Can’t stand the boy lately
I thought about not posting this but recently it has been quite unbearable.
After the crazy BM episode (spoiler alert: she didn’t even bother to see her son a bit, surprise!) we have been struggling with SS11’s behavior. Even the school work and homework both have been really light.
Again SS11 is high functioning ASD + ADHD. I get that most of the time he really didn’t intend to offend, but god, when do you really draw a line when you have been teaching the same thing over and over and over and this human being just seemingly can’t learn?
Lately with the overall lighter workload at school he thought it’s vacation time already. Because of this, anything he does is half-assly done. Taking out the trash will take 3 tries. Putting the dog food will take two tries. Not to mention the light hw, 4 to 5 tries is just regular. On top of that he argues loud and plays dumb to get out of the task. Asking him to do any chose you will hear loud whines, even though he is the only person in the household that doensn’t really do $hit when everyone is working. Hubby has been the main person to be on his arse, but still there is no way for me to escape this since our house is not that big and both Hubby and SS can be loud. I hate to say this but the experience living with SS almost develope a universal hate in me towards people on the spectrum.
I guess my main issue with him is that he has no idea of how much work has been done FOR HIM. How much help he had been taking from EVERYONE around him. He takes everything for granted and thinks his tiny contribution (when it occurs) is a huge amount of effort from his end. This attitude totally pissed me off and I just can’t shake it off. He just takes and takes and takes, and while he takes, creating a trail of craps for others to pick up for him.
He’s almost 12 but he can’t clean the dishes or putting back dishes without hand-holding. Can’t do basic self care without making a big scene (e.g. when he had a minor cut he would tell you he’s bleeding profusely —-although you can’t even see the wound). He also has a weird habit of developing odd habits that no one appreciates. For instance, flushing the toilet for no reason. (Just walk in to the bathroom, flush the toilet, then walk out—we asked him what this is even for, he just said he likes to hear it flush.) All of these might sound so small and petty but when they happen on the daily basis, it really becomes a crazy monster inside me. I feel like I’m in a very dark place and my anger gets triggered the moment I see his face or hear his voice.
Maybe some will say “ how can you dislike a child so much? He’s just a boy.” I want to ask how can a human being makes himself so unlikable, but I guess this is also too much to ask.
I really hate that I snap so easily now. I really hate that I am having such a strong negative feelings towards a minor. I couldn’t get a break though, because whenever I am to walk for a break he would shove himself to my face BECAUSE HE WANTS SOMETHING. (And I happened to be the closest person, he IS that lazy. Even if I always tell him to go to his dad it doesn’t help)
Sorry for the long rant. My apologies for any moms to ASD kids. I understand each kid on the spectrum is different, and your kid is probably nothing like my SS. I hope this post does not trigger any painful feelings to parents of kids on the spectrum. I have nothing, seriously nothing good to remember or hold on to regarding my SS (The first time I babysat him and helped him with his hw, he was yelling and screaming at me already. That was how our relationship starts).
I don’t know how this road will lead. FML.