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Hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot

ETexasMom's picture

I broke disengagement! Just long enough to message the steps and ask if they were coming over next weekend for DH's birthday. It's hard to plan if you don't know how many people are coming! 

SS immediately answered saying he was coming which he had already mentioned he was. Of course none of the SDs have answered yet. I'm hoping they have outgrown the trying to make different plans if they know we are planning something. 

CANYOUHELP's picture

Hi ETexas,

Do you WANT to be disengaged or not?  That is the question... If you decide you want to be away from all of the ilness, you will never question yourself again---because, you will refuse to interact at all in pursuit of your peace. You gained nothing by texting SD's, maybe you should text just SS next time; at least he was respectful enough to answer you.  If SD's do not respond to your kind questions (you were just reaching out to them), never-ever text/call them again. Block the b's  completely from attempting to contact you and throw in the big ugly step monster towel. You tried and they sent you the message again that you did not matter to them: they do not care if you are nice to them or not. Be nice to those who are nice to you, but intentionally ignore those who treat you like you do not matter. Peace to self, that is the only thing that matters.

CANYOUHELP's picture

I knew it was the end when I texted mine (and I had plenty of reasons to never reach out again, long before that), and received zero response.  I had texted some question like yours, and I certainly did not have to include them--wanted to for my husband, you know.  That was it, that was the end for me (it had been coming though for years); that was the end of any little bit of respect I could muster up for them: and, at that point I told myself I will never-ever try again, and, even my marriage is not worth being treated like the family dog crap.

They are intentionally sending you a message and you know that; they are not too busy to text you back a couple of words.  If they show up (after going silent), have only enough food (no left overs either), for the SS (who responded) and you and your husband; you planned according to the responses you received..that might be enjoyable.

sammigirl's picture

I do group texts.  They know it is "group texting", because I ear mark the texts as such.  I never correspond with SD57 or SGD34 (mother/daughter).  They have been blocked from all of my social media for almost 8 years.  

My DH, their Dad/Grandfather, was hospitalized and in serious condition twice in the last year.  I group texted everyone, OSS, SD, YSS, and grown step-grandkids the same message, and shut the phone off.  Everyone had all the information (hospital number) needed to check on DH's condition and no need to reply or contact me. 

I wouldn't invite either my SD nor my SGD and their immediate families to a social event.  I would never respond to a text from them, nor will I ever correspond with them personally. 

I'm sorry you were treated with disrespect; but I don't believe it will ever change.  Just move forward and do not let them interfere with your plans. 


Rags's picture

Drama whores are unfixable.  My BIL1 is one of them.  My FIL has been on death's door for about 10 years. Every time my phone rings with an area code from SpermLand I am expecting THE call since I am the one who gets the bad news calls and has to tell my DW.

Most recently this past Fall my FIL wrote a letter to all of his kids and asked my DW to set up a dinner between she and all three of her younger (half) siblings to read and discuss the letter.  They all showed up as discussed ... except for BIL1 who got his boxers in a bunch about never being talked to directly regarding family business.  So while DW and the other two were at the restaurant BIL1 ran to my MIL and FIL's house to confront FIL.  That damned near killed the guy.  Stress and getting upset could easily be fatal to FIL.  But... drama queen BIL1 can't feel like he is being maligned so he doesn't use his head and creates a ton of tension with his crap.

SacrificialLamb's picture

DH can invite his kids to his bday if he wants. Ask him a few days before if he has any additions to the count. Don't bother messaging people who are a waste of your time. If you have too much food, it goes in the freezer like normal.


hereiam's picture

You tried. There are many forms of disengagement, I wouldn't exactly say you re-engaged or failed at disengagement. You needed a head count and asked a question, I get it.

But, since the SDs are so rude and inconsiderate, have your DH ask them next time. If they don't answer him, they don't need to be invited, anymore.

ETexasMom's picture

One reason I do it is because I know if I don't we'll hear the "no one invited me to my dad's birthday dinner" sob story. I also included DH in the group message to avoid them being hateful or rude. 

I did finally get a response MSD excuse for not coming is her husband is working and she is going to "help" her SIL with her new baby who's 6 months old. LOL