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Ladystark's picture

It has been awhile!!  I have been getting things done, and feeling great!!

things have been looking up!  Im settled more at my friends house, and i am so grateful i was not alone (or with my family) while getting myself back together!    My family was not super supportive.  My mom lives in Hawaii and once she realized it was serious- i left and was not going back- she full on 180 and has been there, she even sent me some money in the beginning which i greatly appreciated. My middle sister was rather nasty to me in the beginning, she has calmed down- but i still dont talk to her for long periods of time as she tends to get negative(and i wonder how i got with a negative person?hmm)  I took most of my family off my social media, and i think that really helped keep my from feeling sorry for myself more.  My last straw with them was in june my sister was coming into my area the last week in June- did not tell me- i found out- brought it up and she tried to "squeeze me and her niece and nephew in"  i said eff it made other plans with my Aunt. What did they do that was so important?  a whiskey distillery! of course thats really important when your sister is going through a divorce!  so it was a cousin, my sister and her husband, and my younger sister with friends.  they posted pics later, and i took them all off. its just easier not seeing it.... why tell me you miss my kids, but dont reachout to me? 

Ive been working, i have a nice job. I got my daughter in Pre-K right away!   My ex is pissed because the courts love me. yes LOVE me. He has heard "she is being very generous with weekends" atleast 3 times now. I already have a parenting agreement with my son. So i have been basing my schedule on that, and he hates it! when they ask about a schedule- i say yes this is what i have- then he is all "I disagree with this schedule (even though  he has been following it) she dictates to me what weekends i get!"  well he is not bringing a schedule to the table at all because he wants full custody! our first court date it was ALL women...hahah he was the only man in the room, i know that bothered him.


So basically we have signed a temporary parenting agreement- he tried to use mediation to get me back and talk about old crap- but i did good (not great) i stood my ground.  we will be in the divorce process at some point but aleast the schedule that ive been doing (and he has been fighting) is set in stone now. which is a huge relief- i always wondered if he would finally just hold her from me. i mean going through 6months of not knowing when he would just up and keep her- sigh little nerve wrecking. My son is still i think having some issues with everything, i feel bad there is no closer for him- even though his step brother was a butt hole, it was still someone he called brother- so i do have guilt he cant talk to them right now. maybe one day, but im working on building my relationship with my friday i picked him up from school i surprised him with bowling! why? because I COULD!! i had noone telling me im cheating!! lol or making me wait to bring a bratty stepson along.


I did meet someone- HE HAS NO KIDS!! right?! what ...  he got out of a bad marriage, his ex was the mean one so we have similar war stories- and ya know what its nice to have someone that understands- he is a total nerd like me- its totally hush hush beacuse im still going through my divorce- he has recently met my kids but not one on one yet- my friend had  friends thanksgiving and he came- so the kids met him but not really lol. just taking it slow, and being selfish- its nice having adult time, And ME time!!  i have to find a new therapist, as my new insurance did not cover the other one. Im looking, i liked having one, so i hope i dont go to long without one.

I know this is alot but I wanted to update some of you ladies that were there for me! im doing great, i hope to continue to get this backbone in place!   My ex stepson is in 9th grade and doing terrible(they will probably blame it on the divorce) he is mostly at grandmas house, my daughter does NOT talk about him,or draw picture of him(she will draw everyone but him in a pic)  so i dont think he is around much when she is there.  even though he was an ass, i still tried to reach out to him a few times, but nothing. I mean i still have ties to them through my daughter, but eh i can only do so much.

My ex is contesting the divorce, and wants full custody- he was scolded in court, because he was playing games with the overnights to get a break on child support, but then wants to fight for full custody?!   so the judge let him have it a bit on how costly full custody will be, and im being very giving with the

Anyway i am in a good place.  i have a few hiccups living with my friend, but for the most part it been good and helpful. oh and because im not allowed to tell anyone yet, my middle sis is pregnant, and being a totall b- word about it. I thank the stars i did not need to live with her for any amount of time, while going though this process!  She told me our mother wants to come when she is having the baby and she said NO, i said you might change your mind- i ended up being happy my mom was there for me at the hospital with the first one- and with my daughter she came and stayed a week with me after she came home from the NICU- it was nice- well that pissed her off more and said she wants noone there before or after the baby is born HER and her husband will be fine and handle it!!  so i backed off  on that whole thing. i hope to see the baby over the summer, if she will let me. im saving up just in case.  But im not pressed- ill be a little sad to not see my little niece or nephew- but i wont put myself in a negitive spot just to see the baby. ill save up, if it does not work out, ill use it on my kids!



i guess thats it i hope you all are doing well in step life!!





ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Congratulations!!! These updates made me smile for you!!! Keep at it!!! You're rocking this!

Ladystark's picture

thank you it does feels a little weird not coming on here and complaining!! lol   this site was pretty awesome and im glad its out there- steptalk was my only outlet at times!!  but im happy to not need to lean on it anymore, because i do not feel crazy!! lol 

Siemprematahari's picture

Wishing you a happy future with you and your kids that is full of peace and love. Try not to rush into any relationships, give yourself sometime to heal and develop a stronger relationship with yourself and kids. Removing negative and toxic people from your life even if they are family is necessary. You need to take care of you and do so with a sound mind.

Stay blessed!

Ladystark's picture

ok ill get a little tmi and tell you why i have kind of oopened up to this man.  When i left my relationship i was kind of done with sex, and like physical touching, it had been super painful and after being on some strong medicine for my psuedo tumor- i thought i was just done!   so you know my mind set when i went out:   well after a couple of weeks being at my friends she begged me to go out, because i had no kids, and she knows i love dancing so i finally gave in- Im not full on goth- but im kind of into heavy metal and like gothic music- so the club is not really popular never crowded.  anyway we had bumped into each other and he apologized then we started talking- he had never been to this club before- but his friends had dragged him out too. he lives an hour away from me- so i did not think it would work out- but i CANNOT stop talking to him we have so much in common!!  then what really made us take a shot was a couple weeks later we went out for a girlfriends bday- he knew and he made plans with his friends- we talked before we left- well after we went out dancing our girlfriend was still fired up and we went to this bar that her friend works at- ive never been there- and guess who is there him!  they saw their movie and still wanted to do something and had went to the bar too!!  no idea we had not talked or anything- after that we have been giving it a real shot!  i feel like im an a freakin hallmark movie or something- and he is a sweet guy-  sometimes though i cant handle all the nice things he says and does-  but ya him being an hour away (and sometimes its more with traffic)   keeps it at a good pace!

* his friends are a gay couple- we went to a gay bar the next meet up- i should have added that in i mean the chances of us meeting up the second time at a gay bar?! seriously.... it was just to much to not see if it goes anywhere.

Aniki's picture

Good to hear from you Ladystark! Sounds like your life has changed for the better. I agree with Siempre on not rushing into anything. Get divorced and concentrate on you and your kids for awhile. Plenty of people have toxic family members. If you cannot remove them from your life, distance yourself from the caca. Take care!!

CLove's picture

There is life after stephell Biggrin

Sounds like a lot of ups and downs for you but a "net gain" in altitude. Best wishes for your new life in this new year.

I too have good news! Step life hasnt been that bad with Toxic Troll not working, shes been quiet. Toxic Feral Eldest actually gave her mother a hard time when she found out TT called me a "non working c**t and effing b". About that non working thing - just got an offer on a new job - high starting, awesome bennies and now we can start saving for retirement and buy the house - from my parents.

Im so glad for the update Ladystark. Biggrin keep on posting if you feel like it  -  love hearing success stories.

Ladystark's picture

i hope that you enjoy your new job!!  i think thats also part of my happiness working gives me some purpose- i should have never stayed home for as long as i did!  I hope she stays quiet for you! happy silent new year to you! lol

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

i am glad you have met someone with No Kids!

Ladystark's picture

and i had a huge talk with him to about it- i had my tubes tyed so i was very clear with him if he thought he wanted kids-  then we will both need to move on- i did not want him to miss out if he found another person who could be better for him- but he told me he gave up on kids a long time ago, because of his ex... and we are both 36 so he was like haing a baby now  eh.... i mean it could change but he also was like finding a girl our age with out kids? some odds lol...  even on my end finding another guy with no kids....odds are slim... so im kind of  excited, and happy to be away from a step situation!!   ALSO even though he has no kids we have the same parenting style!   his nephew- complete spoiled little brat- and he talks about how he would handle the like holy crap where were you years ago!!     WHY did i not focus on parenting style long ago???