Update 3 - (Trigger) Abuse by SS14
New week, new blog entry.
Some folks asked in the last update about BM and her reaction. She is livid, and maintains that SS14 is innocent and wrongly accused. She has threatened legal action for false claims and failure to notify in a timely fashion. I'm not sure how she is going to sue a 4 year old, but I imagine it will involve a claim of me having coached LO4 to lie. She might have a case against DH, who waited a full week to tell her and brought SS14 in for an interview without her (within his legal rights, but I can see how that would upset her). BM will not consider the possibility that SS14 was in any way inappropriate with LO4 and will not sign off on therapy unless is ordered by the county - we won't get their final report for at least another week.
Others asked if anyone in the family could have abused SS. I suspected that too, but I also suspected this might have stemmed from his overall lack of boundaries and failures to understand personal space. I just don't know, and BMs family is very closed, so they will never admit anything.
As of today, BM is refusing to send SS back over to our house unless there is a guarantee that I and LO4 will not be there, or in SS's presence at all. Since I will not be vacating my home, and since DH will not comply with BMs mandate to keep SS away from me and LO4, I presume BM will withhold SS, and will have a court order and police present at the next pickup to uphold the order, assuming she can get one. This works to my advantage with LOs, in that I don't have to worry about SS in the house. Meanwhile, not knowing anything for sure, I have been getting the rooms ready to switch, hired painters, and ordered the surveillance cameras in the event that SS does come for visitation.
With all this said, I do feel badly for SS. His parents are fighting over this rather than looking into help for his behaviors. As for me, I will never excuse what SS did to LO4, but my memories of him compared to my anger towards him now are breaking my heart. I met him when he was just a little boy - around 7 years old. I use to be able to carry him on my back (when he was 5 ft tall rather than today's 6'5'' and 200lbs) and we made dinosaur pancakes every sunday he was with us. Then he learned how to make them with me for LO4. And what's worse, LO4 does miss him. LO4 still comments that he didn't like what SS did. But moments later, will talk about a Lego that he made with SS. I hate this.
And yes, I have weekly appointments with my therapist scheduled through Christmas!