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Starting Over

smcpaw's picture

Well, things have calmed down somewhat with my daughter. I think she knows what she did with the garbage cans, recycle bin and mat were childish and that she was only trying to cause conflict between my boyfriend and I. She has been on her best behavior after I told her that I wasn't going to be forced to make a choice between her and my boyfriend, there is no choice and I love them both and her and my boyfriend's daughter are not going to break us up - we're in it for the long haul.

Now, after my boyfriend's daughter had her adenoid surgery (he received a call the night before as we had not seen, nor heard from her after my boyfriend tried to discipline her in January and her mom, my boyfriend and the daughter got into a huge argument about running away from the parent who was trying to gain control of an out of control 15 year old and the mother ultimately validated her daughter's behavior and that was the end of trying to be a parent for my boyfriend)she is feeling better and my boyfriend and her are now communicating. She called my boyfriend yesterday and asked him if she could come to the house during Easter break. He told her that things would have to change and she would have to not play her games (i.e., disrespect, misbehaving and playing games - not unlike my own daughter) and we would all try and start over. She has a job for the summer and needs transportation next week to and from work during the day and needs my boyfriend to bring her. I am glad that she is going to start being around, but I fear her need for a ride to work next week si the reason she is coming over. I hope things do change for the better, but I'm afraid of the vicious cycle. I am willing to try again, but if the games start, i.e., her disrespect, my missing personal belongings, the constant demanding for material things, I think I am going to jump the bridge. Here's hoping we can all live in harmony and happiness...


smcpaw's picture

Boyfriend's daughter called him today to let him know that her Grandmother was bringing her to work today and that she was spending the night at a friends and we might see her tomorrow. When boyfriend told me I asked if it was supposed to be our weekend and he said he didn't know. I then told him that I hoped she wasn't telling the biomom she was spending the weekend with us and is up to no good. I'm just a little suspicious and with every good reason, it has happened in the past... I can already tell things will be the same as they were the last time until things exploded! Help - Advice welcome - I try to mind my business, but don't want to get blamed by biomom when something happens and the daughter is caught in a manipulating lie/scheme!

Whitney's picture

hello, you don't know me but i was reading your comment about your boyfriends daughter. i wanted to give a little insight. My background is that i am 21 and my parents have been divorced for about 11-12 years. When my father told us that we had a new "mom" i was so mad. I got overit and something happend that changed our family and once again i was that time I was 15. When ever my stepmother would talk to me she was blown off because she came at me like she was my new mom...or atleast thats how i felt then. kids are funny, they will come to you when they know that you will not judge. I am seeing this more and more as my half sister who is now 15 is not listing to her mother and would rather come to me for advice. I tell her the right things to do but i don't come at her like i am telling, but that i am suggesting and that makes all the difference in the world. I hope i helped a little.

smcpaw's picture

I hear what you are saying. I have a daughter of my own so I kind of know how teenagers are towards new people in their parent's life. My daughter has to deal with my new boyfriend and her father's new girlfriend so I know what you mean by not accepting the outsider. I have tried to treat my boyfriend's daughter with the utmost respect and never impose my judgments upon her - I tried to have her mom involved by inviting her into our new home, having her there for birthday celebrations, etc., but then my boyfriend's daughter was deliberately hurting me by excluding me from her birthday celebration - invited both my boyfriend and my daughter and tried to be sneaky about it. Had she been open with me and explained that she would feel awkward if I was present, I would have been fine with it - we did have a very open relationship prior to her rebelling against me. Maybe someday she will accept that I am in it with her father for the long haul - her parents haven't been together since she was 4. I try not to act like the replacement mother - nor would I want to be. I try to be non-judgmental, but I refuse to be stepped on and disrespected in my own home. I appreciate your advice though, and value your opinion. Thanks again.