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SD disrespect

Robe8238's picture

Submitted by Robe8238 on Fri, 01/06/2023 - 11:08pm

After going back & forth about grown SD & her family coming for Christmas,  she decided against it because i had a biopsy right b4 Christmas.  I bought all the gifts and we had them shipped to her and her family.  I got no thanks at all,  all went to DH.

 

Since the 30th I was officially diagnosed with Breast cancer. Mo a word from SD to me at all.  She called me about an Amazon shipment,  but didn't mention it.  Yes,  even though i know there's "tension" there,  i was hurt.  DH DID tell her about the diagnosis,  she just failed to text or call even to say,  "Thinking of you".  Today i went to surgeon appt.  I'm to have a masectomy and not sure if there will be chemo because more tissue has to be sent off.  DH called her the minute we got home.  STILL,  nothing from this 36yo narcissistic grown as woman.  I'm not sure if i should mention this to DH (ONLY TO MAKE HIM SEE HOW SHE IS). I don't want her well wishes if someone has to tell her to do it.  She texted DH saying that she just came be there for HIM,  but she'd like to help by sending restaursnt gift cards or a cleaning service to help with housework. He just texted back & said,  "we'll see", instead of..."Right now a text or phone call letting her know you care would be what she needs"

 

I'm emotional now and a wreck.  People tell me to quit thinking about her,  but I've been damn nice to her for the abuse I've taken.  

 

Read some of my other post to see what i am talking about. 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 01/06/2023 - 11:17pm

How scary it must all be, I'm feeling for you.  SD's behavior is inexcusable, no other word for it.  Try to put her out of your mind so you can concentrate on keeping your own thoughts and emotions positive.  Please let us know how things go, Robe8238.

Robe8238's picture

Submitted by Robe8238 on Sat, 01/07/2023 - 12:19am

I'm trying,  but her actions are like a slap in the face. 

 

Thanks again. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Sat, 01/07/2023 - 12:23am

My sister went through this a few years ago. It might be helpful to find a support group. Prayers and {{{HUGS}}}

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Sat, 01/07/2023 - 10:44am

I've had several surgeries, one very intense. Not a word from DHs kids except from his oldest calling DH to go do something right when I got back from the hospital....and the son got furious because DH had to stay with me. I lost my mom, a nephew (10 yrs old) and two siblings...again, not a word from DHs kids.

I say this not to take away from your issues, but for examples of this behavior throughout StepHell. And it HURTS. I hear you. I strongly suggest you do as Aniki suggested - find yourself a support group. Stay with us for venting. And above all, remove this horrid woman from your life. It's not too late. You do NOT need this kind of anxiety and trouble in your life dealing with the Breast Cancer diagnosis. Peace above all. My prayer is for your complete healing and minimal pain through all this. Best to you. Sending you a virtual hug.

Merrigan's picture

Submitted by Merrigan on Sat, 01/07/2023 - 1:29pm

Much love and support to you. Hope further biopsies have positive results and your treatment goes smoothly. Cancer has affected almost every member of my family at some point, and it's always a scary time. Truly wish you the best.

If SD wants to send you food and cleaning vouchers, perhaps think about accepting it. It could be helpful, even if you'd rather genuine words from her instead. Treat yourself to something delicious and then forget about her.

My SD's haven't said much since my stepmom passed. Oddly enough, SD18 has been kindest so far, probably because she's growing up and doing her own thing more often. SD16 won't respond when I say hi, and refuses to acknowledge my stepmom's passing, even with all the flowers that have arrived. I don't care anymore. 

constantlyheartbrokenstepmom's picture

Submitted by constantlyheart... on Sat, 01/07/2023 - 7:34pm

I am sorry! For those that tell you to stop thinking about her, tell them to stop thinking about their biological children,because most people would not date. 

I ask myself that all the time, why can't I let her go, and not let it eat at me. That is up to me no one else. Same for you it is your decision when you stop thinking about it, and do not let anyone let you feel differently. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 01/07/2023 - 10:18pm

Focus on  you and your recovery.

SD is shit and you flush shit. That her father is not pllunging his toxic shit spawn down the crapper is disappointing.

Quit wasting your niceties on the SHitDaughter.  

Take care of you.

 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sun, 01/08/2023 - 10:50am

Sending you some good healing vibes and well wishes through this dark time.

I dont know if you read my comment on your previous post, but it still stands. SHE sucks, totally. Your husband needs to treat you with the outmost care and love. Thats a NORMAL need, dont let him off the hook. With all these health challanges you are going through and you STILL managed to buy and send presents to ungrateful Sd and her spawn - you are AMAZING. Please dont forgett that.

But how to deal? I definitely suggest a cancer support group. Vent on here as much and as often as you need to.

I know that her shunning and ignoring you really hurts. It does help to refocus your thoughts into new directions. And another suggestion that people often give is that DH stop telling you anything about her, and you dont look at his texts, even if he tries to insist. Right now is all about YOU, and what YOU need, not what SD wants and doesnt want.

I would also bare SDs a$$ about her imaginary cancer. But seriousy, this time is all about YOU. You and your treatments and healing and surgery.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sun, 01/08/2023 - 11:00am

several years ago, when she was 17 and still living with us, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, and I told her about it before she started treatment, the b!tch rolled her effing eyes at me. Like, I know she hates me, but my mother has always been super nice to her and always bought her presents for bdays and christmas. And she rolled her eyes. Guess what. We are now no contact (my blogs tell the stories) and my mother no longer has to buy anything for her ever again.

reedle2021's picture

Submitted by reedle2021 on Tue, 01/10/2023 - 7:15am

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this - I had read your other posts also.  Please take care of yourself.  Know we are all thinking of you and praying for you. 

As far as SD, f&ck her.  She sounds like a narcissistic, hateful thing.  I would fully disengage.  Your DH needs to focus on you and put her on the absolute back burner.  And you need to cut this b&tch out of  your life.  Or, as Rags said, she is sh&t, and you flush sh&t.  You sound like a very kind person - don't waste your time on someone who will never reciprocate.  As far as her offer for restaurant gift cards and a cleaning service, I don't know that I would accept because she may throw that in your face later. 

Disengage.  Waste no more time on SD.  Focus on you. 

Please keep us posted!  **HUGS**

 

Robe8238's picture

Submitted by Robe8238 on Tue, 01/17/2023 - 8:56pm

Still going back & forth to surgeons.  I've pretty much decided on a double masectomy with reconstruction. 

 

As for SD, still not really much from her.  One text (to me) was: I hope my dad is taking care of you.     THAT WAS IT!!!! I SIMPLY REPLIED,  YES.

 

I just noticed a few days ago that she sent a text (again,  to me): HOW ARE YOU FEELING?  This doesn't mean to much to me.  

 

From the night we got married,  she had obviously had issues with us being together.  As i said,  she's been married for 10 years.  She calls DH constantly during the day for stupid stuff (knock knock jokes?). She reminds me of a high school girl jabbing a crush on a guy and wanting to call for ANYTHING.  SHE HAD ISSUES.