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Oh, BabyVoice.....and, GGGGRRRRRRRRRRR, DH

WalkOnBy's picture

So, DH decided to give BV two chores a week and pay her for them. I don't agree with this, but it's his money, so whatever....

What are the chores, you ask?

1. Take the garbage out Wednesday nights
2. Bring garbage can/recycling bins back to the garage on Thursdays
3. Empty the reload the dishwasher each day

She gets $20 bucks for these obviously demanding and grueling chores.

BV was at Medusa's dad and SM's from Sunday morning until Wednesday night. I was handling the dishwasher situation and I took the garbage out Wednesday when I got home from work. BV came home after the garbage went out.

I pull in the driveway from work yesterday and what do you know? The garbage cans and recycling bins are sitting out in front of the house...I come into the house to find the empty egg container sitting on the counter. The dishwasher has been emptied and reloaded, though there are still a few dishes in the sink.

BV and her friend come walking in the house-apparently they were down at the park. I asked her to bring the garbage cans in. She said "oh, I thought that was tomorrow."

I replied, "you did not see them in front of the house when you walked up to the house?" She said no. She and her friend head upstairs.

I stopped her and told her to bring the garbage cans in. She huffed and puffed but went outside to do it. I then said to her, "so, when you used the last of the eggs this morning and walked over to the garage door to put it in the recycle bin, you didn't think that the absence of the recycle bins meant that they were out by the curb?"

Her reply? "Well, I didn't look in the garage. I wasn't going to recycle it." My response? "So you were just going to leave it sitting on the counter?" BV - "I was going to throw it in the garbage."

Me-"but you didn't. You left it sitting on the counter." Blah blah blah blah and then she went upstairs.

There is no way in hell I buy her bullshit. I know exactly what happened-she walked over to the garage door, opened it up, saw that the recycle bins were not there, closed the door, put the empty egg container back on the counter and went about her merry day.

Also, there were sandwich crumbs all over the table. She has been told time and time again to clean up after herself, which means wiping the crumbs off of the counter and or table.

Apparently, it is just too much for her.

Went to grab a paper towel, and of course, found an empty tube. I took pictures of the dishes in the sink, the crumbs all over the place and sent them to DH. Just as I suspected he would do, he walked in the house and wiped down the table, replaced the paper towels and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

I said, "DH, can I ask you something without you getting mad?" He said, "not now" and headed upstairs. Uh, okay then. Later on he asked me what I wanted to ask him earlier. I told him that I feel like as long as he goes behind her cleaning up her messes, there will never be any incentive for her to do it herself.

His response? "I'll handle it." My reply? "Yes, and that's the problem.

We see Therapist on Tuesday for the first time since ASS moved out - I am very much looking forward to it.

Oh, and I told DH that I would take the $20 this week since I was the one who did the lion's share of the work.

And, so it goes.......

Comments

Sweet T's picture

Why is he so afraid to parent these kids? Isn't he afraid that she is going to turn out like the first one?

WalkOnBy's picture

he says, "it's not a big deal" to clean up after them.

I wish he had a more sour temperment so that he would get frustrated and bark at them to do their freaking jobs....

She won't turn out like ASS - she's pretty meek and not the least bit confrontational.

Teas83's picture

I'm in complete agreement with you about paying kids to do simple household chores - it's ridiculous. Everyone should contribute to the household and clean up after themselves without getting payment for it.

I would be so frustrated with BV and your husband too. My SD8 is already headed in this same direction - lots of excuses, no accountability for her actions, lying, etc. And my husband is the same way yours is with this kind of thing.

WalkOnBy's picture

it's maddening, isn't it?

I think I am going to go back my old standby from when my kids did this shit.

Pick up the offending object and chuck it on their beds. }:) }:) }:)

The thing that frustrates me the most is the complete and total lack of follow through or forethought in these kids and DH seems to be totally okay with that.

I feel some engagement coming on again. BV has a room that looks like a pigsty. Usually, I just close the door when it comes to kids' rooms, but she throws all her shit on the floor because her dresser drawers are full of empty bags. That's what I said - empty bags. Empty grocery bags. Empty Abercrombie bags. Empty shoe boxes. Why? Throw that shit out and stop being a fucking hoarder!!!!

iluvcheese's picture

My DH used to do this, he's gotten better. I'm not sure what actually led to the change, all my complaining, the threat of $1000 emergency vet bills from the dog eating stuff he shouldn't because of her mess, or me saying what kind of man will want to marry a messy girl with horrible manners. Her table manners are something to behold, I won't bring her around 3/4 of my dads family, because I'm pretty sure they'd disown me if they saw her eat & I'm embarrassed by it.

WalkOnBy's picture

Oh, her manners are horrible. Holds her head up with her hands, sighs all the time, stares off into space, chews with her mouth open. I won't go out to eat with her.

We are going to my dad's tonight for a family BBQ. Last night, Karate Kid asked if he had to go because his friend was having a pool party. He doesn't know any of my cousins who are in town and what 16 year old wants to go to a BBQ with adults, anyway, so I told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to.

