You are here

Stepkids changed our Christmas plans

ETexasMom's picture

DH and I agreed that the we would always keep Christmas Day open for the kids. They could come and go as they want but they are supposed to come on Christmas Day. His kids never come. Their dad isn't important enough to come on Christmas day. 

This year we decided to do a dinner because my sister is going through a divorce and having a hard time with her adult kids. Everyone is coming for dinner and have known for weeks. Only OSD responded she was coming. Then Friday DH announces that SS and OSGD is coming on Monday night and spending the night and part of Christmas Eve. I'm pissed! We had an agreement the kids would come Christmas Day only not pick and chose their days. 

Christmas Eve was supposed to be my day to clean and relax. I have to work Monday and on top of that I'm on call till 8:30 Christmas Eve which means I could get called out and spend most the night working. I reminded DH of this and that if SS and SGD were over I won't be able to sleep or clean up since they seem to think I'm the babysitter while they hang out in the mancave. DH swears they will watch SGD. Dh gets really pissy when I keep reminding him we said only Christmas Eve. 

Then today on Facebook MSD casually mentions that her, her husband, and 2 kids are now also coming on Christmas Eve. So the stepkids have basically decided to skip the family dinner and make sure they come over when they want instead of during our plans. I'm pissed! I told DH this was ridiculous! I was not going to have time to have the house ready for company by Tuesday. The last two nights I have been on call and got called out the majority of the night. I also do not want to do two holiday meals. I flat out told DH I was not cooking or cleaning for his kids on Christmas Eve. 

DH is now all butt hurting trying to say he didn't go back on our agreement of Christmas Day only. He said "we're not changing our plans just because they are coming over the day before" and "I told them we're not even opening presents they can take them home". So basically his kids are coming for a gift grab and instead of getting a day off to relax I'll be stuck having them over and entertaining them and attempting to clean house and cook after they leave for the 20 people coming the next day. Oh and he has no idea what time they are coming over. 

I'm so over Christmas!!!! 

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

DH can do the cleaning and hosting.

They made all these plans. You didn’t not and did not agree to them either.

Id sit on my rear with a glass of wine and relax as I intended...

just saying it's picture

yes I would totally greet them from the sofa with a glass of wine... and let DH handle the rest... plus the cleaning after...

sandye21's picture

It is not your responsibility to do all of the work.  They are his kids.  There is absolutely no reason why he can't prepare for them, feed them and clean up after them,  I agree with Twelve.  Grab a glass of wine, sit back a watch the show.  Be too busy with preparing for upcoming Christmas day celebration to babysit.  If needed, say you had a call, leave the house, visit a friend and come back when everyone is fed and DH has cleaned up after them.

I used to clean and prepare everything for SD and her husband before Christmas, cook and clean up after them, take their abuse, put up with their cheapness, while DH sat on his a$$ and 'entertained'.  It was never appreciated.  This would never happen today.

lieutenant_dad's picture

If you can't have Christmas Eve to yourself, then I'd take Christmas Day. Let him pull it all together, start to finish. 

Kes's picture

I agree with the previous comments.  If they want to come, fine, but you are not lifting a finger, DH can do everything. 

shamds's picture

to plan a family lunch/dinner bbq at our home during the time i am on a breastfeeding marathon with my newborn. Did he care about that? No!! He had the nerve to say his sister was catering? 

So now our 2 young kids can’t sleep because family will be over till midnight. Hubby claimed he would clean the house. I called bs on that. His useless son doesn’t tidy up. Hubby decides to leave our home 6-7 hours prior to the event because of a last minute meeting then go shopping for exotic fruits about 1.5 hours away and another 2hrs drive back.

sil comes over early, i let her in and went upstairs to my room to shower with the kids as it was a hot day and promptly relaxed.

i figured i should never ever have been put in this situation of having a newborn, 1.5 yr old and be expected to clean a home like a mad woman at the expense of breastfeeding a newborn and spending time with my kids.

it was 8.30pm, had been breastfeeding non stop about 3-4 hrs at that point. Hubby comes in our bedroom that his family were here and to greet them. I said no i was busy breastfeeding our son who was finally comfy and falling asleep. He actually wanted to pry my newborn from my boob. I politely told my husband to “get stuffed” and that i was busy. 

I did come out maybe an hour later just to say hi but i had no mood to eat.

people finally left at midnight, hubby was told to clean the house spick and span gleaming sparkling clean. That evening my sil and a niece cleaned the dishes to help piut (god bless these lovely ladies), hubbys brother and his family left the next morning with no breakfast

oh i forgot to say that hubby agreed to his brother and 4 adult kids and wife staying in our home overnight and i told him “great you making breakfast?” And he says “no i am!!” I laughed so hard and said no thats my prime time to pump breastmilk so i guess you are making breakfast.

thats the moment i went real hardass commando on my then arsehole husband. He has come a long way since then and we still have a long way to go...

Another poster here RAGS always says we are equity life partners, hubby and wife discuss with you first. Not make prior executive decisions and hope you agree to it or don’t give you a choice. Marriage and relationships aren’t dictatorships, if hubby wants an executive dictatorship then he can be single!!

Rags's picture

Type up the chore list and the menu for Christmas and fill out a card to DH, his childrne and their kids telling them that all of the cleaning, baking and side dish preparation needs tb be done by 6:00PM.

Make sure to thank them for getting it all done for the get together on the 25th and for taking over since you are on call until 8:30 the night of the 24th. Then book a room at the nicest hotel/spa in town for the 24th.

Make sure that DH understands that since he interfered with your ability to prepare, it is now on him to prepare.
Enjoy your Christmas Eve spa experience.

SacrificialLamb's picture

I would tell them all "have a nice visit; I have a lot to do to get ready for tomorrow" and then stick to your original plans.  If your DH balks give him a list of restaurants that will be serving Christmas Eve dinner. 

2nd wives club's picture

Stick to your plan of not cooking/cleaning on Christmas Eve. The world isn't going to end if skids don't have a special meal and they'll deal with a messy house. They should've RSVP'd.