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I get SO ANNOYED when she tries to control us

Biostep7777's picture

So SS15 wanted to do marching band this fall. DH and HCBM agreed and signed him up (they have joint legal and physical custody) Then SS decides he wants to do baseball on top of it. DH said no because he would miss almost every single game because of marching band competitions (except for two all season) and DH said that's shitty to do to the team if he can't commit to making the games. HCBM said SS gets to do whatever he wants and signs him up anyway. (Contempt number 25/26) 

So she messages DH today and says "will you take SS to his game next weekend? He really wants to go and marching band will be over so he has a free weekend. I can take him if you won't" 

First, WHAT DOES SHE MEAN HE HAS A FREE WEEKEND!!??? Who does she think she is to dictate if he is free on our weekend with them??? As a matter of fact he is NOT free! We already bought tickets to a festival they said they want to go to.  And second, DH never agreed to him doing baseball!!!

I have been able past a lot of things but this whole wanting to control our weekends and if we don't abide by her every demand she tells the kids that dad doesn't support them has been very difficult for me to get past. I can.not stand when she tries to control MY HOME!!!

tog redux's picture

This is typical parental alienation stuff. BM here did it too. It's not about trying to "control your weekend", it's about trying to keep SS away from you guys as much as possible, so he doesn't develop a good relationship with you and DH. If he's at a baseball game, she can be there, too, reminding him who is the "good parent". As a bonus, she can force interaction with DH, too. 

Biostep7777's picture

Yep! You are right. The problem is that she involved the kids and we deal with bad attitudes and the kids believe DH doesn't support them so it hurts his relationship with them anyway. She refuses to allow therapy too. DH told SS that he didn't agree with him committing to a team and not showing up, that he has to think about other people and SS is selfish and self centered just like their mother so he's all pissy throwing a fit at 15 because he thinks he should get whatever he wants regardless of other people. He does not give a crap about anyone but himself. DH is trying to teach him that but it's a downhill battle. 

tog redux's picture

Why would she agree to therapy when her plan is working as intended? It's all about making the kids hate him and love her best.

MountainMom's picture

BM tries to control everything over here too and she lives across the country. We have started a new saying which really seems to piss her off: sorry, but we can't accommodate your request, we have plans. 

She always wants a further explanation but you don't need to give her one. It's your time and that's the way it is.

Biostep7777's picture

I like it!! She will say "it's SS's request! This is what HE wants to do. I'm just supporting him" 

justmakingthebest's picture

Ah, yes... the old "your father doesn't support you" line. 

It sucks and once they start hearing that record over and over they do start to believe it. Not what is actually happening, like dad didn't agree to baseball for a legitimate reason or that you already had plans and weren't made aware of the game in advance..


tog redux's picture

Yep, damned if you do and damned if you don't.  Take him to the game, and you lose time with him and give BM more alienation time; don't take him and she tells him his father "doesn't support" him.

Biostep, you can't win, so just do what's best for your family. 

Thumper's picture

We had years of this too. I do mean YEARS

Lawyer would say, document document, document and when we have enough we will blah blah blah

Honestly we didn't know any better. We trusted the family court system. Lawyers NEVER heard of anything like this before......(we know that is not true now)

BM had the skids signed up for everything, year round starting at age 4 years old through- Elem school.

  So, when it was dh's time for visitation it was ALWAYS a huge problem.  We lived several hours away because dh was military.  It is not like dh could move.  SHE knew it too.

DH finally told BM to pound sand after she was screaming at the top of her lungs one Friday "YOU BETTER TAKE THE CHILLLL DRENNNNN TO THEIR PRACTICE"

It was then, she started having the skids call 'we want to stay home to playyyyy this weekend"

*this was around the same time bm told DH to go play some Picasso music"