Well, my boyfriend got a call Thursday night at 7:30 p.m. from his daughter alerting him to the fact that she was having surgery Friday morning at 7:30 a.m. for her adenoids. This was the first we had heard from her in three months, not to mention that it would have been nice for biomom to let her father know earlier. So, Friday morning he went to the hospital to be with his daughter, where he should be. Although he thought it would have been a little awkward, because the last time he encountered biomom was the blowout at our house about the daughter being out of control and manipulative (that was the blowout that caused his daughter not to come to our house for the last four months). It went fairly smooth "the biomom was as nice as pie". That's how it has always been handled, the problems are swept under the rug like nothing ever happened, until it happens again. Now, this is where the story starts not to make sense...

My daughter, who is very close to my boyfriend's daughter (they go to the same school and the biomom brings my daughter to school every morning, even though her daughter hasn't come to the house since December)came home from work Thursday night and we questioned whether she knew about the surgery and why she didn't tell us. She became defensive, stating that it wasn't her obligation to tell us, and she was right. I later apologized and I thought everything was fine. The next morning (the day of the surgery), my daughter had to make alternative arrangements to get to school. My boyfriend left the house before her and asked her to lock the door behind her. Well, when my boyfriend returned home, the door wasn't locked and the garbage can was knocked over, the recycle bins were thrown on the lawn and the doormat was also thrown off the porch. This never happens any other day. We believe my daughter did this to act out. She does things to push my boyfriend's buttons (just like his daughter does to me, only my daughter it a little more subtle, or shall we say sneaky about it). Well, when my boyfriend confronted her about the garbage cans when she came home from school, she responded by saying "it's not like I did it". She went to work and when he told me, I told him I didn't think she would do something like that. The more I thought about it though, the more I began to wonder if she wasn't just trying to push his buttons (sometimes its hard for us to see fault in our own kids). We both decided to discuss it with her when she came home. We called her upstairs and started to ask her first, my boyfriend asked why she left the door unlocked "I forgot". I told her we didn't buy that because you have to close it when you leave, how can you forget to lock it. Then it escalated into an all out war because she didn't like that we accused her of playing games, she proceeded to say my boyfriend hated her, which is way out of line because he is very good to her, talking to her about college, boys, etc. Then she exclaimed she would go live with her dad and everyone would be happy. Again, we told her that that was not what we wanted and not what she wanted. SHe then went out (had plans before all this blew - maybe we should not have let her go, but it was better to let things calm down). I told her to put the recycle bins back where they belonged when she left. Well, the recycle bins were right where they were left the day before. I was livid the next morning. I again went down and told her that I would not tolerate her being defiant, that she was 16 and she should grow up and we then got into another argument with her telling me to get out of her room... She also claimed I was "choosing sides with my boyfriend". There are no sides - I shouldn't have to make a choice between her and my boyfriend, she just needs to respect our rules and not act out - she is normally very vocal about what bothers her. She went to work and then came home, changed and her father was in the driveway to pick her up (she hadn't been to his house in over a month - her choice). So, she ran away from the situation for the night. The saga will continue tonight when she gets home. Help - Advice anyone?