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Early morning text

ETexasMom's picture

OSD got started early this morning. Before 7:30am this morning DH said he got a text from OSD. I asked what it was since I was a little worried because it was so early and he handed me the phone. The text basically said SGS misses you and ETexas. I asked if he knew what that was about and since last we heard just a month ago they sent SS to tell DH was an awful person I was and how I was ruining his relationship with them. He said I guess she realized I wasn't visiting unless you were with me. I told him wasn't happening that I had jumped off that merry go round and wasn't getting back on.

Sad thing is I do miss the grandkids. I could care less if I ever saw Skids again but I miss being grandma to the grandkids. However I know if I allow myself to pulled back in that it's a cycle that will repeat it's self. To the Steps the grandkids are just weapon to use to get you to do what they want or to hurt you.

Anyway the whole thing made me sad because I wish I could go visit them and it be pleasant but this has happened way too many times now.

ETexasMom's picture

I have no idea. I asked him if was going he said no. It's not my job to plan his relationship with them anymore. He's a grown man with his own car, cell phone, and bank account and so are the steps. If they want a relationship it's up too them.

still learning's picture

Isn't this what they wanted, you out of the picture? Did they think that DH was going to step up and now be uber daddy and grandpa extraordinaire? Who do they think did all the behind the scenes sh*t for the visits, cleaning, planning, gift shopping, etc.

They got their way and now they're regretting it. Wah! You're wise to let DH decide what to do in this situation.

ETexasMom's picture

I honestly think they expected me to beg to be a part of their family. I think they expected me to grovel and beg until they granted me the privilage of being in their "family". Totally ruined their plan when I removed myself from their game completely.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

DH and I haven't seen the gskids in five years, and they live less than six miles from us and have their own cell phones.

The day I called their mom out on her crappy, narcissistic behavior was the last time we saw them. We went from almost daily contact to nothing, curtesy of their controlling GU mom.

Any skid that thinks they can throw around ultimatums in order to control other adults had better be prepared to have their bluff called.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Similar issue here. DH has 3 grandkids and he can see them whenever he wants. I also was very close to them when they were born but SD used them as pawns in her games as well.

I don't see them much anymore. Occasionally they come to our house for a couple of days in the summer - we live at the beach.

DH is essentially lazy so he doesn't make enough effort in my opinion, but that is not my problem and I am not facilitating that relationship.

OP, the text message received is just a ploy to pull you back into the drama and games.

Stepdrama11's picture

Wow and similar issue here. DH has 4 GKs. After 10 years of get-togethers, his kids decided He needs to leave me, and no longer would participate in get-togethers if I am present. They both live far away, and he has not been to see them for over two years.

Before the drama started (precipitated by SS's new GF), I never cared if he went to see them without me. Then, after new GF arrived on the scene, DH went to visit, almost did not come home, and I gradually realized there were several knives being stuck in my back...

It took several years after that, some joint counseling (not nearly enough), and hard work to get to the point where he has my back, sort of.

You are very fortunate that your DH appears to have your back.

I do miss my (step)grandkids. It will be a few years before either of my kids is ready for children.

Miss T's picture

"Before the drama started (precipitated by SS's new GF), I never cared if he went to see them without me. Then, after new GF arrived on the scene, DH went to visit, almost did not come home, and I gradually realized there were several knives being stuck in my back... "

I am sorry that you're dealing with this, and sincerely hope you can find a solution. The situation interests me, because I see this as a potential future dynamic with my DH/SS, and would like to head it off before it becomes a reality. Besides the fact that I hate to be paranoid, but am, I wonder if you can expand on this and describe what exactly happened to alert you that it was happening. I'm thinking the early AM text was not the first clue.

Stepdrama11's picture

We would facetime regularly with SD and GS3, and after that trip I noticed that GS would start to act out whenever I was in frame. Other than that, nothing other than a general feeling of unease...DH not emotionally available, numerous calls, texts, and facetimes between DH and SD- I mean really constant and intrusively so...like that.

SD, new BF, and GS were then coming for a very long holiday stay, and I asked DH if they could please spend some of it at a hotel. We discussed the reasons (which I would rather not detail here). It ended with (I thought) my saying fine they can stay here, and my doing some planning to ensure my concerns would not be an issue. DH then called SD and said they could not come because I did not want them here. I was angry. I called SD to see what was going on, and she told me she told her father that he should leave me.

I then wrote her an email telling her that she was way out of line, and to stay out of my marriage, we did not need to have a relationship, I was perfectly capable of being cordial at get-togethers. This is the one thing I would change...i would not have sent that email...not because I did not mean any of it...other reasons...

SD then doubled down on trying to get her father to leave. And has been ever since. Honestly, I get sick to my stomach just thinking about the whole thing.

There is more, but that is the crux of it.
DH now hides, lies about, and is secretive about his (excessive) contact with her. I have been in relationships where men are having affairs, and that is exactly what this feels like. Except that in this case the only way for me to really get out from under this is to throw away a relationship that is actually good except for this one glaring zit.

Stepdrama11's picture

Yes...I have learned a lot since then about this strategy of:
Never apologize
Double down
SM is mean to poor SD or SS
Accuse SM of everything you are in fact doing
Nobody is allowed to tell Princess or Prince that their behavior is unacceptable
Daddy will save you
Raise your kids to ensure the dysfunction will continue in future generations
If necessary, drive away Daddy's women - don't worry, everyone will make sure it is all daddy's woman's fault.

ItsGrowingOld's picture

I wonder if your SD is in search of some type of resource(s) from Daddy and using the kid as a pawn? These types of people are despicable in my book. This kid will grow up to be just like her and continue the vicious cycle.

It's a good thing you are disengaged. Once you have grandkids of your own this will bother you less.

Stepdrama11's picture

I believe he is helping support her, since after having second entrapment baby she decided not to go back to work and live off child support from first entrapment baby daddy, second daddy, and her daddy.

Pokeyketchum's picture

I think is normal for skids to expect everyone to welcome them back after bad behavior, with not a word said, because their father's generally do for so many years. The skids have been conditioned for this cycle, on many levels. So it is unusual when a SP stops it, Or a father does because it IS so unusual...

Stepdrama11's picture

This kid could shoot someone and her daddy would say it's ok, and be angry with anyone who said anything differently.

CANYOUHELP's picture

I know Stepdrama 11, absolutely--I live with the same kind of man...hence, the blindness resulted in absolutely the only thing that works for me and my daughter...disengagement.

My husband has paid the price (his so-called kids are very lazy, proud they did little in school, smoking weed constantly and jealous of everybody who is anybody); honestly, I think they do not even like him all that much..just want his money. I have been told this a number of times by people who do not know me or our situation.

With my total disengagement, I believe he is finally seeing the big picture...he would never admit it to me though.

CANYOUHELP's picture

I know Stepdrama 11, absolutely--I live with the same kind of man...hence, the blindness resulted in absolutely the only thing that works for me and my daughter...disengagement.

My husband has paid the price (his so-called kids are very lazy, proud they did little in school, smoking weed constantly and jealous of everybody who is anybody); honestly, I think they do not even like him all that much..just want his money. I have been told this a number of times by people who do not know me or our situation.

With my total disengagement, I believe he is finally seeing the big picture...he would never admit it to me though.