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OT sort of -- Update to my personal Hell with exH...

princessmofo's picture

Greetings fellow Stalkers, 

As some of the old timers here are familiar with my history I have a crazy exH.  Quite literally and certifiably crazy.  Guilty of parental kidnapping 10 years ago and absconding to Canada with our two minor children post divorce.  Diagnosed schizophrenic with paranoid delusions. Well, looney tunes just doesn't know when to quit.  He reared his head again earlier this year.  Apparently his time spent as a guest of the Federal Corrections facility didn't deter him.  

Upon his conditional mental health release, as he was incompetent to stand trial, 5 plus years ago he was to maintain psychological counseling, medication and gain employment.  Also, he was not to own a firearm and such information pending his release was to be sent to the FBI Federal database prohibiting him from obtaining one legally (failed background check).  CSE caught up with him and he began to repay the $28K in back support.  Somehow this embolden him to think he should have custody.  Back to court we go, again.

The GAL that was assigned to my case was a useless sack of dicks.  After repeated interviews with looney tunes, myself, and the children he thought it was best they all be "reunited in a therapist's office".  I and the children vehemently protested this.  A therapist is not armed, no metal detectors.  Not a damn thing to stop him from walking in with a gun and killing everyone (a threat that had been emailed repeatedly to me in the past).  And I eventually, after consutling my older son's therapist (ASD and PTSD from the kidnapping) devised a plan. I would agree to supervised visits only with a sheriff's deputy present at a transitional center. The judge thankfully agreed with me seeing as she was familiar with his shenanigans and past actions (original judge from the divorce/custody proceedings).

Supervised visits lasted all of seven weeks.  Looney tunes, as I predicted, could not hide his true colors for long.  He opted to go off his med because he felt "good" then the paranoia set in.  The government was after him, I had an affair with an FBI agent, I worked for the government, etc.  Allow me to add as a sidebar that if any of these things were true this useless f*ckstick would have been swimming with the fishes long ago.  So the harassing emails begin, not only to me but my attorney and the judge.  Demanding to see the children at once, he has rights, they may move in with him if they like, and similar vitriol and word vomit.  He fires his attorney and decided to represent himself. 

At this point, myself and the children can predict the pattern.  We install a Ring doorbell camera (the best $200 I ever spent, Stalkers) and I legally purchase a firearm for our protection.  The judge revokes his visits.  And I obtain an order of protection for myself and the children in early July.  On the 4th he shows up unannounced in our cul de sac whilst we are having a block party with our neighbors.  I retreat with the kids inside and call the police.  Seeing as he resides in a different town he had yet to be served the order of protection so I am told by the police, "their hands are tied".  Yeah, thanks fellas.  So we spent the evening to the 4th in Crazy town and wait over two hours in the police station insisting someone serve him.  They do and looney tunes will not open his bedroom door, lives with his elderly parents, and the police have to slide the papers under the door to him.  So you can intimidate a woman and her children but when the police are beating down your door your suddenly the spineless coward I always knew you to be...

Two weeks go by and I have my hearing in front of the judge to make my order of protection permanent.  By the way, did you know if you have a restraining order against someone they are not to possess a firearm?  More on this later.  Looney tunes is all over the place.  Actually telling the judge he is a "sovereign citizen" and the laws of this land do not apply to him and he is part of an elaborate conspiracy.  He also insisted that I answer a 20 question inquiry regarding things he perceived to have happened 11 years ago.  Ya know, my time with the government and my FBI lover.  *insert eye roll here*  The judge promptly shut him down, asked him if he possessed a firearm (which he refused to answer) and granted my a two year order of protection prohibiting him from coming within 1000 feet of us or our residence.

Two more weeks go by and looney tunes finally puts the final nail in his coffin.  Apparently, this bag of nuts managed to obtain a girlfriend.  She promptly broke it off with him when he stopped medicating and the layers of mental illness started spilling through, smart girl.  He becomes obsessive with this newest target.  As he can not get to me, that fixation has to find a new hold.  He goes for her.  He attempts to break into her apartment and assaults her.  She manages to flee to a neighbor's and call the police.  The police pull him over and find, get this, $1200 cash, his passport, a stolen gun with a round chambered and three loaded magazines, and the coup de grace, meth amphetamines.  Naturally, because the crazy person should be taking meth.

