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I know it’s my own damn fault, but I’m still madder than spit!~

cpreston's picture

LONG post, sorry and I don't blame you if you don't read the whole thing, this is me venting!
Backstory, I’ve had a rocky relationship with my oldest sister for about three years. She can be a venomous person. When our Mom got really sick about a year ago and was hospitalized, the three of us “girls” put whatever personal issues we had aside to take care of our Mom

Since then, I’ve been tentatively dipping my toe back into the “sister” thing with my oldest sister and keeping arms length, politeness and putting aside some of the grief she caused me things are going smoothly

She sent me a text message on Monday, saying that our Dad, step-mom & mom were coming up to her house for the 4th of July, invited me, biokid and DH to come over. Nothing fancy, just a pool to swim in and burgers & dogs on the grill and a covered patio or air conditioned house to beat the heat

Sunday night, my 27yo step-son (leech) was waiting for his g/f to get ready to go to her Sisters house for dinner, he asked if we could “do something” on the 4th because her family would probably invite them to a bbq, and he didn’t want to go and deal with her mother (honestly, I don’t blame him. her mother is a drunk and about four beers in, starts to get insulting) is that MY Problem? nope! She’s YOUR girlfriend!

The Mister says “sure, we can do something” and they plan on Leech cooking (he’s a “chef”) and us having a “cookout” for the 4th.

Yesterday AM I woke up early and cleaned the house (admittedly, was letting crap like vacuuming go to see how long they’d let their kid crawl around on cat hair and dirt on the rug… couldn’t deal w/ a dirty house anymore)

Around 11-ish, I said to The Mister, since I didn’t see my Dad on Fathers’ Day, I’d like for us to go up to my sisters and take Pop his gift and cart.. we could hang a little and then come home

He got pissy… like ROYALLY pissy… WE agreed to have a cookout today (no YOU did, I just sat there and listened to that conversation)
He accused me of taking the better offer that came down the pike after WE made plans, then said that he knew what was going to happen, we’d go and then I’d have a glass of wine and wouldn’t want to leave…
Fine, Not gonna argue with you over this… WE’LL have our ‘cookout’

Leech woke up sometime around 2pm…the g/f had been in and out of the house all day. I asked her if her family was having a party and she said “no” and looked at me like ‘why would you ask?”
Leech was in and out of the house from 2-4
At 4:45 I said, when’s he gonna cook?
WHAT? he made the chicken yesterday, YOU were going to use that in the dish YOU were supposed to make today… remember?
No I don’t remember
So… I cooked
Leech, the G/F took the grandbaby to the park… no not the little playground behind our house, they went to the lake that’s a half hour a way
So me, biokid and husband sat and ate
Leech and family came home at 8-ish
They didn’t eat anything I cooked
I cooked A LOT because it was supposed to be for five grown people (I refrain from using the word “adult” when it comes to them)

Biokid asked if her friend could come over and watch fireworks , told her that would be great! (she didn’t get to do much all day, since we didn’t go to my sisters)
(I spent a lot of money on fireworks, I LOVE fireworks)
At 8:30 (before it was even dark) leech starts setting off fireworks without telling me or biokid he’s starting
(apparently he told Husband, who didn’t think it was a big deal to have to tell us)
My kid is frantically calling her friend, who said that she’d be about five minutes getting ready and she’d be right over (her friend lives on the other side of our neighborhood, it’s about a 7 minute walk)

I said to Leech, can you wait a bit for the rest of those fireworks, biokid’s friend is coming over… at that point, he says to me we only have three left

What I didn’t know, is that when he started, he was setting off three at a time!
I said “why’d you start so early and why didn’t you tell us you were starting?? Who gave you the OK to start lighting off fireworks?”

He said it was for his son and he “always does the fireworks” it’s his “thing” every year!

Well, ladies and gentleman, last straw!

I realize that right after the sentence that says “he got pissy” this story SHOULD read Then I said to him “fine, you don’t have to go, biokid and I will go to my sisters and you can have your “cookout’ with your son and his girlfriend”

But NO… I didn’t!

Instead, I sat around my house doing practically nothing
Biokid was on her computer and watched TV and was trying to make plans with a friend
The Husband went back and forth between working (he works from home a lot) and watching TV

When what I SHOULD have been doing was seeing my parents and stepparents and letting my kid be outside, in the pool having FUN

I know that I REALLY have myself to blame on this one… I am JUST as mad at me as I am at him

I told him how I felt about all of it this morning and he said “I apologize, I don’t know what happened”

And that’s it.. I have to accept his “apology” and let it go, because it’s my own damn fault that I let him get EXACTLY what he wanted…


DaizyDuke's picture

how long has Leech been living with you? Dear Lord...this is what I see in my future... jack-off skids with no jobs, no money, leeching off of daddy. I promise you I WON'T be around to watch that freak show.

