I'll make this short and sweet.. today was my first O.B. appt for my pregnancy. I'm supposed to be about 10.5 weeks along.. the doctor said all the tests look normal and I'm doing everything right. She did the ultrasound to find the baby, and she said it doesn't look good. Either I have way overestimated how far along I am, or the baby stopped growing. She said it didn't even look big enough to be 7 weeks along. I had blood drawn today to measure my hormone level and I'm getting it measured again on Friday, to see if it's gone up or down. She didn't sound too hopeful though..

I won't go into details, but after a long day of work and home, the kids finally went to bed, DH and I took a shower, and we laid down. We were talking and he started touching me, and I said, "No I want to cuddle first," because for some reason I got scared. We talked for a little bit and cuddled and he started rubbing my back (all very gently), and then he started kissing me and making his way down (sorry if this offends anyone). I immediately started crying and I didn't know why, all I know is I didn't want to do anything sexual.

For the past week and a half or so anything my DH does that doesn't go my way (even when it might be unfair to him) really upsets me and I start getting flushed and half the time break down and cry. I know it's mostly because of my pregnancy hormones, but I'm sure all the pent up resentment and neglect I'm feeling from having ZERO alone time with him for almost a month isn't helping. I constantly nag him because we carpool to work.. we work in the same building, and have almost the same work hours.

I wish I could get over my jealousy of the skids even when they're being nice. For some reason it just burns me up inside every time one of them (especially SS3) says "Daddy pick me up!" Why does it annoy me so much that they want to be carried all the time? Sometimes I think I'm just a no-fun adult. DH even told me last night that he thinks I grew up really quickly. I was an only child and I guess you could say I acted like a small adult even when I was a young child, but I'm sure I had my naughty moments as well.