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Drama and Manipulation

smcpaw's picture

Well, so much for "starting over" with my boyfriend's daughter - Friday she called from her job and said that she felt faint and had to come to the house until biomom got out of work. So, she spent the afternoon at the house, had something to eat (claims she hadn't eaten in 2 days and that's why she felt faint - self infliction = I have a feeling the job won't last too long). When I got home, she told me her dad had to bring her to biomom's house to get clothes for her job the next day (she decided she would spend the weekend with us). Dad begrudgingly drove her home and explained we weren't running back and forth to get her belongings all weekend. She came back with only her cell phone charger. Thereafter, she manipulated her father into letting her go to a friend's house. The biomom called looking for her within an hour after she went to a friend's, starting screaming at my boyfriend that she was supposed to be spending the weekend with him, not at a friend's house (again - biomom trying to control both households). My boyfriend thereafter received a call from daughter and he told her to be home no later than 10:00 p.m. She then called biomom, biomom told her she could stay until 11:00 p.m. and biomom would pick her up. Haven't seen her since. More manipulation by the daughter and more meddling by the biomom who validates the daughter's manipulative behavior. UGH!


Dawn-Moderator's picture

That would make me mad too!! I don't know what I would do in that situation. That manipulation and meddling needs to stop.

I guess the question is, why did she say she wanted to spend the weekend at your house and then pull all of that crap?


smcpaw's picture

Dawn, Thanks for the response. I'm not quite sure why she would want to come back and be worse than she was before. Maybe she wants us to know, that she is never going to change, she will always manipulate and she can do whatever she wants because biomom justifies her actions, makes up excuses for her and let's her pull all the punches. The biomom and my boyfriend's daughter have apparently been going to counseling and the biomom tells my boyfriend it is now time for him to attend. After this past weekend's events, my boyfriend received a message on the answering machine from his daughter saying "hi, it's me dad, call me back". When he did call her back, less than an hour later, she stated that he had missed the counseling appointment (was never told a date and time prior as to when, where and what time the appointment was). Again, the daughter manipulating the situation, blaming him for not wanting to be there, when in fact she didn't give him any notice. The next day, the biomom spoke to the boyfriend about a health insurance issue and my boyfriend questioned the mother's meddling with the weekend and, of course, the mom stated it wasn't her fault, the daughter was lying... I'm sure there was no punishment by the biomom for the daughter's actions and behavior. I really don't know what to do - I feel like this revolving vicious cycle is never going to end. The mother has to stop meddling and the boyfriend needs to put his foot down with the daughter - either our way or she can stay at her mom's house. It only causes my boyfriend to be angry and frustrated with the way she acts, she leaves because she doesn't like the rules and our weekend is ruined because he's upset, I'm upset and she is off on her merry way!

Sweetie's picture

Hey Scmpaw,
After all that drama, and faintness, did you happen to make your stepdaughter a full four course dinner? Smile I think that the older these kids get as stepchildren the more difficult and creative they become with the wild scenarios. I don't know how you stand it. I would have been absolutely livid and have dumped the stepdaughter back on her Mom's doorstep. If she can't stay at her Dad's on his weekend, and follow through with the arrangements with her Dad, then she can stay at her Mom's. Finis! There's no need to have any conversation with the meddling biomom which only adds to more frustration and anxiety to the situation. She's not part of your household and shouldn't have been involved. I hope your boyfriend resolves this so it doesn't happen again because this is ridiculous and makes everyone's weekend miserable. My thought is that a new week is starting full of bright sunny days for you and your boyfriend so try and enjoy them alone.
Regards, Sweetie

smcpaw's picture

Sweetie - Thanks for your comments - No I didn't have time to make the darling dinner. She was at the house when I came in with the groceries after working a 10-hour day (she called me on my way home and placed her dinner order - didn't like what I was planning). When I got home, she was waiting in the car for her dad to take her to her mom's house to "get clothes for the weekend and work". When they returned, she only had her phone charger - I was so angry and told the boyfriend I wasn't running her back and forth to her mom's to get clothes, etc. for the rest of the weekend. I proceeded to start dinner when the doorbell rang. It was the daughter's friend's dad, she was going to her friend's house (persuaded her dad on the drive over to her mom's to get her "clothes"). So, never had time to cook her dinner, and she never returned because she didn't like the time imposed to be home and mommy dearest came to the rescue yet again. I never speak to the bio mom anymore. I'm done being nice - the daughter and mom enjoy creating chaos in our home. I really don't know what to do - I love my boyfriend, want him to have a relationship with his daughter, but I can't continue to have disruption in my home - soon, my daughter will try and act the way his daughter does - although she is a little older and even she sees the way she is and can't believe she acts the way she does - but monkey see, monkey do! No one said it was going to be easy, but this has to stop!