Hate my SS
I tried really hard not to say it out loud. I really tried. But the truth is really that I hate the fact I have to live with my autistic SS over 300 days a year, because his own $hit mom won’t freaking do her 30% of parent duty.
Every night with homework is a freaking fight. Four years now and nothing has changed. For some reason he still thinks he’s the smartest and tries to “teach me” every time we correct him. DH does most of the hw checking but it’s never really stress free.
I hate that I have explain to everyone, myself included, that he is on the spectrum every time he f-ed up. I hate that I have to say “I get that it’s hard to be autistic,” every time he acts like a jerk. I hate the constant lying and arguing and being yelled at by the little jerk. I hate that I can’t relax at my own home because he’s freaking loud and won’t change.
I also hate that with SS12 being on the spectrum also makes me feel like we can’t have nice things. He breaks stuff as if they are free. I don’t really care if he does that intentionally or not, it’s not like a 12 year old can really pay back (nor do we adults really expect him to), it’s really the not give a f- about things that he doesn’t own, that attitude freaking drives me nuts. I hate that DH doesn’t get to do much of the things he would like to do because of SS is hard to care. I hate that my daughter can’t just leave her stuff in the shared bathroom because SS can’t keep his hand off things that are not his. (He has his own set)
DH said the boy has to learn to sort $hit out because he’s not going to live with us forever. I don’t really know if it will actually come true. Right now with SS’ constant half-arse effort, arrogant attitude, and crappy work quality no matter what he does, I don’t know what kind of employer will want to hire a person like this. Even group home is an option, it’s not free and I’d hate to foot the bill (even just partial) when he’s no longer a child.
Even when people compliment me saying I’m being the mother figure, I am screaming inside not wanting to be associate with him.
I don’t need the glory of being a “good stepmom”, just as I don’t need him around. He’s really the shittiest roommate no one wants. (No joke, googling shitty roommate you can find most of the description just matching my SS) I am really afraid when he becomes an adult he will just keep staying here because he can’t be independent. Or keeps coming back here because no one wants to live with him.
I’m so tired.