The next several days of my life are spent speaking with the ATF, local law enforcement, the FBI, and other government agencies.  Apparently, upon his conditional release someone dropped the ball and the FBI was not informed of his mental health issues.  This would have prevented him from obtaining a legal firearm.  Something he did manage to do repeatedly.  The ATF found a storage locker with over a dozen firearms he had obtained legally. High powered assault rifles as well as hand guns and enough ammo to take over a third world country.

So this has been my reality for the better part of the year.  He is currently in Federal custody with no possibility of release anytime soon.  My oldest son is now 15, youngest 12.  Hopefully, they will age out before he can ever darken our doorstep again.  But that doesn't detract from the fact that this lunatic is dangerous.  I had warned multiple law enforcement agencies, along with my lawyer, years ago of what he was capable of.  He was still released.  And he offended again. 

What will it take to keep him locked up?  A mass shooting?  The way that this was handled disgusts me.  I was treated as a vindictive BM who wanted to keep her children from a father.  My concerns were literally minimalized by the GAL, as were the children's.  He was owed a "chance" by society's standards.  The f*ck he was!  Somehow I have managed to be villainized as both a SM and a BM.  We will spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulder.  Thankfully my judge granted me a default ruling and I never have to disclose my location should we move, which we plan very soon, I never have to notify him of passports or obtain a signature and he has no visitation, period. But none of this changes the fact that they system failed us, once again and I can't help feeling jaded by it all.  I hope this is the end of this story but I'm less than optimistic.  
 

 

 

 

Comments

Ispofacto's picture

Wowwww.

I thought Satan was crazy...

So glad you and your kids are safe.  

 

hereiam's picture

Geez, mofo, I'm glad he didn't get to you or the kids. I hope they lock him up for a long time.

Merry's picture

Wow. Maybe you need to FIND an FBI lover who can help keep a lookout for Looney.

This is an awful story. So glad you and your kids are safe.

ndc's picture

Wow.  It is lucky that you were as diligent as you were and watching out for your kids and yourself.  Sadly, it's often the case that you can't rely on anyone else to protect you.  I'm disgusted to hear that the GAL didn't represent your children's best interests, though.  I hear about that too much.  Best of luck to you - I hope Looney Tunes stays locked up for a loooooooong time.

Lollybobs's picture

Bloody hell! This 'give them a chance' business is insane. Thankfully you and your kids are safe and he is behind bars. Let's hope he stays there for a LONG time.

advice.only2's picture

The justice system is a shit show, hopefully they don't drop the ball again and he gets his chance at massive carnage. 

SecondGeneration's picture

Yup time to pick up sticks and relocate. That was too much of a close call. 

Indigo's picture

I had forgotten just how bad your ex was. 

We loosely toss around psycho babble here --- narcissist, psychopath, bipolar, sociopath, personality disordered --- and most of us have no real understanding of what true mental health derailment looks like.  Folks google stuff, make armchair diagnoses, frequently supported by their personal counselors and friends which results in a whole lot of "crying wolf," in my opinion.  Well-being, under-educated people within the purview of the court system seem rather immune to true crises dealing with mental illness.  

Stay safe. I'm sorry that this nightmare has no clean ending. {Hugs}

notsurehowtodeal's picture

This kind of situation is all too real - I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. I'm in Colorado and last month a judge gave a Mom full custody of her son due to the Father's issues, including a history of violence, but left the kid with the Father for one more night. The father killed his son and himself. Don't know the details because is just happened tonight, but a man killed his ex-wife and physically took his kids. He died in a confrontation with the police and the kids witnessed everything.

Continue to advocate for yourself and your kids and stay safe. I admire the lengths to which you have had to go to to keep your family safe. What a messed up system.

