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My Husband is Getting Married!!

ownedbypedro's picture my soon to be ex husband calls me today to "see how the divorce is going on my end." Weirdo.


ME: No, I do NOT, they should be in your metal file box.

HIM: Well...ummmmm...I threw all that stuff away a few years ago.

ME: Something like divorce papers - you should keep those forever.

HIM: Yeah...I guess...I didn't know that.

ME: Why do you need those.

HIM: I'm not sure I should tell you.

ME: SILENCE...waiting...because I KNOW he will tell me anyway.

HIM: Well I met this lady about three months ago

and the long and the short of it, my step mama friends, is that he is counting the minutes till our divorce is final so he can marry her. Geesh, I had given him about a YEAR before he took on wife number five.

So...I did what any good wife would do (LOL LOL LOL)...I wished him the best and told him that it was NOT my intention to EVER mind his business but to proceed carefully and watch his back. Then I told him (and it's the truth, I swear) that I will always have his back.

Verrrrrrrryyyyyy interesting to say the least. Poor wife #5 - she doesn't know what she is getting into with that PUKE skid #2 and his nastyyyyyy, gold digging wife and their three out of control spawn (the oldest one, now 13, at age 11 jumped from a sofa and WENT THROUGH a glass coffee table - lucky he wasn't killed. His reaction: "I'm a bad boy.")

Just getting this off my chest. While I'm not upset as in OMG, I've lost my husband to another woman because I lost him EONS ago - I do feel a little like I've had the wind knocked out of me. Shouldn't be surprised though. His third divorce was final in May of 1985 and he married ME in April of 1968.

And so it goes.

ownedbypedro's picture

Well, I guess that will be his problem. Smile I did have to sign (he had to sign one too) some paper stating something like "I hereby acknowledge that I remove all barriers to my spouse's possible future remarriage"...or something like that. My lawyer said it's an old Jewish law thing - and New York is one of very few states that require it anymore.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

How long do you give this new soon to be wife?

My ex-husband was married for 2 years to his first wife. She cheated on him and his kid turned out not to be his kid. He married me and we made it for 10 years, 5 or 6 which were good. He wound up cheating on me, and since I was not in love with him, I was not as devastated as I could have been. We had an easy divorce, no kids or property. He is now remarried (he remarried QUICKLY) and she is mentally ill. Even her father said she needs help, not a husband. He is in for a life of sadness, and I think she is dangerous or can be. I don't hate him, I hate what he did to me, but when I heard all of this, I also felt kind of like the wind was knocked out of me. Divorce really stinks, even though it was the best thing I ever did. There has not been one day that I have missed him. And I got incredibly luckily with with my DH (except these evil skids).

I think you are so lucky to be free!

ownedbypedro's picture

hmmmmm...I don't know. His first marriage to bm (the only one that's a bm, thank God and Congress!) lasted 5 years. The second a third - a couple of years each. Of course to hear HIM tell it, none of the divorces were his fault - they all cheated on him, blah blah blah.

The cheating part I believe but I do believe I also understand WHY they did it.

I got the hell out after 21 years - we've been married 26 years, just not living together the last 5 years.

I used to think this was terrible - apparently one time sm #1 (dh's second wife) hit skid #2 in the head with the receiver of a telephone. hindsight...I know she didn't hit him hard enough and she probably had one HELL of a good reason for doing it.

I'm taking my maiden name back, by the way. I hadn't considered it until today but I am NOT keen on being part of the "Five Mrs. Murphys." (no worries - not the real last name). My kids are old enough (27 and 24)that they don't need mommy to have the same last name that they have.

I don't miss dh either. Worry about him? Yes. Feel incredibly SORRY for him? Yes. Miss him? NO.

You are right - divorce stinks, even when it's the right thing. Believe me, not a day goes by that I don't count my blessings that I'm free from that freak circus he calls a family (excluding my children, of course - they can't stand "skid 2 and his clan" or the way dh coddles them either).

dontcallmestepmom's picture

That is a long marriage-are YOU doing ok?

It does sound like you escaped a mess. It will probably never change with his kids, either. The reason I am surviving with the skids is bc I do not have to deal with them most days. The only issue is when they intrude-texts or emails demanding money or "pity me" messages. They never call to say hello and DH has never received a birthday or any other kind of card. And DH still has hope they will change. He puts me first though, they cannot even visit ,if he has to be hospitalized, without my consent. I feel bad for him, but he is so good to me. I just never realized how horrible steps can be, even as adults.

ownedbypedro's picture

I am doing well, thank you for asking. You are right, it will NEVER change with his kids. I told dh when skid #2 was 20 that if he didn't change things, he would still be paying the kid's bills when the kid was 40...and guess what...skid is 38 and daddy pays the bills.

In terms of how I feel about my marriage being over - yes, I am okay. It is sad, yes, but at the same time, it is the best thing I've ever done (except for my children). That being said...

I never want to be the poster child for "leave your husband and life will be wonderful." It is hard in many ways. It is not some "glamorous new life" and I do not recommend it lightly. I mow my own lawn, shovel my own snow, wash my own car, pay my own bills, etc. When it comes to maintaining and repairing things around the house, I have to either pay someone to do what I can't or let it go because I can't afford to pay someone.

I have to think twice about every single purchase - even necessities - and ask myself "do I need this", is there a less expensive alternative", etc. My vacations consist of camping in a tent on property owned by some friends but there are always great and interesting people there and we always have a wonderful time. "Out to dinner" means meeting a friend for a free concert in the park and getting an ice cream cone. But...again...the BEST!

My household income dropped by more than 90% when I moved out. I have managed to more than double my income since then, through raises and promotions and a couple of secondary income streams but it is still challenging. For a few months I worked two jobs (one full time, one part time) and took three college classes all at the same time and truly thought I would lose my mind I got so tired. is worth it. You can't have it both ways and I know that. I am thankful for what I have and what I have accomplished. I know that EVERY. SINGLE. THING. that I have, I have worked hard for and earned. I have peace and quiet, tranquility, peace of mind. I HAVE GONE FROM A SIZE 14 TO A SIZE 6!! Smile What I didn't realize before is that I was eating ALL the damn time because I was so stressed and unhappy with my life.

You can't put a dollar amount on peace of mind, self respect, sanity, etc.

Wow, you asked a simple question. I could have just said "yeah...thanks..." Smile

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Well, another bites the dust as they say. I do indeed pity the next SM to be. She is in for a huge surprise. I do hope you are OK OwnedbyPedro, it was a long marriage. You sound like you are doing well, stay focused. You did the right thing.

ownedbypedro's picture

Thank you, I am good. It's not all wonderful but truly - at the end of the day - I'm good.

I would like to think he has learned something but I just don't see that happening. I will be VERY surprised if he puts the NEEDS of his next marriage before the WANTS and the coddling of his 38 year old son (and the son's wife and their three kids).

Then again, that isn't any of my business and I don't intend to make it my business. One thing we have both (dh and I) done well since the divorce is in the works is to mind our own business and keep our kids (dd 27 and ds 24) out of the middle of it. I only speak respectfully of their father to them and he does the same of me - so give him credit for that.

ownedbypedro's picture

That is a perfectly reasonable question. I was "young and in love" as they say and couldn't see the forest for the trees. Simple as that.