I'm Moving Out
With the help from everyone here and my sister saying the same as all of you it made me see that I don't have a choice. Well I do have a choice but staying is definitely the wrong one. He still thinks the problem is between me and her and wants me to turn the phone on for him because he is busy with a stressfull project.
There wouldn't be a constant problem if he would just put his marriage to me first and start parenting SD. He said he's going to make sure she goes to counseling and won't let her get violent. I don't know how he plans to do that. I assume he's going to keep using the same ways he always has which so far hasn't worked. Either way he can figure it out on his own.
Meanwhile DD8 and I will still see him everyday but not when SD is there. We will be spending the nights at my mom's. I can use the time to help SD with her school and focus on training for an IT job I was offered with my sister. I'll get some temporary assistance to pay my mon to stay with her. Its important to me to pay her for letting me stay with her. So many of the kids and grandkids and me in the past took her for granted and costs her lots of money. I don't want to leach off her.
It's sad but knowing and feeling its the right thing to do is helping me see it through. DD is already happier at my moms and feels safer.