Okay so this is a touchy subject for most people and I understand that. 
 

I grew up in a family where I got to see my grandparents kind of often when I was young, bc we lived near them still, then we moved to a diff state and we began seeing them only during holidays, occasional special visits etc. that was fine w me as a child and if anything it made my time with them all the more special! 
 

So it turns out that Disney MIL (Gma to the skids -- DH mom who he does not get along with) is making a will.  It also turns out DMIL has had dementia for quite awhile(amongst other obvious but undiagnosed mental/ personality disorders).