A new leaf
So, from my previous post it's probably easy to see I'm fed up with how things have been and have finally started talking back. The tears have been gone, so I was able to find my voice finally.
I have put up with a lot and I'm still here in my marriage for now for several reasons and I probably will be, realistically, for several more years. First reason is my dog. He needs a home with a big yard and I couldn't do that on my own right now. And my dog is extremely important to me, not something I'll give up.
Secondly, maybe now that my attitude has changed and I'm finding it easier to tell DH what I really think, he could wake up. But I don't know that it would repair everything, because I don't feel the same as I once did. But I can build a happy existence within this relationship structure and take care of myself.
Last night SD sent a message to the group text she has with DH and me (BM isn't in it), talking about a pricy gift she want to get sgk. I simply told her it was too expensive and left it at that. I know SD is an instigator of problems, despite her baby voice and playing like she doesn't realize she's done something wrong. And DH is at fault for not seeing it as often as he should. He's seen it a few times and called it out, but since grands have come along it has been very difficult for him to confront her about anything for fear of not getting to see them.
Because of this fear, he has let my feelings be trampled on. And I have to own my part it allowing it. I froze up, not really knowing how to respond or call him out on it. That's on me.
But I feel like the tide has turned because I spoke my mind without getting upset, crying and emotional. It's harder to tell someone they're being 'too sensitive' when they aren't a sobbing wreck. And it felt good to say that I won't put up with this. By put up with this I mean continue to play the happy SM and doting wife. I will continue to live in my home that I help pay for and contribute to. I will take care of that home like I always have. But I won't have the same empathy, understanding and love for him.
It may sound sad, but for me it's a step into taking back control of my emotions and my life. The dynamic that we have now evolved when SD married a loser and reproduced. They took priority and BM was suddenly back in the picture because SD semi lives with her and often takes care of the grands. We live in another state, so DH is dependent on calls, video calls and texting to stay informed. He worries because SD has made a mess of her life and her loser husband is in jail, where most of us hope he will remain.
None of this is my responsibility, nor is it DH's. And my life has been stirred, shaken and poured over ice because he feels more responsibility towards grands than he does our marriage.
I have ranted and raved here and I appreciate all the advice and support. Without STalk, heaven knows the state I'd be in.
Thank you for listening!