Update on my DHs family
Spanish SIL(DHs half sister) got married. My MIL, FIL and their two other kids (SILs) went for the wedding. We found out about it on Spanish sil's new husband's Instagram, not even Facebook. The whole thing was very hush hush and I don't think they even wanted DH to find out about it. It's so weird he is clearly the black sheep of their family now. He is quite sad about it but in the next breath he will say that I am his family now and he doesn't need them. Still it is pretty sad when your family of origin wants nothing to do with you. They are all assholes and I am totally fine with having no interaction with them, except SpanishSIL who is super nice. I think she has been influenced by the rest of the assholes which is why she kept her wedding ceremony hush hush from DH.
In other news another half sister (from FILs 1st marriage) is getting married. She has invited all of DHs siblings and his parents but not him. Again he is a bit bummed out about this but then joked about if we aren't invited then we don't have to send a gift. This half sister is how I expect my SD 14 to act towards our kids together once they're grown. She very clearly resents DH because he has a product of the next marriage and since she is the first child of FIL she considers herself to be the only legitimate child. They have a pretty distant relationship but she frequently asks fail for large sums of money, sounds a lot like my SD!
Though my meddlesome SIL wanted to take SD 14 to SpanishSILs wedding in Spain without DH apparently BM did not allow it because DH didn't go. SD is now blaming DH for missing out on a second international trip. I don't think SD even cared about the wedding she just wanted to be able to go home and tell her friends that she went on a vacation to Spain. This kid goes on more vacations than anyone I know!
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You know what
As much as this hurts DH, he is better off for it.
In a way this is great news, this will make yours and DH's bond that much stronger.
Without this toxic shit you can move on peace. I think Spanish SIL will learn pretty quickly who are the villains in the family, and it aint you or DH.
Blessings
If the SIL from FIL's first
If the SIL from FIL's first marriage invited everyone except your DH, then the reason can't be because he's a product of the next marriage. I assume even the other siblings are the product of the marriage, but she invited *them*. If all these sisters and his own daughter exclude your DH from family events,, there must be a reason. Either *they* are the toxic ones, or your DH *is*.
Yeah this kind of thing
Yeah this kind of thing warrants a "maybe I'm the asshole?"
And I am almost certain that his family does think that he is the asshole. I have seen a change in his behavior since we got together. He's less generous with his family, he's put up boundaries, and he's distanced himself. From my perspective he's grown a spine and is focusing on building our life together rather than taking care of his parents and sisters emotionally and financially. He doesn't let them take advantage of him anymore. From their perspective they probably think that since he got with me he's pu$$ywhipped. I never told him to distance from his family it has been his choice from the start I support it.
So yes they probably do think that he is the problem but I can tell you that all of the drama comes from them we don't initiate any of it. It was a mutual cutting off, he still hasn't worked through all his feelings about it yet.
DH is closer in age to that SIL than his younger sisters are, by the time the younger sisters came along the relationship between the oldest SIL and FIL was different.
Maybe his family just hates that he married me.
OP
"Maybe his family just hates that he married me"
They sure do, but not because you rock and are a superstar because that you are! They hate the fact that DH has put up boundaries. They hate the fact that he aint the money train that he used to be. So yea you are the scapegoat, the reason. I am sure they are saying you control him and tell him what to do. If his family ever says that to you, respond with " My I am flattered you think I have so much power"
I have the same situation.
SO also has half siblings who basically ignore him until they want something done for free. His own "full" brother from his Dad's 2nd marriage shuns him for daring to divorce the Girhippo.
His three ferals have been estranged for almost 14 yrs now. He views my family as his (and our three cats)!
So they managed to get
So they managed to get vaccinated in time? Must have been a close call :)
Who knows I don't know if
Who knows I don't know if they are checking anymore.
I thought you guys were
I thought you guys were invited to the wedding? It does sound sad for your DH but, it's better to keep the toxic out of your lives.
Sigh.
Time to continually rub every nose in the stench of their toxic choices until they gain clarity.
This is what we had to do with my ILs.
It took years but they finally gained clarity because we did not tolerate allowing them to play the Emperor's New Clothes game and continue their deluded superiority complex bullshit.
DH to his family. "So yet again I'm ignored and not included in family celebrations. I expect an explanation and an apology from each and every one of you. Love Ya. Buh-bye"
Lather, rinse, repeat.