Does DH finally see the light (SD was arrested last night)
Yesterday, DH told me he was going to pick up SD, age 17, from school. BM couldn't pick her up and SD was having a "little" problem at school. It isn't unusual for BM to ask DH to get involved when SD has her "little" problems at school often. BM sent DH because DH seems to be able to calm SD.
DH picks her up at school. The teacher tells DH that SD was cursing and threatening people. She was removed from the classroom and placed in another room while waiting for DH to get there. We are about 15 to 20 minutes from her school. When she was placed in the other room she damaged furniture and a laptop computer. She threw the laptop across the room. She assaulted a teacher. She was then placed in another room that was empty.
During the car ride, SD would NOT calm down. She was going back to the F'ing school and kick everyone's a@@. DH said that he couldn't get her to calm down. She was yelling and cursing. While driving down the road, she decides to jump out of the car. DH was able to grab her arm and stop the car. SD turns on DH. She told him to call the police and put her in jail. I was surprised but DH called 911.
When the cops arrived, she told the cops that DH wasn't her father, he was just her sperm donor. She started cursing the cops and told them that DH hit her in the face. DH said if he hit her, it was when she was trying to jump out of the car and he was trying to stop her. SD starts cursing the police and threatening everyone there. BM is called and she couldn't do anything either. The police arrested her. She started cursing and fighting with the police.
She was taken to the mental ward of the hospital because she tried to harm herself and others. The nurse called DH last night and informed him that it looks like SD is on drugs and SD is refusing a urine/blood test. SD is bipolar so it could be mania , drugs, or a combination of drugs and mania. They are sending her to another mental hospital about 3 hours away. She will be there for at least 72 hours.
DH is very upset. He says SD has never been that out of control with him. He said it broke his heart to see her arrested. BM has been telling DH for years that SD gets out of control like this but DH didn't want to believe her. He had his head buried in the sand. I am hoping this is his wake up call.
The "rape" trial is next week. SD may not be there. Everytime she has one of these "spells" she is placed in the mental ward for about 5 to 10 days. She is going to a different hospital this time. She usually stays at the local hospital but they didn't have any beds.
- Daisymazy2's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
WOW!
WOW!
Is she medicated for bi-polar disorder? Has she been taking those meds if she is?
I wonder if there is an in-patient program for her that she can stay in until she turns 18. Something that will allow her attend school there as well?
She is medicated
She wasn't taking her meds according to BM. If there is an in-patient program BM hasn't found it yet. She has tried for years to get her help. It is really hard to determine what is causing her behavior lack of parenting, Bipolar, or drugs. It is more likely a combination of all 3.
Once again a corelation to
Once again a corelation to BM1... She is Bipolar and goes manic often. She has also been into drugs her whole life. Her dad and SM tried to get her help but mostly enabled her until she in her mid to late 20's. Then they stopped taking her side and stated taking the sides of the kids that she keeps popping out and losing into the system or their fathers (like DH and one other who has 2 blind and otherly disabled teens). She used to try and talk SS into getting off meds so he could expericence the world the "way it should be felt!" and other crazy nonsense.
One thing that we have looked into and are going to pursue soon is getting an adult guardianship of SS19. It is commonly done with people who have disabilities. Bi-polar is an easy argument to make in court for the guardianship according to our lawyer. SS19 is also autistic and he wants us to have it over him, he isn't ready for the real world.
It keeps you informed of doctors appointments, medications, allows monitoring of meds, keeps her from going manic and opening credit cards and going crazy, signing leases, buying cars- she is essentially still a minor and has to have your (husband's or BM's) approval for most things. It is a layer of protection and our lawyer has done many for bi-polar adults that won't stay on meds and can't live in the real world, which is something SD can't do right now. Since she is 17, your DH and BM may want to speak to an attorney about one to keep her safe from herself.
Holy Cow
Makes you wonder if she just flipped out on that boy.
Also, she’s still a minor. Can’t her parents approve the drug test? If she won’t pee they can take hair. They could also sedate her to get the fluids they need. This girl needs some serious help and the professionals need all the information.
I cant believe her parents haven’t been able to get her into care. An aunt in her 90s was institutionalized for being a threat to herself and others and she was fine her entire life until then when the dementia took over...and she did far less that your SD.
I hope DH and BM band together now to do what they can before she’s legally and adult and they have no recourse.
I asked
I did ask couldn't a parent consent to the drug test for her since she is a minor. I was informed by DH that it would be up to SD to consent per the hospital. DH really can't consent since he doesn't have legal joint custody. BM has full legal and physical custody of SD. DH can't do anything. BM has to consent but we are not sure the hospital will let BM or BM isn't consenting.
