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Stepford Sister and the awkward dinner as told by Mofo's father...

princessmofo's picture

Last weekend my parents took sister and Prince Charming to dinner for sister's birthday. I didn't think much of it as it is a tradition with our folks. However, I was alarmed that I received a phone call from my father immediately proceeding the dinner from his car. It was after nine and I was worried something was wrong. Upon answering my father says to me, "Just wanted to make sure I wasn't in the Twilight Zone." My reply, "Nope, dad. Everything ok?" To which my father tells me he'll explain later... Oh boy.

So the gist of dinner goes a little something like this. Prince Charming wasn't feeling well. He had an upset stomach. I asked why did sister just not leave him home and join folks on her own? To which father replies, "Your sister can't use the bathroom without him, let alone go to dinner." And although that was dripping with sarcasm, there's truth to it.

Prince Charming made sure sister rushed through the meal. He did not even allow her to open her gifts from my folks. Before ordering her meal or a drink, she made sure to check with him to make sure HER meal was acceptable to him. Prince continued to treat her like a child throughout the night and scolded her when she ordered a second glass of wine.

Apparently, sister's house is sold and in escrow but she backed out of the house in Prince Charming town. The house had some major foundation issues that the inspector caught. During the discussion Prince Charming insists that sister is "too picky" and needs to "just settle on a house." Mind you, this is her money as he is contributing ZERO money to buy the new house.

My mother attempted several times to try and organize a get together with Prince's parents and themselves. She feels if they are going to get married they might as well meet. This idea was repeatedly rebuffed by both Prince and sister. And when pressed, Prince was evasive as why meeting his parents wouldn't work out.

All in all, the dinner was not a huge success and my parents did not enjoy themselves. The word "abusive" was brought up as my folks are starting to see red flags as well. My mother mentioned the control he has over my sister and that he scolded her for looking at her phone during dinner.

He talked incessantly about his "girls" at dinner. To which sister just smiled and nodded. He spoke about what a relief it will be when sister moves to his town, as she has a better car and she works from home so he'll have reliable transportation. And seeing his "girls" will be so much easier as they'll all live close by. He mentioned, "I'd really like to get a house within 1/2 a mile of my girls, but sister is too finicky. She really needs to just pick a place and we can remodel in time." :jawdrop:

My father had a private conversation with my sister, unbeknownst to myself or my mother a week ago. In this conversation he asked my sister what exactly Prince is bringing into this relationship besides baggage? He asked about Prince's finances, job history, custody arrangements and why a 55 year old man is living with his parents? All questions she flat out refused to answer.

As we mulled the potential fallout of all this over coffee, my family and I have resigned ourselves to the inevitable. Sister will do as she pleases and that's that. Prince's grasp continues to tighten and we are forced to watch helplessly. My father is beyond frustrated at this point and the now the worry is kicking in. I'm relieved that I am not the only one who see's it. If only sister could...


moeilijk's picture

It's so hard to watch someone you love go down the rabbit hole. And worse when you know that their blindness is wilful.

I wish your sister safety and happiness.

princessmofo's picture

At one point, I guess my father went to shift his legs under the table and accidentally kicked Prince mid-sentence in his happily ever after speech. Prince looked shocked to which my sarcastic father said "Restless leg syndrome" and snickered. }:)

princessmofo's picture

Nope, there's no possible way. Especially now with the move, Prince has her under a "schedule" and she would refuse anyway. We are all "wrong" and he is right.

hereiam's picture

I just really don't get this. Even when I was young, I refused to give up my independence or my apartment for a guy. Not to say that I didn't do some stupid things but not this.

princessmofo's picture

I hear ya. It would take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my house. A house that I absolutely adored and was in a great urban area with lots to do. Hell to the NO!! Why Prince couldn't continue to commute until the special snowflakes aged out is beyond me. It was 45 minutes, if that. And the snowflakes are 13 and 16. So not many years left til launch. I swear this has to do with money and a full-time nanny helper for Prince, not love. Because, by God, love would be more willing to compromise. Not have you completely and utterly uproot your life for someone else's whims.

thinkthrice's picture

I went through something similar with Chef. When he first moved in to my house, he immediately wanted to fix my house up and sell it so he could "move closer to his kids" (TM). That should have been a HUGE red flag to me. In fact, Chef would pound down the liquor and tell me he "didn't care if I (me) had to commute across country in a tornado, that he WILL BE CLOSER TO HIS KIDS." (TM)

So we settled on a dump that I should have never bought. I love to garden and the land, although a much larger plot than my old home, has soil that is unworkable. It doesn't perk and should have never been built on due to it's drainage issues and proximity to a wetland. Everything I do is in raised beds or else even moisture loving plants will quite literally drown.

There was TONS more work to do on this dump than on my old house--complete gut rehab down to the studs including taking out several walls and then rebuilding back up with an addition. Chef always thought he was "doing me a favour" by doing the labour on the place, however there was a TON of money that I spent getting this place habitable.

It's been over 10 years since at this place to be "closer to the kids" (TM) and I will say it is finally where people actually gasp when they walk in (in a good way). BUT when we moved here, the Girhippo "rolled up the awning and put the out of business sign up" by moving further away (by about 8 miles) and then proceeded to put the final nail in the daddy relationship coffin via PAS.

Whereas we were once 45 minutes away from the peccaries, the 15 minute proximity was FAAARR too close for the Girhippo to take and she moved three times since we've been here, each a bit farther away.

princessmofo's picture

I did. And I can't find anything of substance. Other than sister would be his third wife and it looks like he was unemployed for several years while the mother of his girls was the bread winner. I did ask about that and was told it was because he "choose to homeschool his girls so they could have a better education." :jawdrop:

notsobad's picture

Isn't this sister co-executor on your parents will?

Not that you are looking for your parents money but surely they now see who will be controlling any money they leave to her?

Maybe this is a good thing?

princessmofo's picture

Yes, she is. And I'm wondering if Prince isn't anticipating this $$ in the future. Hopefully, my parents will make changes to the will if necessary. The idea of going up against the two of them in the event of my parents demise makes me shutter.

notarelative's picture

...Hopefully, my parents will make changes to the will if necessary...

"If" is now. At the very least the co executor part needs to change. As long as your sister is with this guy you would be co executor with him. Sister would look to him for all decisions.

CLove's picture

Very, very sad.

Your story reminds me of my younger brother. He met a gal in Hawaii, and her parents are about 4 hours away from our parents, on the west coast. Well, apparently SHE is very much controlled by her parents, and my brother is VERY controlled by her AND her parents. This is a man who is in his mid 30's at the time, has a masters degree, a great job, and significant savings account, and ZERO debt. At the time she was a student with a large student loan, which he took over, and now she is a mother who maybe works parttime. She HATES my parents, and has told my mother she is a terrible person. There has been much conflict, to say the least.

HER parents want to live with them, always, like they do now, and they are getting paid to caretake their grandson, too. As well as my brother pays all the other bills in shared residence. Luckily, my folks are smart, and see through them all, and will never allow her, and her parents to get their hands on anything they have worked for. The biggest complaint I hear (beside the "your just an awful person" one) is that my parents paid for my brothers undergrad, and worked hard to do so, in the thought he would graduate without any debt. So he takes on paying HER student loans!!!!!

BUT my brother bought a house (for all of them), and we shall see what happens next.

Totally sucks.