You are here

Stepford Sister has become just another casualty...

princessmofo's picture

Alas, I feel all is lost with my sister. She has become another casualty to the dysfunction of blended family life. All my reasoning, patience, empathy regarding her situation have come to no avail. So allow me to catch you all up to speed with some bullet points.

Things had been steadily descending into step hell prior to the holidays. Prince Charming's emotionally unstable teen daughter (the cutter) moved in full time with sister and with a barrage of demands. She wanted to paint her room a bright red. Think the Japanese flag red. She wanted to rearrange furniture. Not only in her room, but the house as a whole. She wanted to drop out of school, as she didn't feel "safe" at school. And rather attend online school. She wanted free reign of the house and all the rooms. Even though sister works from home and requires quiet and privacy. This kid is a manipulative little tyrant who lashes out if she is not the center of the universe. I've seen in first hand.

Sister refused to budge on the house issues. But Prince allowed the online schooling. So where is Princess Teen all day? At home... with sister. Catered to by daddykins. Prince is still attempting to wear sister down on the house issues. Despite it being HER house exclusively. Prince contributes NOTHING financially. He buys only groceries for himself and his spawn.

Prior to Christmas Prince and sister took a weekend trip. Prince spent the entire weekend texting Princess Teen. Over 67 texts in one day. But not a single text to his other child, who by all accounts is stable and pleasant. Not one. Sister has indicated that he seems to "resent" stable child as she "does not need him". Huge red flag, but I digress.

Sister questioned Prince about the texts on the drive home. In true Prince fashion he blew his stack. He cannot handle any kind of dissention or debate, about anything. His word is law and he is always right. He must be the original "special snowflake". As they were discussing the situation Prince rolled down the car window, he was driving, and threw the $300 custom ring sister had bought him out the window at 70 mph. (Side bar; Prince insisted on an "engagement ring" for himself after giving sister one. F*cking weird.) Then proceeded to try and pry the engagement ring he gave my sister off her finger and discard it in the same manor. He didn't succeed. Needless to say the rest of the drive was spent in silence.

Upon return Prince moved out but left Princess Teen. I instructed sister to sever all ties. Block, block, block. And insist Princess leave as well. Eventually Princess Teen left and he ceased communication. But alas, since he lives with his parents at 57, it was short lived. He slithered his way back in by Christmas as sister is incapable of halting all communication. I'm beginning to think she is enjoying the drama.

She had another blow up with him last week. And in classic gaslight fashion he flipped it all onto her. She called me in tears and I again, instructed her to drop his ass. This guy to me is an abusive asshole/user and I'm ready to throw down with him. I hate him with the fire of a thousand suns. He has taken an independent, emotionally stable, successful woman and reduced her to a puddle of blubbering tears. I don't even know her.

I tried reaching her all weekend to no avail. Then Monday I received a cryptic text message from her about them "working it out" that was NOT at all in her style and signed with an XO. She has NEVER done this. She always uses emojis. She claimed she would call me the next day. It's now three days later. She still will not answer my calls. I had my son, her nephew, attempt to call her. Me foolishly thinking she would answer a 13 yo's call at 8:30 pm on a Wednesday. NOPE. My parents cannot reach her either.

I'm at a loss. Without calling the police or driving to her city (an hour away) to do a welfare check, I'm powerless. And seeing as I have a job, children, and elderly parents to tend to (side note: mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in late October and sister has been ZERO help) she's way down the line.

I do not know what is left to do. I have tried and tried to get through to her and it is not working. This guy is bad news and I want to five finger monkey nut punch him into another time zone. He's already isolated her. He's abusing her emotionally and I feel something physical is just around the bend. Just wanted to update all of you who have been following my blogs.

Oh, and as a kicker, I got sister a really nice set of ceramic kitchen knives for Christmas. Prince would now allow her to use them or even take them out of the package. He has locked up all "sharp" objects as Princess Teen has a propensity to cut herself when she feels stressed or "unsafe" (code for not getting her way). He's even confiscated the tweezers. My sister had to hider her tweezers/razors in her car because Prince was going to confiscate them too.


hereiam's picture

You are going to have to call the police to do a welfare check.

This pisses me off to no end! That he is doing this AND that she is allowing it.

I hope she's okay. I hope she finally realizes that she is going to have to cut this guy out of her life.