I mentioned this to DH this morning as we were leaving the house. He said "well, I guess we should tell BV that she doesn't have to go, either. I mean, if KK isn't there, she will REALLY mope around."

Me - "oh, you think? It's up to you, babe."

}:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:)

Willow2010's picture

I think I have told you this before but you are the most engaged, disengaged person! Lol.

I think I would have just left it for DH to do when he got home and not even said anything to BV. Main reason is because of being disengaged but the second reason (devil’s advocate here), ASS just moved out. You had terrible problems with him. Now you are having problems with BV. All I am saying is be prepared for DH to say that you are never happy. One kids is gone and now you are focusing on the other kid. I mean, you know how these guys are.

WalkOnBy's picture

when it invades my work space - and the kitchen and the table are my workspace - I get involved. DH wasn't supposed to be home until late last night, and I don't feel the need to wait for my work space to be cleared until DH gets home.

And, I am not "focusing" on the other kid.

Willow2010's picture

LOL...I put a period where there should not have been one. .... This is how it should have read.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

All I am saying is be prepared for DH to say that you are never happy AND one kid is gone and now you are focusing on the other kid. I mean, you know how these guys are.

Im saying that DH is going to say you are focusing on the other kid.

Tuff Noogies's picture

ah the trials of being custodial. i think she was just being a typical lazy kid. mine wouldnt even bother attempting to recycle something, they just leave that s#!t laying on the counter or table. it's maddening, and dh chooses not to enforce. i may say something on the rare occasion if it involves food spoiling (last night, milkjug left on counter w/ milk spilled. damn right i mentioned it to dh.)

anything else, i ignore. i've told dh many times i dont cook or clean around obstacle courses, and i'm not the maid. so when it gets bad enough, he takes care of it himself, or sometimes he recruits the kids for 'help' that he often pays for.

men.

WalkOnBy's picture

there is no way in hell that she "didn't see" 4 recycling bins (I'm a recycling nut) and 2 garbage cans at the very drive way she walked up to get into the garage and then into the house.

Tuff Noogies's picture

lurch doesnt "see" stuff either. "lurch plz take that trash bag out." "what trash bag?" "the one 2 feet directly in front of you!" "oh." *facepalm*

"lurch plz put your shoes in your bedroom where they belong." "what shoes?" "the ones you just stepped over just now to sit on the couch!" "oh." *facepalm*

lather, rinse, repeat.

i swear to God that kid wouldnt be able to find his @$$ if it wasnt attached. he's very intelligent and very likeable, but damn sometimes Wink

WalkOnBy's picture

LOL!

kathc's picture

I think they're incapable of SEEING that they leave crumbs on the table. I'll even point them out and skid is like "what?" My skid is why I drink.

WalkOnBy's picture

My skids are totally why I drink.

I was texting with some friends last night and telling them the days' events....I muttered as I was typing "and he wonders why I drink?"

hereiam's picture

Haha. My DH wants to drink before, and after, he even TALKS to his own DD25.

I drink just because. Her crap doesn't bother me anymore, since we are not responsible for her or her choices. DH worries about her, though. So, I guess I drink so he won't drink alone!

Tuff Noogies's picture

lol! i drink to relax when kaos is grating on my last nerve. i also drink to celebrate when kaos is *not* grating on my last nerve.

and yes, fruit, every day that ends in 'y'! Wink

Just J's picture

Wow, $20 a week to do those tiny things? Dang! I pay my DD12 $5 to empty the dishwasher, clean the bathroom she and her brother share, fold laundry and keep her room clean. If she doesn't do it all, she doesn't get paid. If she babysits DS8 that week, she'll get an extra $5. But wow, $20, I can't imagine paying my kid that much for helping out around the house (or not, as your case seems to be). Why doesn't your DH just give her money for nothing, and stop the pretense of doing chores? It's probably what he really wants to do anyway. Dumb.

WalkOnBy's picture

Yeah - I couldn't agree with you more.

I asked him why he wanted to pay her for chores. To teach her about money.

I asked him if he wanted her to learn that people pay you for doing next to nothing? He said no. I told him that he was doing precisely that.

I even said "just give her the damn money - she won't do it, you'll follow around behind her doing her job for her. What's the effing point??"

WalkOnBy's picture

right????

And I will say the same kind of thing that I say now "well, you never blahblahblah with her, so what did you think was going to happen?"

hereiam's picture

Oh, yes, the first job.

My SD25 got a job when she was 16. Lasted a week (so, probably 2-3 days of working, being part time and all). Fast forward, she didn't get a job again until she was about 23 (her aunt got her the job) and that lasted about 6 months. I was quite surprised but it was a friend of her aunt, so I think that the friend put up with her longer than she really wanted to.

That's it folks. Oh, wait, in between those two, she worked retail, lasted one day; they never put her on the schedule again.

My DH constantly tells her she needs to get a job but she is LAZY.

Just J's picture

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