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Merrigan's Blog

No sleepover

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The teen sleepover is going to happen on Friday. My bf will be there for it, and I’ll be staying at my place. I’m going over for Saturday night while he goes to work overnight. My SD is being told to be on her best behaviour for me. The second there’s any sass, I’m calling him, and he’ll have to come home. 

I still don’t want to do it, and I can still say no. I could also bring a bottle of wine and my iPad and see how well that goes over. (SD thinks my iPad is hers and hates alcohol). 

When the hormones wear off.

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I used to live kinda bohemian. Before my current job, which is stable and high earning, I worked in music journalism. My ex and I lived in an industrial loft.  I miss the loft, but not him. He threw me out so many times, mostly at night.  It affects how I act with my boyfriend now. It’s why I worry about moving in with him. It’s why I worry about sex sometimes, because it wasn’t a positive or normal experience before.  

Five year plan

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Had dinner and drinks with a good friend tonight. She’s a mutual friend with my BF. She knows all about his teen daughter and what’s been going on, and she’s got grown children of her own, so her advice is golden. 

She suggests I make a five year plan with my bf. Within five years, I want us to buy a one bedroom condo together, with a pull out couch for his daughter when she visits, who will be an adult at that time. We live separately until he agrees to this. It will be within 10 miles of where we both work. It’s in the neighbourhood I live in and love. 

10pm on a Tuesday

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I’m starting to understand what I’d be giving up by moving in with my bf and his daughter. It’s 10pm and I’m just getting ready for bed after a regular evening for me. I exercised, walked my dog, did some shopping at the local market, and relaxed on my balcony while watching the sailboats.  I don’t own my place, but I could buy a similar small beachside condo north of here and still commute to work. 

Never gonna be the babysitter lol

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SD15 wanted to stay overnight with me while my bf went to work. He said “no way, Merrigan is not your babysitter.”  SD: “But dad, I don’t need a babysitter, all Merrigan needs to do is take care of me when I have a panic attack.”

Me, internally having a panic attack. BF: “no way, not happening”. 

He’s got my back at least.  We had a discussion about it later, and I told him there’s no way I would be able to handle her during a tantrum. And I won’t ever be alone with her for more than an hour or two. 

I can’t live with teenagers

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I just can’t. Teenage girls are the worst. I was one, and I was awful too. 

My SD has incredible moments of insight and maturity.  Just moments though.  The rest is just hard to deal with.  She and my BF want me to move in, but I love my beach condo, even though it’s a rental. I want to buy property with him, but it’d have to be when she’s independent. I have clinical anxiety, and she gives me panic attacks. 

Hide my vacations from the SD

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Yup. Was told by my bf that we can’t ever tell his kid when or where we’re going on vacation, or going out at all, even just on a date.  Why?  Because she’ll use that as leverage to demand something new for herself. Daddy got to go to a hotel with his girlfriend, so I get to go to my favourite restaurant and then have a shopping spree!  So this event I’m excited to take him to?  I can never speak of it. 

Why can’t he just tell her NO?

Maybe I’m selfish, or maybe I don’t matter.

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I’m childfree (by biology first and choice after time). I live by myself in a gorgeous waterfront neighbourhood. I love being outdoors. 

Start rant. My BF will do whatever I want with me when we’re together on our own. Hiking, cooking, swimming, or even just the local pub.  Adult stuff. That’s cool. But when we’re at his place with his daughter, it’s whatever she wants. Which I’ve done every time, no complaints. But I decided to try asking to do what I want to do, and NOPE. She doesn’t want to do it, so another weekend will be spent at the mall and Walmart.