You are here

Is there a point to doing the right thing?

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 2:06pm

Seeing DHs awful family, SD and BM, reading all the stories on here, along with observing some of the big names in our culture makes me wonder. Is there a point to doing good, doing the "right thing" etc? Other than not feeling bad about yourself? I mean, you see all these skids and BMs treating people like crap and the thing that gets me is it WORKS. A lot of the are just as well off, or better off, than the people trying to be kind.

If anyone older and wiser wants to chime in, I'd be interested to hear your perspectives.

Comments

Cooooookies's picture

Submitted by Cooooookies on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 2:31pm

Perhaps it works for awhile but... could you live with yourself?  Treating people like crap for your own gain?  Do you think those types of people are TRULY happy?  No.  If they were happy they wouldn't go around all the time being a nob.

I know it's frustrating. I deal with it myself. Take a step back though.   Really look at the BM's most of us deal with.  They use people...money, fear, manipulation, mind games, conflict.  That is no life and if you think you need to do those things to get what you want?

Keep your chin up.   Don't give up and don't sink to their level.  I promise you it doesn't work and their lives are not happy. 

thinker's picture

Submitted by thinker on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 2:39pm

Do the right thing!  The alternative doesn't work, even if it appears to in the short term.  The more aquainted you become with toxic people in your life, the more you'll see how self-sabatoging they truly are.  The older I get, the more I know this to be true.  Expect the worst from toxic people after they've shown you who they are,  protect yourself by setting firm boundaries, and do what is right.  If you sink to their level, you'll only give them leverage to create more chaos for you, and you'll end up in darkness every time.  And don't give up on the rest of humanity just because of a few bad apples.  :)  This has been on my mind lately, too.  

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 4:51pm

For me, it's all about having self-respect. 

Maybe someone is having a bad day and snaps at me. I can make the choice to snap back and compound the issue or not react. So someone is an arsehole. Do I want to be an arsehole, too? No, I do not. I don't want to "lower" myself to that level. I do my best to be a positive and not give into the dark side.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Thu, 02/20/2020 - 7:46pm

My misguided belief in doing the supposed Right Thing in step life brought me a lot of pain and suffering. It also deprived the skids and in laws of opportunities to learn, grow, and stop being so damned selfish. All my martyring only enabled bad behavior to continue.

I started making better decisions when I stepped back, stopped letting emotion influence me, and made friends with reality.  Here are a few truths I've learned:

  • What Is, is.
  • Modeling good behavior for a$$holes is a waste.
  • Takers take.
  • Haters hate.
  • Other people's dysfunction doesn't have to become my dysfunction.
  • Ignoring facts does not change facts.

I'm still a good, kind, give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back person. I'm just choosier about the company I keep.