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I can't take this anymore! Please help !

missangie1978's picture

Psycho BM just called my Fiancee telling him that she's moving back to town on May 5th and that she expects us to give her SS every weekend and started ranting and raving. My Fiancee told her that he didn't care and she could talk to our lawyer. That of course got her pissed and she started spouting off threats etc...

One of them was that she was going to call CPS on me because I supposedly yelled at SS a few months back. She's also pissed and going off because we sent her a letter the begining of April telling her that if she didn't have summer finalized by May 1st (whether or not she was taking SS for the summer) that we would assume she was not taking him and make other plans. She's babbling that she's going to tell the judge it was harasment and we were being selfish about it because we wanted to go away just me and my fiancee for the summer.

She's just completely lost it and I'm sick of dealing with it. We've just got the paperwork done a week ago that SS now lives with us and has visitations with his mom and now she's coming back up and wanting to start things.

Logically I know she doesn't stand a chance but I'm still worried and SS is acting up because as he puts it "I don't want her to move back".

Would a judge give a ex druggie who lost all her kids to CPS before and has a number of domestic violence charges against her (also the reason she ran out of town) SS back full-time?

Comments

septembers_child's picture

No, not full time if she is an active addict..If she is an ex druggy, meaning she is a recovering addict who has had a decent amount of clean time (typically at least a year) period of clean time and the domestic violence charges occured during her active addiction stage.. and she has succeffully completeed a drug rehab (in patient or out patient) and anger management classes. Then yes, it's possible for her to get custody of her son back.

Weekend visitation is not full time and if she is an ex druggy then yes the judge would consider it reasonable for her to have unsupervised vistation of her son..Every weekend? I doubt it..But every other weekend and one night a week wouldn't be considered unreasonable in the eyes of the court.

If she hasn't completed drug rehab or anger management I would request to the family court that she does before any changes are made to the visitation schedule..The judge would readily agree with that..And if she doesn't successfully complete them, no change to the visitation schedule..

laughterandtears's picture

We did this with our BM and she is tripping all over herself to avoid that.

Why don't you just hang up when she calls or better yet, don't answer. Let her leave nasty messages on your phone and use them against her in court. She can't claim she didn't know that she was being recorded, it's voicemail, afterall. Hang in there sweetie.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

missangie1978's picture

The last domestic violence charge she had was in Dec, it's the reason she moved out of state and we got custody of SS. She's supposedly been off of drugs for sometime (we've heard other wise) however the domestic violence tickets happened after she was supposedly clean so hopefully that will give us some leverage.

I've been make my fiancee keep all the voicemail she leaves as well as all the text messages so when court time comes we'll have them.

I'm so tired of shelling out the money for the lawyer and having to put everything on the back burner to deal with this. We've actually pushed the wedding date back to deal with this.

I'm all for her seeing SS every other weekend and 1 night during the week but she hates not having complete control so she won't even discuss it with us. SS is now acting up and keeps repeating that he doesn't want her to move back. You know it's not good when your 8 year doesn't want you around.

septembers_child's picture

She won't get primary custody of him. Provided that their are no blemishs on DH's criminal record, it in the best interest of the child to remain in his household primarily because BM is clearly unstable.

Just to let you know also. BE CAREFUL with requesting her to have supervised vistation also because your household could end out paying for half or all of it. Went through that with the custody issues regarding the Step brat. Her BM is bio polar, abuses her bi polar med and alchol and drugs.

BM has to other biological children, one older then step brat and one younger (neither are DH's bio kids)..The oldest one was taken from her by the state about 9 years ago and her maternal grandma has custoday of her. The youngest (five years younger then step brat) was taken by the state and adopted out when she is two and a half. And still the court bent over back wards to accomdate this woman and get her chances upon chances at DH's expense financally and other wise.

BM has never paid child support and has never had to because she gets SSI because she is "mentally ill and an alcoholic". However, the court ordered supervised vistation because she is a "danger" to her kids unsupervised and even though she paid no child support, Dh was struggling to support him and step brat. The court was going to make HIM (our household) pay for the supervised vistations at $6.00 per hour..2 and a half hours twice a week. (BM was not expected to pay for any of it..)

