Good Lawd. Got a text from the bf yesterday. He was hoping to bring SD over to my place (this has never happened). He's like, "we could get dinner! Oh! And more gelato."
Yep. Guaranteed SD16 just wanted to come to my place to get more gelato and play with my iPad. Guaran-effing-teed. She even told me last time I was there that she wished she could see my place sometime. And get more gelato. And play with my iPad (see my blog history for the iPad saga. She still asks about it every time).
SD16 was satisfied with the gelato that her Daddee bought for her (I ain't payin!). So satisfied that I found her lying in his bed, FaceTiming mommmmmy about how good it was. Later in the evening before I went home, she wanted to tell me all about the special dates her mommy and daddy used to go on, how much fun they had. I make a face and she says "oh, I guess you don't want to hear about it." She does this constantly, and she knows I don't like it. My BF never calls her on it. (To be honest, he often doesn't actually hear it due to a disability).
Just for fun and to let off some steam. And to show you how selfish sd16 is. I'm going over for the afternoon tomorrow. (To recap: I don't live with my bf).
I might get roasted for this. I’m still with my BF, but I have no plans to move in with him at all. We go on a ton of dates on our time, and I spend about one day a month now at his place to try to keep some semblance of relationship with the SKs.
Of course he wanted me to move in. He makes more than me, but he’s financially forked by the $2400 a month he spends in CS, and all the extras he pays for as well. Here comes me with my guaranteed salary and pension. I actually take home much more that he does. So no moving in. He’s bummed but whatever.
We were just starting dinner at her grandparents house. She picked up a napkin and said “should I set this on fire?” It was like slow motion for all of us - everyone saying “nooooo” and reaching out. She stuck the napkin into the candle centrepiece and the thing lit up. Then she dropped it onto the linen tablecloth. Her dad and granddad managed to get it into a plate and smother it. She laughed the whole time.
And it was a firm NO each time. My SD15 hears no from her dad on occasion, but he always, always, always relents. As part of the boundaries I’m now enforcing, I’ve dediced that she can’t treat me as an extension of him. My money, food, and things are not hers.
The following are my three “no’s”. And btw, she ended up withdrawing from me for the rest of the weekend.
SD15, at the restaurant: “Can I have your pasta bowl instead? I don’t like my sandwich”.
Me: No thanks, I’m gonna keep my dish.
I found my breaking point a few weeks ago with my bf and his kids. It’s semi okay now, but I’ve pulled back from spending as much time at his place, and he’s doing his detective thing to figure out why. We had a discussion about it, but it’s been hard for him to digest.
His family all approached me at a big get-together to ask me how I deal with his kids, his ex, and their parenting, and to please stay with him. It was overwhelming. I told him that and said I needed some time to think. I’ve only seen him twice since then, by my choice.
The teen sleepover is going to happen on Friday. My bf will be there for it, and I’ll be staying at my place. I’m going over for Saturday night while he goes to work overnight. My SD is being told to be on her best behaviour for me. The second there’s any sass, I’m calling him, and he’ll have to come home.
I still don’t want to do it, and I can still say no. I could also bring a bottle of wine and my iPad and see how well that goes over. (SD thinks my iPad is hers and hates alcohol).
I used to live kinda bohemian. Before my current job, which is stable and high earning, I worked in music journalism. My ex and I lived in an industrial loft. I miss the loft, but not him. He threw me out so many times, mostly at night. It affects how I act with my boyfriend now. It’s why I worry about moving in with him. It’s why I worry about sex sometimes, because it wasn’t a positive or normal experience before.