"BM has been telling DH for
"BM has been telling DH for years that SD gets out of control like this but DH didn't want to believe her. He had his head buried in the sand. I am hoping this is his wake up call. "
I effin HOPE SO! Btw, rape is not an uncommon accusation for people with bi-polar. NOW I understand all her shenanigans-I was wondering about that. This breaks my heart for all of you-it is devastating. I know this FIRST hand because of very similar circumstances with my 20yr old son just in the last few months-and I HAVE parented. It rips your heart out of chest and you feel trapped between loving the person you know is in there and protecting yourself and your family.
FYI doesn't sound like she was arrested, just detained or 1050'd into the psych ward-this happened to my son as well-he was DEEP into paranoia/psychosis/delusions/mania. The police were AMAZING with him and took him in. Many times (as my son) they refuse meds and inpatient/outpatient treatment, and if they are over 18 as parents you have ZERO power.
You know what? I've been begging my ex to step up and be a father and help out-I've also been telling him how bad it his- he has washed his hands and barely ever sees his kids-he was also mentally ill and abusive in our marriage. I resent the eff out of his POS dad for never even trying to be a dad to his kids. So I'm furious at your dh also for not giving a damn properly for his own kid. They definately are a huge part of the problem these kids have.
If he's like my ex- he'll be 'so upset' his kid is sick but won't do crap about it...just leave it all to the bm and criticize her parenting smdh.
I feel for all of you- as a step-parent it's super hard because my dh has to go through this also. It's taken such a toll on our marriage I don't know if we'll survive it honestly.
OH wait, she's 17?? OMG they
OH wait, she's 17?? OMG they have to act NOW! Once she is 18 they can't do anything. At her age they CAN force it straight into inpatientt after her time up is in the detox/stabilize hospital...follow up with intensive outpatient after. Wow, in a way you guys are super lucky she is 17. It'll be a ton easier to get her help.
She will wail/threaten she isn't going to go-but at her age the parents have control. The mental health hospital will be talkign to the parents-so your dh has to reach out. You can go visit on weekends I believe. They will give parents a list of options. Tell him to start his research now. It takes a while-plus to check with insurance...then they can send her straight from there to further outpatient. There are a LOT more resources for teens out there then adults or even young adults. Time to jump on this and get her the help she needs.
FYI- If you're interested I can PM you some private FB groups for caregivers/parents of bipolar children/adult children/spouses. It's been super helpful for me.
BM says she has tried to get help
SD has been in and out of the local mental hosptial for YEARS. They will keep her anywhere from 5 to 15 days and then send her home. She has been to group homes.
BM has done a lot to help SD but I am not sure if she is going in the right direction for help. BM works with kids that have disability problems and helps them get the right treatment. Please PM some private FB groups. I would love to check those out. Thank you
Oh wow....and let me tell you
Oh wow....and let me tell you the system IS broken, seems to be no proper help-just another medical money maker :( People joke all the time about mental health and don't realize the utter devastation and how it consumes and destroys the souls of families. It breaks ALL of you-every single one...not only the one ill-much like addiction. It's a family disease and it is merciless and profound and relentless, tragic....most days a lot of us parents don't even want to live anymore.
This is classic bipolar
Bipolar gets worst with age. SD is hitting that age. And most likely has more then bipolar. Only thing you can do. What you personally can’t do. It keep on her medication. But SD looks like she does not like the meds. So she does not take them. And the circle continues
WOW. Stay out of it as much as you can
Yeah. I feel you here. Just as recently as a few weeks ago, Feral Forger and Toxic Troll again got into one of their knock down drag out fights, resulting in threats of eveiction, resulting in self harming and howling and accusations. So Toxic Troll stuck Feral Forger in the physch ward of some hospital. Because Feral forger is 20 and has gone no contact with us, we have no idea where she curently is (I have disengaged completely.) and Munchkin SD13 has no ideas also. Which we are all all sort of ok with.
Just sending you good thoughts for these trying times.
There is someone in my family
There is someone in my family who is bi-polar and periodically goes off meds and self-medicates with alcohol and drugs. The episode you describe sounds identical to the “breaks” that I’ve witnessed with this person. They do great when they’re on the meds, and then for whatever reason feel like they’re “well enough” to stop, and then it’s just a spiral until an arrest is made, followed by hospitalization, detox from the drugs, back on medication, then the cycle starts again. It’s truly terrible. I don’t k ow what I would do if it were my minor child going through it, but I would try everything to get a handle on it before she turned 18. Even then, at some point there isn’t anything that can be done.