell her to have the detergent ready so she can wash her daughters clothes because for the last few weekends she's been telling SD that WE need to wash her school uniform.
Honestly, I don't mind washing it since I'm doing laundry anyway, but I guess it pissed off Dh that she wants US to do her job.
"So welcome back ball sack, it's nice to finally meet you!!!"

princessmofo's picture

"So welcome back ball sack, it's nice to finally meet you!!!" ROFLMAO!!!! Yes, yes, yes!!!

Sweetnothings's picture

Yep !! Waving my hand in the air !!

I'm pi** ed off with DH today anyway, but he really needs to find some balls ...... While we're at it, he could do with a spine ( seriously missing too ) ..... Oh and a new brain, because the one he has seems to be permanently confuddled concerning the Adult skids .....

Onefootout's picture

Depends on who he's dealing with. My SO didn't have as much with previous wives but he sure found them with me. He has no problem shutting me down when I start complaining, but when SS16 starts protesting, he always tries to let him down gently.

He's been divorced twice. With me he takes the attitude of 'I'm done letting women do this and that to me and I'll be damned if I let you do the same. He's well versed in shrink for men.com and all that since his last ex/borderline psycho.

katielee's picture

My DH has a reputation for having BALLS. I mean, Bazungas. He wrestles gators, will pick up a rattlesnake without a second thought, and NOBODY will mess with him in a fight because his reputation precedes him... But when it comes to BM and SD11, I have to wonder where he puts them.

He tells me about my grown sons that I need to "pop the tit out" of their mouths. Maybe he needs to pop his balls out of BM's? I have been thinking about telling him that.

RedWingsFan's picture

You know, it's funny but DH HAS them (he used to ride bulls for fuck's sake!) with everyone except BM and SD (in the beginning of our relationship anyway). He's changed for the better for the most part, but I still see him wavering from time to time and have to remind him where his balls reside.

I think sometimes *I* have bigger ones than he does! LOL Except when there's a big spider in the apartment. Then I sic my kitty on it and watch to be sure he eats the damn thing before it has a chance to run under something! Smile

katielee's picture

LOL...spiders are the ONLY thing I know of that my dh is afraid of (unless you count sd11's pout). He actually shoots them with a pellet gun. But of course here in Florida spiders are HUGE.

RedWingsFan's picture

Yes, I remember those huge ass spiders there. I lived in both Daytona Beach and Tampa. They are gargantuan!

princessmofo's picture

I must be a weirdo. I pick them up and put them outside. It makes my kids and dh squirm. Snakes too. No fear. Pick them up. Lizards, check. But clowns. . . now that shiz freaks me the hell out! I can't go to the circus because it literally overloads my fear factor.

RedWingsFan's picture

I can't do spiders! Snakes, lizards, whatever but no spiders or scorpions. Thankfully, there are no scorps here but the spiders in Colorado are abundant. My kitty LOVES bugs and eats anything that moves!

Wedschilde's picture

*raises hand!*

You will enjoy this story. And by enjoy, I mean roll your eyes and laugh.

DH paid for his kids bday party at Dave and Buster's. It was arranged that BM would attend the first hour and he would come the second hour, since God forbid she should be able to put aside her personal bitterness for a special occasion and actually be in the same room with him.

So, you know where this is going, right? She didn't leave when her hour was up. She stayed for the entire time the room was paid for. And instead of just going in anyway and letting her have the consequences of that behavior (i.e., seeing him?), HE SAT IN THE CAR IN THE PARKING LOT UNTIL SHE DECIDED TO LEAVE.

Christ on a cracker.

princessmofo's picture

*rolling eyes as you predicted* Holy hell! You have my utmost respect, Wedschilde. I think I would have gone ballistic on his shiz. That's just sad.

RedWingsFan's picture

Thanks princessmofo! I missed y'all too! My DD15 had us constantly on the go and when we were at home, she commandeered my laptop. This site is too hard to follow on my smartphone, so I just figured I'd wait till I got back to work to try and catch up.

It's nice to come here and feel like a part of, oh I don't know, a camaraderie, family, friendship, whatever it is to everyone here. I know I look forward to being here every day!

hismineandours's picture

I think my dh is currently growing into his pair. I do believe there was a point in which he was lacking. He let lots of stuff go with bm because "I dont want to argue with her". He even let ss rage, tantrum, misbehave because it was simply "easier". He allowed his parents/siblings to take advantage of him for years and years because it was easier than admitting what horrid people they were!

He has improved greatly over the years-but still he will occassionally struggle with finding his balls with ss. This kid will be 15 in just a few days. And I swear my dh is afraid of confronting him on anything. It's really sort of a nonissue at this point as ss told dh 3 months ago that he was done with him and no longer had a father. So dh does...nothing. Back a couple of years ago when ss first moved in with my mil and dh called mil and ss and said I want ss to visit weekly and when ss never showed up even promising the night before he would-dh did...nothing. When ss goes to school and tells classmates that dh has a pot farm in our garage and that dh offered him pot daily if he'd be nice to me-only ss decided he could not be so we kicked him out-dh asked him about it-ss said no, that's not what I said, despite all of us knowing he absolutely did say it-dh does...nothing. When ss got kicked out of bms house for smoking pot and growing it in her front yard and lied to dh that he only did it once-dh did...nothing (well, scratch that he did tell him how he shouldnt do that and blah blah to which ss responded that he was the worst father ever)and dh did...nothing. I cant' quite figure out if it is lack of a ballsack or what? I've asked him directly whats up with the NONresponse and he's told me that he just doesnt know what to do, feels like whatever he does will not help, so, yeah, he just does nothing. When in reality, is that this kid is so screwed in the head and partially because his parents have never really stood up to him his entire life and said "look, you are making shitty decisions. These shitty decisions you are making are causing all the problems you are having in your life. You need to stop blaming others and change what you are doing.You are the common denominator in all your problems" Instead I feel like they both have tiptoed around this kid, not wanting to deal with his tantrums, not wanting to get in argument and accuse him of lying (when it doesnt take even half a brain to figure that out), so it has lead this kid to believe that he is responsible for NOTHING> that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him-it is just literally everybody else in the whole world that is jacked up.

I have no idea why ssstb15 REALLY thinks he was asked to leave the house. My guess is he thinks it was simply because I didnt want him there-which I guess is, in part, true. But the reason I,nor his father, nor his sibligns wanted him there is because of his horrendous behavior. I cant fathom why when my dh told ss that it would be necessary for him to leave he did not actually TELL him, "Hey, kid, I opened my home and heart to you-and myself, my wife, and the otehr kids did our best to make you feel welcome and to ease your adjustment-and for chrissake you repay us by stealing my wife and daughter's panties!!!! And if that werent enough you bullied, both physically and emotionally the other children, your defied and disrespected every single person in this house on a daily basis, refused to follow even the most basic of rules or comply with even the simplest requests because your main goal was to be a straight up asshole every single day you were here!!! That is why, my son, you cannot live in this house!!! To me-this sort of statement would not only show balls-but might actually have a slim chance of getting in thru this kids skull that he is being held accountable for the choices he makes and that is the way life is. Unfortunately, dh just told him, "you are going to have to find somewhere else to live. Do you want to live with mamaw or your bm?"