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Independent Women = bad, by BM

Merrigan's picture

SD16 and SD19 have been excelling in school in the past year. My SO is the same helicopter parent as usual, and their mom is has been on a new tangent. As per SD19, her mom says she wants her to put off being an "independent feminist" worker and have kids instead. SD19 has full scholarships to university here.

Why would a mom want her girls to be baby makers and not independent?

Comments

CastleJJ's picture

If your BM is a total failure at life, she is likely jealous of SDs' prospects of a successful future. Of course your SDs cant be better than BM, so BM is going to guide them down paths of minimal success, young parenthood, and living off the backs of government welfare and baby daddies. 

Rags's picture

succeeding.

If her DD's want to be SAHMs. Great, but, my money is on BM undermining the goals of the SDs.

You and their father need to shred BM for this and keep those young women on a path to their own goals rather than giving up on those because their BM is an idiot.

Not that there is anything wrong with being a SAHM mom. My own mom was a SAHM, she and dad have made a great life together, have a nearly 61 year marriage (and still going), and is an incredible person in her own right. Her DH, her sons, her GKs and my DW would agressively disagree with anyone who took the position that she i anything less than an incredible person who has lived an amazing successful life making a family, building a country, and creating amazing art.

One thing my mother has never done is try to undermine opportunty for her boys.

BM in your situation is a POS.

I hope your SD's can know that turth and avoid her path like the plague that she is.

Though they can certainly be indeptendent and have children. My DW certainly has.  16 & Pregnant, Single Teen Mom, dual major BS with honors, MBA with honors, a thriving career as a CPA, successful marriage (nearloy 29yrs), and faised a man of character, honor, and standing in his profession and community.

I do not get BM's perspective of her daughters not being independent and instead having children. Unless this POS BM wants the breeding for dollars CS and Welfare that advising her daughters as she has very well might result in. Keeping her daughters breeding and dependent on BM .... sounds like a multigenerational entitlement breeding money grab.

advice.only2's picture

Well since most GUBM’s see their daughters as an extension of themselves and not a separate person BM probably assumes that all her daughters want to do is be a baby factory like she wanted to be and live off a man. 

justmakingthebest's picture

WHAT?!?!

I tell my kids all the time that I don't regret anything about my life with their dad and they were so wanted- but don't be like me! Don't get married at 19 and have babies at 22! Be young, get through college first, live your lives selfishly for a little while!

Felicity0224's picture

I'm convinced that some people are just born without vision or ambition. And it makes them uncomfortable to see other people pursue anything "better" than the status quo because they perceive it as threatening. My SDs' BM has actively tried to sabotage her college education since day one. Literally bending over backwards to engineer a situation wher OSD would stay home, work a minimum wage job, get married before she was 20, and start having babies. Because that's what BM and her entire white trash family did. I'm like, lady, you are miserable. You've been miserable for at least the 15 years that I've known you. WHY would you want that for your children?! It's crazy to me. 

Ispofacto's picture

People who are secure in their choices don't require validation. Helpless people find the idea of independence terrifying. They have no idea how they'd navigate a career. They'd prefer not to have the choice, they'd prefer to think they are happier than others who do make that choice. Secretly they are afraid they've made the wrong decisions, and/or they secretly feel inferior to others.

Informed and establish viewpoints don't require outside confirmation. You see a lot of people nowadays trying to make their private viewpoints law. They are insecure.

 

floralsm's picture

I've told both skids to not have kids young and live your life first. Finish school, get a career, go travelling, meet new people and learn about the world. 

BM had SS and SD at 19/20 and lives off single mother welfare relies on CS. She will push SD to do the same. Poor SD won't have a chance of being independent and successful with a narcissist as a mother. Anything SD does that BM finds threatening to her she will trump. 

Rags's picture

In whatever order works.

Or better yet, in parallel.  School, kids, career, travel, expat assignments, etc.....

Why leave anything on the table in life? Eat it all.Voraciously.