Call the police.

advice.only2's picture

I agree with hereiam, call the cops and do a welfare check. This is terrifying I hope she is okay and that she is able to break free from him.

DaizyDuke's picture

Oh boy, you need to have police do a welfare check stat. Something does not seem right in dodge. Maybe I watch too much Discovery ID, but damn the weird text and then her going ghost mode is concerning. Hope she is OK!!

Iamwoman's picture

I'm on the same page as others: Call police and have them do a welfare check. You don't have to do the check yourself, but you could accompany them to her house in case she needs to leave with you for safety reasons.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Agree with above.

If she calls you back again:

"Sister, I refuse to talk about your relationship any longer unless you need help leaving. I can offer you no more advice, and I mentally cannot handle the drama in your life if you are unwilling to make changes. You know Mom has cancer, and her and Dad take up a lot of my time in addition to my own family. You are a grown woman. You can figure it out. Now, if you would like to talk about how Moms treatment is going or how Nephew's band concert was, I'd love to chat for about 10 minutes, but then I have to go take dinner to Dad since Mom can't stand the smell of cooking food while going through chemo."

Hit the key points that you can't help her further, other people who are in need are relying on her TODAY, she is a grown adult like you and can figure it out, and that the world is continuing on despite her drama-filled existence. I know it's tough, but you can't help her. If it makes it easier to think of her like a drug addict but her drug is drama, then so be it. Tough love that protects you and stops enabling them is sometimes necessary. This is a prime time to implement this.

princessmofo's picture

This is kind of the approach I'm leaning to. I will attempt to call her once more and see what comes of it. Thanks, lieutenant.

Tiger7's picture

I pray your sister is ok. That was a scary post - please call the cops and do a welfare check. Better safe than sorry.

princessmofo's picture

Update: I just called again on my lunch break and she DID answer. She sounded bubbly and euphoric and stated she was "sorry" she missed our prior calls. She then proceeded to tell me things are "fine" and she has been tied up with work priorities, working til 10 pm on projects. So, I guess I can hold off on the welfare check. But I still have serious misgiving about this guy and the future. I'm going to be a supportive as I can but there's only so much I can do.

Blue Moon's picture

Short of calling the police, could you possibly call her job to at least find out if she has been at work?

Aniki's picture

Wow, scary stuff. I'm so sorry. If they police do a welfare check, she may very well feed them the same BS. Sad

Willow2010's picture

Oh geeze princess. WTH is wrong with her? I think I would send her a message and say the following. “Just checking in on you, if I do not hear your voice today, I will send police for a welfare check. Love you.”

ETA ... I see you talked to her. wow. Think she is on drugs?

princessmofo's picture

I doubt it, Willow. But I think she is "dickmatized" at the least. I don't know what to do. And I'm so overwhelmed with our parents and she has isolated herself from them completely.

thinkthrice's picture

Oh damn...back to the honeymoon phase...again. This will probably cycle through several times before she (let's hope) comes to her good senses.


Acratopotes's picture

:jawdrop: how can one woman be so stupid, Prince must be hung like a horse and very good in bed.

Imagine, your partner leaving you and well leave his child there, I would've kicked out Princess so fast she never would've come back, and her demanding the house to be changed, Oh hell NO little girl, my house and my rules if you don't like it stop cutting your arm/leg and go straight for your neck bitch.

I'm so angry on your behalf, if I was closer I would've knocked on your sister's door and slap some sense into her...

Veritas's picture

I agree with the others that she has emotional problems. This is not any different than an abused wife that won't leave a violent situation. The abused, in their own mind, believe that they are getting something from the relationship that would be gone if they left. They are conditioned to believe that what they are experiencing is love and they are also conditioned to believe that they are not worthy of it. The abuser convinces them that they stay with them out of pity and can leave them at a moments notice...this terrifies the abused. This awful vicious circle is not their fault but it feels confusing and unbelievable to the casual observer.

Fear prevents movement. Fear prevents change.

Your sister may have to find her own way to the bottom to realize how bad things really are. I encourage you to keep yourself safe from this. Be there for her, but emotionally disengage, as it will be her choice to pull away from this guy and watching this go on will continue to be very hard on you. I can't even imagine how upset you must have been, worried about her safety!

Nothing you do will convince her. She must see it herself. Very similar to our DH not seeing the evil done by their skids and in the same way, we know that they won't see the truth so we disengage to protect our relationship. She can't see the truth right now but hopefully she will.