Update 1 - (Trigger) Abuse by SS14
The initial thread was getting long so I decided to start a new thread for updates since yesterday.
First and foremost, thank you all SO much for all of your feedback. Logging in this morning and finding more comments and suggestions has made me feel like I have a virtual army supporting me. Reading over some of the "colorful" names you've given DH in yesterday's thread gave me a laugh. And I really needed that this morning.
So here's the update. SS14 was interviewed last night by the detective. At the end of the interview, DH called and said that SS denied it all and that the case was being closed. He said that he believed SS. I was automatically suspicious, and called the detective. Per the detective, that's not really what happened.
In her words, SS never confirmed or denied any of the abuse. He remained emotionless the whole time. And SS also claimed that LO must have been mistaken, and that perhaps he accidentally grazed LOs private parts while holding LO naked. So I told the detective firmly that SS is never around LO naked, and thus has NEVER had an opportunity to hold or accidentally graze LO naked. I told the detective that to me, SS was lying. She believes it was a way for SS to somewhat admit inappropriate contact occured - a half-admission.
When I told DH that I had talked to the detective, he, as expected, got mad and asked why I didn't trust him. I gave him the biggest, angriest Mama Bear glare and told him that our conversation was over. He followed, tried to instigate, say that he didn't get a chance to tell me everything. I told him to not bother, ignored him until he gave up trying to talk, and went to bed after checking on LOs. SS also refused to see LOs last night (not that I would have allowed it) for dinner because he is mad at LO4 for "tattling" when he "didn't do anything wrong".
Detective has to turn the case over to the prosecutor. She believes at this point that no charges will be filed because its a case of "he said she said". But that the prosecutor may do a follow up and require therapy for SS14. Further, CPS is dropping the case because its child on child abuse, and they do not handle that in VA.
I feel like I have no support from authorities. And really, the Detective can't do anything else. I am on edge waiting to hear from the attorney. My parents are coming this weekend. DH insists that SS is coming this weekend. I told DH this morning that until we get to family therapy and SS has individual counseling, SS cannot be around LOs. That we can tell SS there is still an open investigation that needs to be finalized.
I have a numb, shaky feeling. But, I have told 3 of my closest girlfriends now. I am not going to let DH isolate me anymore. I am not going to allow him to force me to have LOs around SS. I am doing my best to keep a level head, not engage with DH, and keep focusing on documenting, and getting my ducks lined up. I sent my mom copies of my current documentation. Tomorrow, since my parents are coming early in the day, I am going to meet them home early, and scan all my important docs, and give my parents copies.
Question for you ..... When I told my Mom this morning that I was going to talk to the attorney about asking DH to leave with SS, or leaving with LOs myself... she had pause for concern. Her worst case scenario is this - if there is no authority like DSS, CPS or Sheriff's Office managing the case anymore, what grounds do I have for keeping the boys apart or even DH from LOs? She is concerned that if I attempt this, and a judge denies the RO or the separation of SS from LOs, that I will have now further angered SS. She is fearful that SS might retaliate against me or LO4. She had another point - DH still has the same rights as I do to LOs. So unless a judge grants me custody and DH with supervised visits, there is nothing stopping DH from brings LOs around SS. I realize these are lawyer questions....