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Disney MIL causes Drama with BM1(long rant)

Maria10's picture

So it turns out that Disney MIL (Gma to the skids -- DH mom who he does not get along with) is making a will.  It also turns out DMIL has had dementia for quite awhile(amongst other obvious but undiagnosed mental/ personality disorders).

In the past few months DH (An only child)has had poa and tried to make arrangements for her to be taken care of by his aunt( we also did a lot of other things for MIL while she was gone and made many financial decisions on her behalf according to the Power of Attornry held by DH). DMIL could not stand being without her friends and hopped a bus then disappeared! A month ago she went with some ppl we have never heard of and rescinded the POA. 

A few days ago DH gets a text from BM1. 

"Who the heck is M? I just got a phonecall from M saying she is DMIL. daughter and she needs my Social Security Number!" She then went on a text rant about SS#s and lawyers. And how she will NEVER give out info to a stranger etc.

DH explained that M was an acquaintance of DMIL from 20ys ago(the child of the man she was dating at the time for about 4 months).

When Dh asked for explanation from DMIL. he was told that M would be inheriting everything and that everybody knows that DH stole from his mother(DMIL)- referring to all the financial decisions DH made under the financial poa she rescinded. DMIL is also in a facility who takes care of old people getting paid by the supposed inheritance.

DH and I went to visit and she was accusing DH of all sorts of things. I tried to convince her that M will be stealing her grandkids money and that she needs to leave the money in the family. She would not budge. She totally believes M will do the right thing(dementia plly).

Well when DH texted BM back BM had changed her tune. M had told Bm that DH and I were " bitching" at his sick mother and that BM needs to give M her Ss# so that BM was put in the will. So BM decided that bc I was talking to DMIL she can give her SS to a complete stranger! (Let me dangle a dollar in the air. Wait if its mine she doesn't need it). In order to prove the $ exists M also gave SS12 $100 to take home to BM. (Plly the only $ he will ever see).

Little does BM know that the kids money cannot be touched by M unless M has the SS#s. Stupid BM!

Poor DH after all that effort to be accused of stealing! 


ndc's picture

If your MIL has really had dementia for a while, she is probably not competent to make a new will.  Does your DH think that MIL is being taken advantage of?

Maria10's picture

DMIL is definetly being used. M has been hanging around for years taking advantage of DMILs other problems bc DMIL likes to throw $ around. The only difference is that in prior years M has pretended to care about DH also.

In the 4 + ys with DH i have only met M for about 5 min when DMIL brought her over to my new house. DH would hear from M every so often casually but had not spent time in 6 ys. Suddenly when DMIL hopped the bus M was all over my DH ( i miss you bro, I'm sorry you are going through this, Hows it going). Not one peep about where his mother is or that she had arrived( we found out thru other means the specifics). Now suddenly she is inheriting it all.( except skid $ which she will steal). We also found out from complete strangers where his mom was at. Not from M.


MoominMama's picture

Can someone who has been diagnosed with dementia rescind a poa? Sounds like your DH needs to get legal advice. The mil is vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Is there a significant amount of money or property involved? The cost of legal action might be more than the inheritance to be blunt about it. 

Maria10's picture

Dh had Poa from before the diagnosis. Same lawyer who made DH poa rescinded it( dementia patients often fool even their own doctors into thinking they are normal ...) The lawyer had only seen DMIL twice and did not know about the dementia diagnosis when issuing the rescimdimg papers.

She has been taking $ out of the imheritance to pay for the facilty. We do not know how much $ is really left and cannot legally obtain that info.

We just want the skids money to remain untouched. DH does not care about much else.

I personally do not think there is much left. But just a guess. 

Maria10's picture

Im not sure if we can bc M did not call either of us directly .but Bm1 certainly could since she's the one that got the phonecall.

However BM is woth M now bc M gave ss12 $ 100. And now BM seeks to get money in the will( also what we heard from others who were called bu M)

DH will consult a lawyer after this weekend when he has a few days off.

justmakingthebest's picture

You have to consult an attorney but if he has been diagnosed she can't do what she is doing. "Sound mind and Body". There will be a guardian assigned to make sure she isn't being screwed but you need to take steps to protect her quickly.

Willow2010's picture

We just want the skids money to remain untouched


 I am confused.  How does MIL have the skids money?

futurobrillante99's picture

My stbX went through all this more than a year ago with his family. MIL was showing signs of dementia with no formal diagnosis. His sister had POA, but turned it over to stbX because she lives out of state. stbX did ALL the work and got MIL into the nursing facility she wanted - got her room all decked out, and WE, including stbX, his other sister and 2 of his brothers, starting working on MILs house to sell it. Cleaned it out, painted, got rid of furniture.

Well, SIL from out of state sneaks back in town and takes MIL to the attorney to change POA to herself, BECAUSE MIL had been paying SILs bills and supporting one of the brothers. stbX had cut the moochers off when he was POA.

SIL succeeded in moving MIL out of the nursing facilty and back into the house where she and the moocher BIL lived.

Oh, and they said scandalous things about stbX. stbX was faultless - he did what any good adult child would do: what was in the best interest of his parent. The mooching SIL and BIL saw their gravy train being taken away and did what was best for themselves.


My point in posting, though, was that stbX would have had to pursue and incompetency hearing and establish MIL was not able to make decisions for herself. His attorney advised it would be VERY costly and difficult to prove. So, he dropped it and let it go.

ESMOD's picture

Contact your local center for aging... if you believe your mil is being taken advantag of by M.  If you have a diagnosis of dementia from a licensed physician.. present that to the lawyer who rescinded the POA and inform him that it should not be valid as his mother is not in her right mind.. and being led to do things that are not right.

Now.. is she in a facility that is taking good care of her?  The cost for care in a nursing home can be quite expensive depending on the type of place and whether she is eligable for any medicare support.

I hope your DH has kept good records of what he has spent because it might come to the point where he has to prove he hasn't enriched himself in this process.

I can commiserate a bit with your DH as I am my Dad's POA (and also my brother is on the same form) but I am the one who has been doing all his financial work since he got sick with the flu in February this year.. also making weekly trips to buy him groceries and check on him (he lives a couple hours away).

Now, just because someone has a POA doesn't mean that they have unlimited rights for every decision.  POA's can be limited by language in them...

Again, contact your local aging agency to see if they can help you figure out what to do with the inheritance gold digging "old friend".

notarelative's picture

This is the nightmare that many of us fear. There are no easy solutions and much depends on the laws where you live. Here, it's next to impossible to get someone declared incompetent. 

MIL is in a facility. Facilities are more expensive in some places than others, but always costly. Many people run out of money and end up on Medicaid which has a five year look back. If MIL has enough money to pay for five years of facility care, the skids may get the money allotted to them. But, if MIL doesn't have the five year cost, the state may want the amount MIL put into the skid account.

A lawyer consult is in order.

Maria10's picture

The facility is going after her money first. 

DH and I tried to prevent that by sending her to live with family.

Everything DH did under POA has paper trail and recorded texts/emails from her to him giving permission. DH does not have POA anymore( hasnt since she came back to town). We have a copy of the rescindment.

Yes I work in geriatrics and I am directly in contact with how ecpensive facilities are. Nobody will be getting anything if this lasts too long. 

DH will be consulting a lawyer.

Maria10's picture

Thank you all for advice and support. It certainly is not easy to deal with this situation. If it was just us and no skids would be different. There are 2 BMs im the mix as well on top of M.

So DH will be consulting a lawyer im a few days.