"it's my kids house too"

Yup, when we moved into our new house we had a keypad lock put on the front door. SS got the code because he lives here full time and he gets home from school before we get home from work.

DH and I discussed whether or not to give the code to SD (who lives full time with BM). We decided she didn't need it because she is never here when one of us isn't here.

Not a month later, SD asks me for the code. I explained what DH and I talked about and didn't give it to her.

The next time she was with us, DH gave her the code. We got into a huge fight about. I get sick of having discussions with him where we agree on something with regards to our home, time or finances and he completely ignores it the second one of the royal children want something else.

He said that "It's her home too" (I don't agree. She visits four nights a month) and she was sad that SS lived here and she didn't (she is adamant that she doesn't want to). I told him that's not the point. If he changed his mind he should DISCUSS it with me BEFORE changing anything. This has happened more times than I can count.

Anyway, Your DH is a Disney dad (just like mine). He is absolutely going to be ok with the kids dropping in anytime they want and having a key.

Girl, this post is all over the place. Either I did not had enough coffee or this is just all over the map.

tankh21, I think BM wants her cake and to eat it too. I think she wants your DH’s undivided attention + at her beck and call, and to also unload/pick-up the kids whenever it best suits her emotional or physical needs.

While I am a firm believer of the whole ‘mi casa es su casa’, I feel there are always limits to it, based on one’s situation, age of the skid’s, etcetera.

When me and DH bought a house together, skid had a key since he lived with us full time and I install a keyless deadbolt and programmed it with a code for my son since he was with us one week on one week off.

When skid got kicked out and didn’t give the key back, I rekeyed the house . DH wanted to give skid a key and the code, I said no he doesn’t live here and I don’t have a key for his house so he does not get one for mine. He wasn’t thrilled but dropped it.

That was a while ago and DH would never give his kid a key now. He likes our privacy and adult kid free house.

I think it depends on the kids.
My bios have keys. I have a key to their house. No one walks in unannounced. We call before we come and ring the bell when we arrive. Keys have actually only been used to check on the house when someone is away. They check ours and I check theirs.

Youngest SD has a key that I insisted we give her. She has never actually used it. She is in what I consider an abusive marriage, and I want her and GSKs to have a place to go if, hopefully when, she decides to leave him.

Oldest SD will never have a key. If I could have kept our address a secret I would have.

My kids live here half the time, but it is MY house.

When they are at their dad's and want to come over, they must call, they can't just walk in.

When they are here, they walk in of course... but they need to understand the sun doesn't shine out their arse, and life goes on while they're away. Sometimes we have friends over. Sometimes we have a rare couple hours to ourselves.

They have keys...obviously if they NEED to come over for one thing they are welcome to... but they should still be courteous enough to let me know.

I don't barge into my mom's house whenever I feel like it, and I expect my kids to respect my space as well.

BM here was really bad about making threats and not following through last summer until we forced her to.

This was before they started the divorce... He always gave her some money to support the kids and I found out she's threaten him with "give me more or you can't see the kids."

I told him "call her bluff" because she's a partier..... He never didn't see the kids for money because if he didn't she couldn't go play and that was more important then the maybe 20 bucks extra he "could" give her.

Then she threw a fit saying he couldn't have them because I was going to be watching them alone for a few hours while he was at work. Well that one we made her stick to because we made plans and wouldn't go them at 10 PM.... she never did that again.

Recently she's started telling him he can't have them any extra if he does X or doesn't do Y.... we're recording and planning on using it later in court since she's essentially black mailing him which is what she's done all along. That one we don't have other leverage because they are with her family when he's trying to get the time and so him not having them isn't hurrying her.

As for them coming over.... we don't live close enough for that to be a problem. If we did I know SO would want them over as much as possible... He wants them full time... I THINK I'd be ok with it given I currently love the kids and have no real issues relating to them that aren't just them being kids. I do understand that I enjoy particular freedoms being kidless for extended times right now but we plan to try and have our own one day so any reason I'd have problems with them just showing up I'd already be dealing with by having my own child home.

Now BM on the other hand will never step foot in a home I'm living in and if she ever tries I will call the cops... even during pick ups we don't let her in and she's had to stand outside for 30 minutes while the kids cleaned up because she was early.

BM will drive SS12 and SS15 over on Father's Day...unannounced to drop a card off. Fortunately they don't have a key.

It's annoying, especially since they see him the day before Father's Day.

BM2 used to drop off SS15 after a weekend visit. I was usually at work so never saw her but once and that was the last visit as she moving back to Cyprus.

While most people get all bent about BM being in the home, I found it highly amusing. BM2 was absolutely shot down and schooled about how things work and exactly whom would be staying in DH's life and wear his ring. That would be ME.
So she's tucked her devil's tail and slinked back to her little island.

No one should show up unannounced, related or not. Simple rule - you call first. End of.

BM and SD are currently banned from my house: I take the trash OUT - I dont allow it back in.

All I'm saying is if BM starts showing up to my house unannounced she better hope she can run faster than a 6 minute mile...