Aniki's picture

Oh hon, I'm so sorry you've been living this nightmare!!! I hope that nutbag falls into a vat of piranhas. Prayers for you and your children. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

susanm's picture

I never thought that the phrase "thank God for meth!" would spring into my mind!  But that combo of drugs, guns, and money will keep him in prison for a nice long stay on top of everything that he has done to you and your kids.  That is a nice "insurance policy."  I second the hope that he crosses the wrong fellow inmate and they put him out of his misery!

Wishing health and happiness and safety for you and your kids.  I hope that you can gather resources together and just disappear if that will give you the security you need to thrive.  I know that would be my first instinct.  You are on the registry that will alert you if he is every released, right?  But honestly crossing my fingers for you that never happens.  Prison is a scary place and someone who hides in a bedroom at mommy's house is going to be a target.  Good!  Let him know how that feels!!!!

princessmofo's picture

Thank you everyone for all your encouragement and kind words.  I greatly appreciate it.

Gimlet's picture

Damn Mofo.  I miss seeing you around here and I'm so sorry to learn how profoundly sick and dangerous your ex has become.   Wishing safety and peace for your family.

LuluOnce's picture

I am so sorry you have had to go through this, but also so glad you posted your story because BM here has schizo-affective disorder and bipolar II with psychosis. She goes through so many of the hallucinations and conspiracies you have experienced with your exH (she hasn't been able to get guns yet, though she's tried). Knowing you and your kids are safe and your exH is locked away gives me hope.

DH and BM usually have 50/50 custody but every 12-18 months, BM has a psychotic episode and DH has to fight for full custody. He wins, but soon after, BM gets it together long enough to persuade a social worker that she should be reunified with her kids and we start this whole process again. She gets 50% custody back, goes off her meds, slips into a psychotic episode that eventually results in full custody to DH and a temporary restraining order against BM. She then "goes into treatment" and comes out "ready to parent". Rinse and repeat. 

It is horrible. I feel as if I am walking down a long, pitch black hallway, knowing at any moment she will attack us but never knowing when that moment will come. The stress of scanning every parking lot for her car, checking every aisle at the grocery store, reading all the horrible threats in texts and emails or even voicemails when she's in an active hallucination... it's like nothing I have ever felt before. The kids are afraid to sleep sometimes; if they hear noises outside or car doors closing when people park on the street, they worry that it's BM coming to try to take them. Or worse. It's like nothing I've ever known. 

Your experience is even more extreme than mine, but I am so glad you shared. I know how revolting it is to feel that you are truly never safe, that the system that is supposed to help ensure your safety will ignore past signs and grant privileges to the very person who, quite honestly, while in their psychotic state, is trying to kill you and others. It's disgusting to me that more is not done. There are too many sick individuals who are given second (and third, and fourth... and 18th) chances only to show the exact reason why the other parent was fighting for custody and protection.

I am beyond frustrated by the way mental illness is treated in the courts. There is a big -- HUGE! -- difference between a person who struggles with depression and/or anxiety, or even "common" bipolar disorder and a person who is hospitalized or imprisoned because they live in an altered reality and are a harm to themselves and/or others in these psychotic states. 

I know that there is a push to normalize mental health struggles but I can only respect that to a certain degree. When you end up in a situation with a parent who has actively stopped treatment and/or relapsed multiple times into a dangerous psychotic state, there should be no more chances for them. That is the time when enough is enough. I really hope you have reached that point and your exH is removed from your life for good. I am so sorry you have experienced so difficulty and fear because of him.

Lollybobs's picture

Unbelievable. Yet again, this 'give them a chance' mentality is downright crazy. What children should have to live with that? I feel for you, I really do.

princessmofo's picture

LuLu, 

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.  Please feel free to PM me should you need to ever vent about your situation.  I and my children have been living this nightmare for 11 years now.  I woke up this morning with a sense of dread again knowing that he will probably be released in a few short years only to repeat the cycle again.  ((hugs))

STaround's picture

This mentallity of many of  the GALs, give everyone another chance, no matter how many chances they have in the past is crazy. These chances come at the expense of the CHILDREN.