And why was Leech doing fireworks at 8:30???? It doesn't even get dark until after 9 pm. Is he challenged or just a jerk?

sorry your Holiday got ruined.

cpreston's picture

The 27 year old leech has never “really” left the house. It’s not like he ventured out on his own and hit a financial rough patch because of the economy


there is the exception of that part of that one semester he went away to college and flushed somewhere around $8,000 or more down the toilet! Boo – hoo! I can’t deal… I have to come home or I’ll have a breakdown…boo-hoo)

Yeah, so the “rule” was that as long as you are in school, you can live home, rent free
When you graduate or drop out or whatever you either have to move out, or pay rent

NEITHER happened, but that’s just ONE of the MANY house rules that were never enforced by Husband when it comes to Leech!

Oh and Leech has a job… he just blows his money on G-d knows what… Rent is now DEMANDED before the end of this month, or I change the locks, OR I leave… Husband gets to pick Leech or me!
(rent is going to be saved so that when Leech’s girlfriend gets her degree, I can hand it over to them and kick their asses out the door)

WHY was he setting off fireworks before dark? Oh, because HIS precious child was getting tired and needed to go to bed soon, and HE didn’t want HIS kid to miss the fireworks!

Dontcha Know Daizy, it’s all about HIM and HIS kid and HIS girlfriend and what HE wants to do…

Thanks for the sympathy… I don’t even think I deserve it anymore!

LizzieA's picture

This is absolutely ridiculous. You said no to your family and then the cook-out didn't even happen? Does DH see that absurdity?

cpreston's picture

e-mail exchanges
(from husband)names changed to protect the idiots
Sorry about yesterday. I asked Leech if he ate and he said that he did but only a bit. He said he had a nervous stomach and was secretly setting up his car for the concert tonight all day because it for their “anniversary.” I saw him loading the table and chairs in the car when I was going to bed. He said he was really sorry about that. I asked what the driving around was about and he said he was driving back and forth picking up stuff for tonight. He didn’t know if GF ate and if she didn’t, he didn’t know why.

I swear Leech and I were not in cahoots. How would that be possible? You didn’t tell me about your sisters' until Monday


I accept that, but it would be possible because Leech didn’t even know whether or not GF's family was doing anything, which they weren’t

Feels to me like the two of you decide that since you don’t want to be with our families that we shouldn’t be either… regardless of whether it was premeditated or not, that’s how it turned out to be

As far as your family is concerned, that is completely not fair and you know it. I have been completely supportive of your decisions either way for the last 3 years, and you know EXACTLY what I mean. (what he means is my decision to NOT go to my Dad's for Christmas, to avoid potential problems with my sister)

Don’t make me outline them. (wait, I just did)

On more than one occasion I was willing to reach out to your family with an olive branch, you said no, and I dropped it.
Now you want back in, I said yes without hesitation, and followed you into “the belly of the beast.” (he went to a 70th birthday party for my aunt, at my sister's house.... which went off without any type of incident whatsoever)

You have issues that need to be worked out, and they don’t ALL have to do with me…..and you know it. Are you able to tell me clearly what you want from me as far as your family is concerned? I have been on quite a roller coaster ride since meeting you. Have I lost my patience at times? Absolutely. Have I tried to be supportive of you and been an absolute firewall when you have been unjustly attacked? Abso-f’n-lutely!

This is him, turning it all back on me...
HE's been on a roller coaster
HE's been supportive of me

this is the back-lash I get for asserting myself

cpreston's picture

They were MY fireworks! :?
I shoulda hid them!
(how sad, I have to hide stuff in my own home!)

DaizyDuke's picture

Oh dear Lord, we just had this blow out the other day. SD14 and SS13 were leaving to go a couple states away with DHs aunt. A couple of nights prior, BS2 came out of SDs room with a piece of my luggage (brand new, that I got from my mother for my Birthday in Dec. never been used yet) I forgot that the set had been in the closet in that bedroom prior to SD moving in last month and realized that she was probably planning on using it for the trip and I know how she treats her stuff (like shit) So I took the luggage and hid it. There is other luggage out in the gargage that is in perfectly usable condition especially for a 14 year old who treats her things like crap.

Well, guess what... I get home from work and there is my brand new suitcase sitting on the front porch ready to go. DH must have snooped around looking for it and found my hiding spot. Can't someone just ask or are all of MY things now fair game to SD14 because she is entitled simply because she is living under MY roof???? DH got all pissy, said I was being petty, because I hate SD, blah frickety blah, boo frickety hoo, whatever.

