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I left…It’s not going to change, I’m not going back

cpreston's picture

After the last blowup that I wrote about, I tried to stay… and it happened all over again
On the way home from my father’s house, after we had what was seemingly a very nice birthday dinner (my b-day)
It was more ugly than it’s ever been

I sent him a letter (because I can no longer even talk to him) as I was outlining why I left, I realized how bad it really was

I won’t bore you with the whole long winded list of reasons…
I ended the letter

My daughter is hurting

She did not ask me to bring you into our lives
She has had no control over our decisions
I need to put her happiness and well being first
I want her to know that I am putting her before you or anyone else in this world
She needs to be unconditionally loved
She deserves a home where she feels comfortable
She needs a mom who stands up for her
She needs a mom who stands up for herself

She needs to heal from being put down and discounted


Shaman29's picture

I'm sorry but I'm glad you've found yourself again. Your daughter will heal and thrive under your love and attention.

Hugs to you.

bearcub25's picture

These men have no problem putting their special snowflakes first, so good for you.

dragonfly5's picture

Sorry for your loss, but happy you found your voice and strength, for you and you daughter. You will not regret it.

Sending you hugs and you will be in my thoughts as you make your journey forward.

bi's picture

apparently she thinks she's a psychic and knows so much more about us than we know about ourselves. she's a miserable cow. only miserable cows act like she does. if she was really the wise and wonderful woman she thinks she is, she would be well liked and respected for her good advice and awesome personality. that isn't happening. Miserable. Cow.

luchay's picture

Actually, I love sueu2's advice.

She speaks with a bit of cynicism, but always with wisdom.

She has been here a long time and has seen it all over and over.

Take heed of what she says! Understand the message in what she is writing -

DON'T let him back in to your life unless he steps up and PROVES to you that he will make the changes you need.

doll faced sm's picture


I'd give a more in-depth response, but I'm too busy beating my ss. Just ask Sue2!

Shaman29's picture

Holy shit - Just out of curiosity, I've asked another poster the same question but never got an answer.

Sueu2 - How exactly do you see your monitor with your head up your ass? Or do you just shove it up there with your head? Does it make it difficult to type?

Inquiring minds want to know.

bi's picture

i wish my mom had been half the mother you are. she let my sf say and do whatever the hell he wanted to, as long as he didn't leave her. she was/is pathetic. didn't matter to her one whit that i was suffering and depressed and growing more and more hateful of both of them by the hour, all that mattered to her was making sure he stayed.

she even allowed him to bust in on me in the bathroom EVERY DAY when i was taking a bath, because he had to pee and apparently couldn't wait or go outside. i was between the ages of 11-15 when this was happening, and oh how outraged he was when i said i wanted a lock on the bathroom door. she apparently was either too stupid to see what he was doing or she was in serious denial, but the mf'r was being a perverted bastard and as an adult, i am pretty sure that's why he was such a bastard to me all the time. it was a cover for the fact that he wanted to molest me, and at one point, he did try to. stupid bitch. she asked me a few years ago if he ever "did anything to me". well, he's dead now. and if he had, it would have been years ago and the damage done. so why ask now? why the HELL wasn't she concerned back then? stupid bitch.

anyway, i'm not suggesting this is what your stbx was doing, just sharing my story and wishing i had a mom who put me first. your daughter will always remember this and will love you that much more for it.

cpreston's picture

Thanks to all that offer support. as I'm sure has been the case with many of us things weren't always like this
he sent me an e-mail recalling the good times
the really sad thing is those good times were soo long ago, that I barely can remember them and so much crap has gone on that they mean nothing to me anymore

As if she had some sort of psychic intuition DD asked me today... is he trying to get you back?
She didn't ask if he was trying to get 'us' back, and she was right, he wasn't he barely mentioned her in his email
I was honest, yes
she had a look on her face that told me everything
No my dearest, you have nothing to worry about
we're not going back
I don't know whether I cry because of the loss of something that was good at one time
or that I've allowed this man to slowly steam roll over me over the last twelve years, or that I didn't do this sooner
there's a sense of grieving....maybe grieving what was, or what never was
Grieving the loss of the life I THOUGHT I would have with this person who seemed so wonderful when I met him
thing is, the WHOLE WORLD thinks he's such a great guy and Poor Man, what he went thru
1st wife cheating, alcoholic, drug addict
son dying
Imagine if you knew that guy, without knowing that he's actually a controlling manipulative mean person at home
to the world, he's so wonderful
he's the guy that opens doors for strangers and helps little old ladies across the street
he organized the community garage sale and used to coach pee wee wrestling
Everybody LOVES him
except me and my daughter
I'm sure that he will put a spin on this to somehow make me the bad guy
he's a master at taking words and situations and turning them around
there will be a thread of truth to what he says and then the tone of his voice and the fact that he's SUCH A GOOD GUY will lead everyone to believe I did something wrong
I can live with that
I can't live with not having my daughter's back
was she sometimes wrong? yes, of course, but that comes with the territory of children
she never deserved the treatment she got
she will never be treated like this by anyone in my life again and I pray that when she gets older (heck even now) that she never tolerates the treatment from anyone herself