Update/Question - Abuse by SS , Denial by DH
So far, SS has complied with all the rules imposed (no coming upstairs where LOs rooms are, always supervised around LOs, limited physical contact, such as a hug goodbye if DS4 is wanting it). DH has pushed the boundaries, however. For example, DS4 would historically go to SS room first thing in the morning before school. DS4 would want to jump in the bed to wake up SS. DH still thinks this is fine as long as he is in the room; I told him abslutely not. The boys can see each other in the family room and kitchen once they are both up and dressed.
I don't like this situation. But it is the best I have been able to come up with given that every lawyer I have talked to has made it clear that DH would get unsupervised visitation if I were to leave. I will not risk that. Ultimately, I am with my LOs 24/7. Alarms on the bedroom doors are always on, cameras are always on; I will get an alert if they are shut off. DH has been horrible in terms of continual blame and moodiness, but I have a good therapist and my family, and the knowledge that I can protect my LOs.
But here is a question for you all. And I need to know if I'm being oversensitive because of what happened with DS4 and SS:
This past weekend, like those prior, I have gone out with LOs and one of my parents on both weekend days if SS is visiting. It gets the LOs out of the house, and DH is responsible for SS. But, when I got home this Saturday, I found DH and SS on the couch watching a game. DH had his legs out, feet resting on the coffee table. But SS was curled up next to DH. Specifically, his knees were up against DH's stomach, his head was resting on DHs shoulder/upper chest, and DH was rubbing SS head. I didn't say anything, but talked to my Mom after. She had the same reaction, was that it looked... odd... for a now 15 year old male, who is now the same size as his father at 6'4", and close to the same weight, to be cuddled up like a little boy. My Mom said that she was going to ask me about it if I hadn't said anything. She would have expected both SS and DH to be sitting next to each other with a little space between them.
Are my Mom and I being overly critical? I asked a close friend if this was normal, and she said that she will still cuddle up with her Dad on the couch, and she's in her 30s. As for me, I hug my Dad and my grandfather. I am incredibly close to my grandfather, but we never cuddle on the couch or having any sort of extended physical contact. When he fell and got hurt a few years ago, I would hold his hand in the parking lot or lock arms for support (and because I love him). I also cuddle with my LOs on the couch but they are 4 and 1, so that seems age appropriate to me. Thoughts?