I need to get better about hiding my shit and if I see something of SD's that strikes my fancy (can't imagine what that would be???) I will take it and use it without asking. I'm entitled after all since I am living under her roof.. right??? ARGH!

Willow2010's picture

I get that you did what you did and I also get why you did it. (stayed)

What i don't get is ... what kind of "man" never makes his kid move out?! And on top of that...lets the kids GF move in. WOW!! That is sick.

cpreston's picture

G/F got pregnant and her mother basically dumped her on our doorstep. THEN put the baby-shower in my hands… whatever. I didn’t realize at the time that the “few months, just till after the baby is born” would turn into us having them and a year and a half old baby living with us still

I really thought that the baby was going to be the wake up call to force his son into growing up and taking responsibility… I guess WRONG!

stepmasochist's picture

The wake up call only happens when young parents are actually forced to care for the child. When they've got a free ride, why would they bother growing up and taking care of their responsibilities?

cpreston's picture

Oh and I did marry an enabler, didn’t I?
Husband is watching the grandbaby so that Leech can take G/F to a concert for their “anniversary”
My question was “anniversary” of what? when he first started boinking her? The first time she snuck in our house, slept over and hid out till we went to work? The anniversary of her telling him that she got pregnant? WHAT is this the anniversary of?
(nobody can give me an answer to that)

My step-daughter is in the mental health field (crazy, right?) and she has TRIED to discuss this in the most objective POV with her father that she possibly could, and he tells her he “understands” what it is that she’s saying, but there’s no follow through on his part with any of these discussions.

When I try… he throws in my face that I “boomeranged” twice… that I was living WITH MY MOTHER when he met me

Yup, I was… I “boomeranged” twice
once when I got divorced and once when I split up with younger biokid’s father

The first time…
My step-dad died just a few months prior
My mom was alone
My mom was in her 60’s
The second time, I wasn’t even gone long enough for dust to settle on my dresser in the bedroom (practically)

I COULD have moved into an apartment… financially speaking, even with the little money I made, I already had it figured out with a budget
But my Mom offered for us to live in her house so…

I cooked
I cleaned
I ran up and down the stairs to do Laundry for my Mom, since she’s got bad knees
I took stuff up & down the attic when she needed it, because of her bad knees (and the attic steps are rickety)
I paid the taxes, the electric & gas bill, the sewer and water, phone bill and bought food (there was no mortgage on the house… so I didn’t pay “rent”)
I pained the bathrooms
I stripped wall-paper from the hallway and painted that
I helped pay for the kitchen renovation
I paid for the new carpet in the living room and hallways
I cut the grass in the summer
I bagged 50-something bags of leaves every fall
I shoveled snow in the winter
I planted a garden in the spring
I did a thousand other things that you would JUST DO because that’s where you lived…

See where I’m going with this…
Leech does NONE of it (oh, I’m sorry, he cuts the grass when I give him hell about doing it)

I told him that there is NO comparison to the two situations and his only answer is
“why do you care that they’re living with us? they’re rarely even home, they don’t bother anyone…”

Read through my blog posts, read through my forum posts in the year since I joined this site… does it sound to ANYONE here like “they don’t bother anyone?”

I have slipped on my disengaging and THIS Is what happens to me

I need to get back into what-the-fuck-ever mode and just do MY own thing with MY kid and Fuck the Leech and his G/F and Fuck my husband till he makes the asshole son of his DO SOMETHING AROUND THE HOUE< PAY RENT AND THEN GET THE FUCK OUT!!


Most Evil's picture

OMG. I am so sorry this happened. Please make YOUR OWN plans for any future holidays, and don't get talked out of it!! He had had his turn and did not appreciate it, so no more please, for BD's sake!!!

Hanny's picture

My SO invited his girls over for the 4th. Of course they never let us know if they are coming until last minute. Well, after he invited them, we got a great invite to go to a boat party and we both wanted to go. SO actually said he hoped the girls didn't want to come over because they aren't any fun anyway. So since girls never got back to us, we made our plans. I told SO if they call on 4th saying they are coming over you need to say we've made other plans since they never called. So on 4th morning he decides to throw out a Happy 4th to them via text, and tells them what we are doing and tells them to have a nice 4th. I was so proud of him. Wink I think they were going to come over sometime during the day and grace us with an appearance. I'm so tired of that shit. We invite them for dinner, they show up and have just eaten. WTH, if someone invites you for dinner and you accept, then come for dinner, don't eat on the way over!