You are here

SKID weekend...lord give me strength...

fedupstep's picture

SD16 is here...she only comes to our house when she wants to now, which works out to about once a month. Good for me because I can only handle her that long. Sometimes we don't know until the week of if she's coming or not because DH allows her to change her mind right up till the day we expect her.

I knew this was the weekend because DH always gets pissy the days leading up to her visit. We always have a fight about something stupid a day or two before her arrival and then I get to spend the weekend being mad at him and resenting her lazy, disrespectful ass.

This pre-visit fight was about feelings. Apparently I have been 'over sensitive' lately. Perhaps that is true but there are reasons for that. I am working 4 part time jobs and going to school at night. He is off work right now waiting for wrist surgery. I am completely overwhelmed and sleep deprived. My 'over sensitive' ass snapped on him Thursday night when I got home from my 16 hour work/school day and he didn't salt the driveway. I didn't even expect him to shovel, just salt it so I wouldn't slip in the dark. I do 90% of the housework on top of everything else and know that will soon be 100% when he has his surgery next week. He of course got defensive, told me he was waiting for the snow to stop (even though it stopped almost 4 hours earlier). After a screaming match he asked if I had anything else bothering me...I said yes...his daughter...

SD16 is expected to clean up after herself when she's here and assist with basic upkeep. (Helping with dishes, putting her laundry in the basket and not leaving a trail of crap everywhere she goes.) He told her months ago that since I was working so hard, he and SD16 will do a little more on the weekends to help me out when I'm doing homework. Due to numerous behaviour issues, SD has few privileges here. By doing a little extra to help, she will earn them back.

DH has not enforced ANY of it. Even picking up after herself. So when I snapped on him, I told him that I didn't appreciate that SD16 was allowed to sit on her ass after a 50 work week, plus school, plus homework, I had to do ANY housework. He had nothing to say because I was right. He eventually agreed and said SD would help him with several chores on Saturday morning.

This weekend is the anniversary of my mom's death. (hence some of my oversensitivity) I don't ask for much. But a hug of acknowledgement from DH would have been nice. Even the family I clean for gave me flowers.

I told him I was planned on getting some homework done before heading to the cemetery on Saturday. I came downstairs, obviously unexpectedly, to DH racing around cleaning. He didn't see me for a couple of seconds. I asked, 'what are you doing?' I startled him and he looked at me like a deer in headlights. Then I got it. He was going to do ALL the cleaning while I was distracted and then tell me SD helped. I just shook my head in disgust. I suppose I should be thankful that it was done. I left without saying goodbye.

When I got home SD asks where I was...I told her at the cemetery. Her response? 'Did you have fun?'

Just. Shut. Up.


luchay's picture


:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

Did I read that right? She is 16???? not 6?????

Oh my fucking god.

I would have had a hard time not bitch slapping her.

fedupstep's picture

I just walked out of room and cried in the bathroom for a while. I haven't said 2 words to her since.

ChiefGrownup's picture

What a little bitch.

And what the hell is wrong with her father. God forbid a 16 year old girl lift a dust cloth. Unbelievable.

fedupstep's picture

He knows it's now up to her if she wants to come here or not. If she doesn't have fun during one visit, she threatens to not come back. I have gone blue in the face explaining to him that chores are not 'punishment', they are teaching her basic life skills for when she is FINALLY out on her own. And it's not like we are asking her to clean up after us. Just after herself and help with dishes or meal prep.

A few months ago, I took some clean towels into her room they day after she left and noticed her garbage was overflowing and a half eaten sandwich on her desk. She is not supposed to be eating in her room for this exact reason. I left it. Just closed the door and waited for her next visit. A month later. Smile

She showed up and I waited till she went in her room. She screamed, "EEEEEHHHHHHHHHH DDDDAADDDYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" He went running up the stairs. The smell was horrid. She could have used what was left of the sandwich for a science experiment. She was crying and screaming while DDDAADDDDYYY freaked on her for leaving food and garbage in her room. She probably cried, 'it's not my fault' a dozen times while DH gagged and opened a window.

She had to sleep on the coach for the weekend. Poor precious perfect.

ChiefGrownup's picture

OMG, what a great story, fedup! Have to say I'm very surprised your dh handled it like that, good for him.

Yeah, the whole life skills thing. I'm blue in the face, too. After SD15 left one too many disgusting things for me to discover plus sd behaved spectacularly cruel to her dad, dh finally decided some chores might be a good idea after all. So she does about 2 things now. It's a start. I would love to seem him tell her something was actually her fault, too.

fedupstep's picture

Im very surprised he handled it like that too. Normally he would do anything he could to rescue her. He just didnt know that food was there. I just shrugged. But she is better about leaving food in her room. Not perfect but better.

luchay's picture

LMAO - now that is funny!

We had the no food rules too (in the bedrooms - not no food ever }:) ) but SD14 would always break it and OH would never do anything about it, I too USED to just clean it all into a bag at the end of the weekend and ask him to deal, he never did.

So I stopped, just shut the door on it, knowing there were half drunk juice boxes, and food crap everywhere. I HOPED for the same result as you.... But Dear Ol' Disney Daddy would sneak up there when I was out and clean it all up before she came back (I don't think he realised I knew)