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BM thinks she can call the shots in our house once again!!

tankh21's picture

I haven't blogged in awhile. DH has been laid off from his job so we have been dealing with that. He has an interview today so please pray for us! Any way, so last night was DH's usual Thursday night to pick up the skids well BM has been texting him threatening messages right after he picks them up for the last two Thursday nights. The first one was because he wasn't answering her phone calls mind you he was at work and it was non-emergency so she said that she was taking him back to court when he had asked her to text or email him for anything non-emergency regarding the skids.

Then last night she sent another message telling DH that the skids will have their cell phone in OUR house at all times and she doesn't care what he says about it. DH took the cell phones away a few weeks ago mind you so I am sure they told BM about it as soon as they got home the next morning. So I am curious as to why she is just now telling DH this BS. BM used the excuse that the skids need to have their cell phones when they come to our house because DH never answers her phone calls. There is a difference between not answering the phone when the skids aren't with us and they are with us. Nice try BM!

So DH sent her a text back and told her to again please text or email any non-emergency things regarding the skids and that he makes the rules in his house. BM said that he is trying to hide something and that he will not limit contact with her kids. Well CO doesn't state that DH has to let the skids have cell phones in our house.

The CO states that communication cannot be limited from any parent however reasonable times for the parent to contact the children on school nights is between 5:30 pm and 8:30 pm and on weekends between 4:00 pm and 9:00 pm. BM said that she is sending everthing to her lawyer. Go ahead BM! Good Luck!


Siemprematahari's picture

It's so pathetic that this BM has to stoop so low. If the kids are with their father why does she feel the need to call and see how the kids are doing. They are safe and in good hands but to people like her its all about control. I'm glad he has put his foot down and yes NO ONE should dictate what the heck goes on in their own home. Unless its an emergency and she's dying in a ditch somewhere I wouldn't call her back or respond to any text messages. You can't entertain people like that, you only fuel them to do it more.

Good for you guys and prayers up that he lands a job soon.

Ispofacto's picture

Yeah, these BMs are all the same with this bullcrap, but the courts almost never side with them regarding overriding Dad's rules at his house, and to date I have never heard a case where the court tried to legislate that a parent must answer every single call from the other parent.  If that happened, it would be a hill to die on for us, we'd rather go to jail.  Even the death penalty would be preferable.

DH shouldn't have given her the courtesy of a response.  Any kind of threat she sends is technically harassment.  Either she takes him to court or she doesn't, she doesn't need to inform him.

tankh21's picture

So DH isn't wrong in telling BM that she can talk to the skids on his phone? CO also states that the phone calls cannot be supervised.

ESMOD's picture

I would set up a spot where they are allowed to make a phone call.. let them use their own phone if they want.  They are not allowed to go out of the special space and you won't eavesdrop... but this space should be someplace that provides no ability to snoop.  Perhaps a corner of a room curtained off with a chair in it?  or even a little closet with a light and a chair... it is their only place they can go make their phone call.

tankh21's picture

That is actually not a bad idea ESMOD. Thank you for mentioning this. I will bring this up to DH.

ESMOD's picture

What happened to her wanting to use OFW?  I think it would be a good way communicate AND have a record of it.

Your DH needs to simply tell her "my house, my rules, I will let the kids call you whenever they want... all they have to do is ask me or Tankh to use the phone.  This is MY visitation time and I don't constantly interrupt the kids when they are with you and I expect you to give me the same courtesy.  I am not preventing them from contacting you and you may contact me via OFW if there is an emergency that the kids need to be contacted for during my visitation... otherwise I expect to run my household without your interference.  This is not open for discussion."

tankh21's picture

BM hasn't said anything about OFW. It was just one of her empty threats I guess DH is willing to set it up but she hasn't said anything more about it.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Good grief! Please put this crazy BM cow back in her box, by establishing boundaries. You and DH have every right to set the rules regarding phones in your own home. She is using this as an excuse because she thinks she can control your household. What a crackpot!

(Good luck to your DH. Hope the interview goes well and that he is employed soon.)

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Proud as heck that your DH stood up for your household!!! BM shouldn't EVER be allowed to make rules at your house!!!

Good luck to your DH on his interview! I'm sure he'll crush it!

