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Stepson is a selfish ahole

EveryoneLies's picture

There, I said it. 

Just now I learned that SS never even attemped to close our front gate when he goes to school, because it's easier for him not to. He just walked out, someone will fix this anyway. Our front gate sometimes is hard to completely secure from the outside. And if not secured, sometimes the wind blows it open. I've always though it was just the wind. And today i saw, it was SS who just didn't even bother to close it. If we don't have a automatic-lock front door, that door won't get locked either. (I only know because it has already happened and that's why we changed our lock) Not to mention when he used to park his bike in the garage he just left the garage door open as well. (Because, someone from us will close it, as he told us)

I know this is a such small thing on its own, and we lived in a fairly safe neighborhood. It is the attitude of everything is about him and only him that pisses me off. Because shit like this ( and leaving trash on the floor, on the table, everywhere he goes) happens on daily occurrence. He never does ANYTHING for anyone but himself, but he expects everyone to help him. 

Anything that inconveniences him a bit he will freaking whine about it. Oh but he has no problem of calling us to send him one pill to school in the middle of our workday. He just expects that to be done and feels good about his "problem solving skills" (which to be honest is none). He asked his dad to make a fancy meal. Took DH 4 hours, not only did SS not eating a lot and ended up throwing away most of it. When SS was asked to help to prepare the meal, he had the balls to say "maybe not." (But DH made him help) Many times I just leave the room so I don't hear those insanely selfish crap. 

SS has another homework of "preparing a healthy desert for family,"  that WE all are going to do while him watch.

DH is on business trip this whole week and I have to deal with SS all by myself. Such a pleasure.

I wish I have the choice of not living with SS. Right now I really hate him. (And that's after 4 days of dealing with his rude ass without calling DH to deal with him. I'm just really about to explode.)



JRI's picture

1.  How old is he?

2.  Do you have full custody, if so, why?

3.  What does DH say and do about all this?

EveryoneLies's picture
  1. SS is 14
  2. Yes DH has full custody
  3. Nowadays i pointed out the mess SS made for DH to deal with. SS gets called down to clean up his own mess. Once in a while they will have heart-felt long talks that never work. DH is tired of this too. 

Neither of us knows that SS didn't bother to close the gate. I learned that only today and I haven't talked to DH yet. Talking about SS really just suck the air out of the room.

Harry's picture

His head is buried in the sands of DS.   If DH haven't address any issues up until now, Don't think this is the day he starts.   The top 10 list of excuses.... Because DS has it so hard, he's acting out, BM dump him.  

You must make it so DH must do something, next time DS goes with him, or finds a babysitter for him. 
You must disengage, make DH put a self closing gate in.  Ect.  Doing nothing but venting as good as it feels will not solve anything. 

EveryoneLies's picture

DH doesn't make the common excuses you listed here. Even though BM abandoned SS (not officially, she's supposed to see him once a month), SS also doesn't care to see his own mom. So no hard feelings there. DH has been addressing the issues (he doesn't go on business trips often especially after covid), it's really more SS just not care to do anything. 

SS has to go to school so I don't think it's reasonable he can go with DH on business trip. My daughter (not from DH) also live with us so to be honest it feels really awkward if I completely disengage from SS. (I do really want to!)

tog redux's picture

Does he get consequences for not shutting the door or the gate? Sounds like all he gets is a "talking-to".  Most people learn from consequences, not lectures. 

EveryoneLies's picture

As we (I) just found out after SS already left so there's no consequence just yet. We tried rewards (extra screen time etc) and consequences (lost of his music device or screen time), seriously nothing sticks. For leaving the trash along his way the consequence was 5 minutes off his screen time each piece...but it really doesn't work and only makes us feel petty. Because of that , I will admit this specific consequence has been inconsistently followed. I'm not surprised it is not working for this specific situation, it's just too tiring enforcing it.

I don't think SS cares about anyone living in the house. He yells at everyone except perhaps his dad (because DH yells louder) Lectures doesn't work, love doesn't work. I'm very close to accept that SS is just a selfish person and nothing can save him...