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ICanMakeIt's Blog

The Playbook

ICanMakeIt's picture

I think it's safe to say a lot of us have seen the same situations played out by some of these HCBMs so many times that "playbook" is an accurate description of the shenanigans.

I'm really frustrated with how much financial havoc these people can cause.

Even with a CO and many DHs paying the CS on time without fail, the premiums for insurance, the out of pocket %'s it is never enough.

A nice story for once.

ICanMakeIt's picture

I normally come here to vent and/or ask advice on our PAS in progress SKs (mostly SS). 

Last night however, I think just maybe I saw his guard come down and a little kid come out. We were driving after dinner to pick up some dessert. DH and I were up front and SKs in the back. We were all being silly singing some dumb song I don't even remember which one. 

SS from the back seat said something that I couldn't quite hear nor could DH so he asked him what he said...and the kid sheepishly said, "THIS family is fun". 

Would you bother telling BM

ICanMakeIt's picture

If it came to your attention that something negative your SK said about their BM's husband to you and your DH was blamed on you, would you bother telling BM?

There is minimal email contact with DH and BM and she's super high conflict. I have zero contact with her.

This weekend SS mentions that SD told BM I called their Step dad a name....SD is actually the one that called him this name.This was a while back.

SD also blamed me for how she dressed when she infact was the one that chose her clothing on a return trip. 

Why can't SK have his own opinion/want/desire

ICanMakeIt's picture

Have any of you dealt with  SK that is a good kid in general but manipulated so badly(In my opinion) they genuinely don't know where their own thoughts start and their BM's stop? Or have no thoughts of their own? And if they do dare have a thought or curiousity about something the one parent (in our case HCBM) can strike it down so quickly and completely they don't put up any sort of defense or backbone even if they were adamant about it with the other parent? Worse yet, revise history to the point you think you dreamed a scenario when in fact you know it was said/happened. 

Well its happening - mini pity party below

ICanMakeIt's picture

Summer with SKs has begun. We haven't seen them since Christmas thanks to Covid. 

SS has made the turn...Its not full fledge PAS but he is so guarded and 100% Mom-centric. There is not an equal parenting respect. Thats not to say he's a bad kid, just acts like DH is a fun uncle he sees once in a while vs. Dad, if that makes sense.

DH has fought for these kids forever. We have made epic trips when money was tight, and valuable vacation time ONLY spent on picking and dropping off and driving half way across the country. 

How do you handle multiple kids - age out visitation?

ICanMakeIt's picture

I know this probably sounds odd, but I read a lot about SKs failure to Launch.

Those of you that have multiple step kids, and especially those that are far apart from the SKs. How did you handle one aging out and the other still coming for visitation like 6 weeks in the Summer?

Does Disney dad still pay for SKAdult to come (assuming they've failed to launch from BM and no job to hold them in place) or does DH make SkAdult pay own way if he/she wants to come? 

Thanks for any advice/insight you can provide.