Aniki's picture

Best of luck to your DH with the job!!

the skids will have their cell phone in OUR house at all times
Oh, their phones will be in YOUR house. Doesn't mean they will be on or that they skids have 100% access to them...
DH's house: DH's rules. BM can suck it.

lala-land's picture

Been there, done that.  All stepkids are now in their twenties, but when they were younger (ages 4 to 18), BM gave them cell phones.  BM was very intrusive and was calling, texting and Skyping every day, at all sorts of hours, day and night.  She would regularly call them after midnight on school nights and talk for hours and text them while they were in school.  All this was about PASing the kids and making them feel guilty for being at our house.  DH had 50/50 custody, so you can imagine how disruptive BM behavior was to our life.  So if you can, shut this nonsense down ASAP!

pixielady's picture

I would just not allow their phones in the house at all. If something happens to them or they break, it’s on you. Your DH should just state that she can call them on his phone during the designated times.

I love dogs's picture

I'd also like to comment on the hours of contact. It is very broad. DH's CO specifies 7-7:30pm. I think that is much more reasonable and predictable as to when skids may be contacted by BM.

Thumper's picture

 cells inside your home. I highly highly doubt dh is ordered to permit BM's cells inside your home.

BM has NO NO NO Jurisdiction in your home. She can not tell him what to do with his time either.  BM has no rights what so ever to demand a cell phone OR a pink elephant to be inside your home. DH must however provide some means for the chillllldreeeennn to talk to mom. It can be his cell or a land line.  IF HER CELLS  are not in a court order do not fret. Tell her to keep them at her house AND dh will have the kids call her unless she doesn't want them to. It's up to her.

Announce to BM that her cells will NOT be welcome in your home. Stop exchanging bags if you have not bags have a quick look thru and put them back in your car for the weekend. The kids should be walking from point BM to point DH with the clothing on their back period. Thats it. YOUR home should have ample clothing, toys for the kids. Of course you let them bring favorite stuff animal or blanket, binky.

IF I were in your shoes...I would call your local telephone company and ask what the cost for land line is. Run to Walmart but a cheap phone and plug it in.  Ours cost 40bucks a month and is worth every penny...I would NOT suggest an activating an answering machine.

Always follow the order---if mom calls during ordered times LET her talk with the kids. IF your busy try to call MOM back when your not busy. "The kids limited time with me will not be spent with them being nervous about IF they will miss your call. Visitation is for the kids and I PERIOD. Courts know this.

He should also tell her on the phone:

STOP TEXTING ME your texts are unwanted, they are unreasonable and they are not emergent. I have stopped all incoming texts from you. IF you need to contact me please call our land line and I will get back to you when I am free. (OR DH can buy a pay as you go trac phone NO texting ability and give her that number) IN the unlikely event one of our children is ill OR going to the hospital and you can not reach me. PLEASE have the attending er doc or his staff call my parents with the hospital name. OH SNAP---by pass crazy by having the doc or nurse call.

What do you all think we did before this cell phone mess for the past almost 20 years? There are many people I know that even today  have cells and keep the numbers private from ex's. We have a cells and land line. LAND line for all business and cell for fun and MY family and MY friends

"Mrs. GoodLuck, do you want to add your cell phone number as a secondary number" I don't. Stop giving out your cell numbers so freely. Gosh I never get stupid calls from anyone. Because they dont have my cell ...It's wonderful actually.

WE control our home, we control our lives. 

You can too by hitting the reset button. 

One more thing--it has been known that some parents turn on tracking devices on their kids phones and they creep on their ex's locations when the kids are at visitation.  Come on now, you have a right to privacy.

Follow the order and make sure there is a telephone number given to BM so she can call the kids per the court order.

Tell her dh will not accept her texts anymore ...block. OK to block because you have now just given her a way to reach you IN an emergency without text capability.

A bm never answered her phone so her ex could talk to the kids. The solution was SHE said she would get an answering machine. Time when by and NO answering machine and talking to the kids was nearly impossible. Turns out in court this was brought up, right in front of a Judge. 'Why dont you have an answering machine so dad can leave messages for the kids".

"because it works for us" she said--------------------The Judge didnt say a single word and the mom was never ordered to provide dad a way to leave a message for his kids.




Harry's picture

Cellphones are part of Teens body’s  An exter part of the hand.   Your SK are going to be upset if you take there phone away. They feel it’s a right they have.  To be connected at all times.  It may not be BM. As it could be the SK themselves complaining they don’t have there phone at your home. 

You have to think of the Kid part,  they may not want to come over and be with out there phone 

tankh21's picture

ARE YOU FOR REAL?? Kids don't have a say in things in a household! I could care less what they have to say about the rules in my house! That is the way I was raised any way. I survived without a cell phone so will the skids. The rules in our house were broken and there is consequences for wrong doing. If we just give their cell phones back what are we teaching them? That they can get their way. I think not. They are teenagers they won't die without a cell phone. BM or the skids don't pay my bills in my house therefore have no say.