I haven't really posted for awhile, nothing new has really happened. Can't seem to get SS4 into a preschool unless we pay an arm and a leg to do it. Working a crazy amount of hours in the hopes that we can get out of debt sooner and I'm just so tired lately. DH got the boys new toothbrushes (DH and I both have a toothbrush thing, we get new ones every month or two) Star Wars themed, they're really cool and light up.

SS4 has become increasingly difficult lately. The first week or so that he was here (Late August) he was fine and normally, we were actually quite shocked since he had been with his BM for over two months. Now, about a month later, he's starting to turn into demon spawn...

So, I've had several epiphanies in the last few days I think it's mostly sleep deprivation and frequent spans of waiting that has lead to my sudden brain blasts. Two nights ago I decided I was no longer going to be anxious. I have been beating myself up about things that I could have never controlled and will never control. Specifically, that I have no real warm fuzzy feelings towards SS4 and feeling guilty that BS2 is my whole world. I finally told my husband that even though I will never actively treat SS and BS differently I don't have the same feelings towards them.

I wouldn't say I'm uptight about table manners but there are certain things people just don't do... because it's disgusting. BM allows SS4 to eat with his hands at the table... FOR EVERY MEAL!!! Doesn't matter if it's eggs, salad, biscuits and gravy... he always tries to eat with his hands and hismouth wide open. I have lost my appetite more than once because of his atrocious table manners. The only reason I even really noticed this morning was because I could HEAR him eating cereal because he won't close his mouth unless I'm standing right there.