Fortunatley, I got BM to agree to pay the full amount in writting..She showed to two of her supervised vistations and missed 8 of them. So I ordered the court to stop the vistations out of the best interest of the step brat..The courts bend over backwards to accomdate the "parental rights" of the worst parent. The good parent seems to have none to very little rights.

Just be careful...

Anne 8102's picture

This is the ruler that judges measure things by. If she's living closer, she may be able to get increased visitation, but I doubt she'd get more custody unless there's been a significant change in Dad's circumstances such that him having full custody wouldn't be good for the child. As long as things are just as good as they've always been in your household, I don't see a judge awarding her more. Just moving closer doesn't guarantee her anything.

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

BIOMOM's picture

Please realize that she is TRYING to rent space in your head. Do not react. It is exactly what she wants from both of you.

The best thing for you to do (I know you would like to rant and rave back) is to smile, hold your head up and just give her the old Alanon "oh" to everything she says.

I am taking ss every other weekend. "Oh"

I am going to fight for custody. "Oh"

I am calling child services becuz stepmom yelled at ss. "Oh"

Note: If child services was called every time I yelled at my kids, I would have been a childless mother YEARS AGO!!!

Don't worry!

Janice

God, grant me the serenity,
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference...

Cruella's picture

BM emailed CPS 3 times from another country and said that my husband is a child abuser and he abused her that is why she fled the country!! Actually my DH drove her to the airport to drop her off with all of the kids 3 of the children where my DH. She left 3 of her own children with another man with my DH as well!!! He actually begged her to stay but she couldn't have it because she had someone waiting for her in Australia. Now will a mother leave 6 children with a man who beats her???? Not likely. If she really feared for her life why would she have him drive her to the airport???? My husband is a kind gentle man with a huge heart. This never happened.

She emailed CPS last year. My DH has had custody of his children for the last 5 years. After the 3rd email CPS sent a caseworker out to just check things out. We welcomed CPS in our home and had a long talk to her and explained we were currently in litigation with her and I showed documented proof of the fact we were taking her to court and she was sending those emails as retaliation. You see the emails came from Australia so it was pretty obvious it was her. She described my husband as a redneck wife beater and me as a red neck enabler trailer trash type. Well when the Case worker set eyes on us she saw we were both professionals and BM's description of us was totally off base. She saw the kids bedroom and it was obvious we spent all summer decorating their rooms. People who don't care about their kids don't go to that extreme to make their rooms that nice. The kids are doing great in school and are very outgoing. Another proof that BM lied. The kids were asked to draw pictures and Skids drew pics of rainbows and happy faces. ABUSED????? NO WAY! My husband and I never spank!!! My oldest SD (not BM's child but his daughter from another marriage) was raised in the home with this woman. SD described the abuse SHE had to tolerate from her former SM. The whole thing backfired because what came out of it was that the kids were slapped in the face by thier BM in public! It was clear SHE was the one who loses control and is the physical one. Everything was dropped the minute she walked out the door.

All I am saying if CPS comes in let them in the door explain the situation and it may work to your advantage. We never heard from CPS again. If BM continues to make unfounded allegations she can be legally prosecuted for making false reports. CPS is used to vindictive people using them as a weapon. They don't appreciate that kind of waste of time. We don't appreciate the intrusion on our privacy. At least both of you are in the states so both of you will be accountable for your behavior. My skids BM lives in another country so she is not held to the same standards we are. She drinks in front of the children (sloppy drunk) and does drugs but we can't prove it nor can we touch her. All we can go by is what the children tell us.

Keep documentation on everything dealing with BM. I keep a calendar of events. Document EVERYTHING!!!!! In the meantime I would not pay attention to her threats. If she threatens to call CPS tell her go ahead. They will investigate both sides so she better be prepared to explain her behavior.