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MIL crying about Thanksgiving

Jcksjj's picture

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Comments

Chmmy's picture

I spend holidays with the in laws cuz they're great. I wouldnt give up a minute of time with my family to be miserable. I would have separate holidays with dh before I did that. I usually chose to go where the skids are not. We split holidays with bm so I like to keep away from the skids.

SteppedOut's picture

Crying? Seriously? Way to lay the manipulation on thick. 

I hope your husband agrees to going to your family this year (it would be fair since you went to his last year). If not, go to your family and he can go to cry baby's house. 

ETA: Especially given how youe children are treated. 

Jcksjj's picture

I honestly am not sure if it was actually manipulation or not. I mean, she is manipulative but it kind of looked like she was legitimately that upset and trying to hide it this time. But I mean that seems pretty irrational and/or selfish to me still. I mean shes got to have her way with everything for the last like 30 years, can we not have some of our own traditions or see my family also?

ndc's picture

Sounds like your MIL plays the manipulation game quite well.  If you don't want to spend all your holidays with her, you've got to stand up to her manipulation and let her know right away that holidays will be split and you will not always be going to her house.  Go to your family this year. I would advise not even dropping by MIL's house, even if you could.  Nip it in the bud.  I hope your hubby has a backbone.

Jcksjj's picture

I probably will not be going, DH might go the day after. Hes developing a backbone, but its in the beginning stages and still weak. 

notarelative's picture

Also, we didnt even tell her we weren't going, just that we didnt know yet.

This is the problem. DH needs to tell her now that you aren't coming this year. Be direct. The longer he waits, the harder it gets. He needs to tell her now that this year we are going to Jcksjj's family celebration. 

As a SP and MIL the 'we don't know yet' drives me insane. I don't care where you go. Just let me know if you are coming here so I can prepare. I'd assume that means you aren't coming here, but the time I did you showed up for dinner. 

Jcksjj's picture

I agree DH should tell her. And I understand that, but this is over a month away and she started asking like two months beforehand. I dont think it's reasonable we should have to know what we are doing for Thanksgiving before Hallowern is even over. It's not like shes going to start cooking anytime soon. We also would never just show up unexpectedly and expect food for us. And she definitely does care, there has already been meltdowns over her not getting both Christmas and Christmas eve (the tradition was for DH to stay overnight) and then that we were going to celebrate SDs birthday in a different way instead of just letting her take it over like usual, and then that my YDS dared to be born too close to her 4th of july celebration/ SDs bday and screwed up those plans. 

beebeel's picture

Both my MIL and FIL started bitching nonstop about BIL when he and SIL went to his family for Thanksgiving one year. I asked them if he was supposed to never again attend a holiday with his family simply because he married their daughter. Then I asked if they bitched about me the years we go to my family's holidays. That shut them up.

Jcksjj's picture

It's just so selfish? I mean that's how it goes when your kids grow up and get married. I get being kind of sad or missing how it was but come on, be an adult and deal with it instead of acting like no one else matters.

Siemprematahari's picture

Jcksjj~ go to your families house for Thanksgiving this year. Don't live at the mercy of MIL. Her son is married now and she needs to understand that you have a family as well. She's had her way for 30 years, it's time she get used to things not always going her way. You can't continue to allow that precedent or else she will lay on the manipulation thick (like she is now). It's only fair that since you all went to her place last year you now go to your families.

She needs to get over herself and start letting her know now that this is now how it works for you. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Jcksjj's picture

I'm for sure going to my family's. Dh doesnt know what hes doing yet. 

I think that's a big part of the issue is at first we did try to accommodate her as much as possible. But it was way too much to ask in total and I dont want to throw away all the holidays when my kids are little being miserable. 

Lollybobs's picture

Is there any way you could have both sets of parents at yours instead? Then everybody's happy...