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Anyone thinking of court??? Please read…..

Biostep7777's picture

Let me tell you how our system works. My husband's ex wife is the most abusive person I have ever met. She has done unthinkable cruel things to DH. 

Sadistic sick things. Once he got away from her he recognized it. He completely broke down realizing what has happened to him. 

After this, he decided he wanted more time with his kids because he felt her influence on them is hurting them. BAD IDEA.
Once this happened, her abuse got even worse. Nobody cares about it because it's not physical, he's a man, it's emotional, it doesn't matter. He has been going to therapy for years over this. She has pushed him to the brink of a nervous breakdown. (I consider myself very mentally healthy and the things she has done havd brought even me to my knees)  My husband also has autism. He has had to go through a tremendous amount of crap these last 5 years. We have had the best of times and we have had very dark times on the mist of all of this. So, he disclosed his autism diagnosis to maybe get their son tested (who shows traits too) she refused. 

Well guess what?? Apparently this opens the door to ALL OF HIS MEDICAL RECORDS. 

So guess who is getting her hands on everything we have ever talked about in therapy? Yes. HCBM. The judge signed the order.  It's happened. I don't know how the hell im not protected but I'm not. She's probably reading through it all now. It's because we said it's family therapy, and not marital. 

So, a person severely abuses someone, they go to therapy to heal, they are getting better but sure there are days that are not so good in the process especially when you are still being severely abused and someone is using your kids to do it, you have a hard time because your mental health has suffered from years of sadistic mental abuse, you disclose that you have a diagnosis to try and help your son which "opens the door" to getting your records and then you are ordered by the judge to give your notes, treatment and everything you and your wife have ever talked about TO YOUR  ABUSER so the abuser can abuse you more with the new and exciting information they have about you and not only you, your wife too. 

Yes, you heard that all correct. It's absolutely sick. 

Please just one request. Don't tell me to leave. I love my husband and my kids are very happy and healthy in our home. We shield them from this as much as we can. They have gone through a lot and very happy and settled in our home. I am back in school and my husband is supporting me. I do not want to leave my loving husband and hurt my kids, have to quit school because of an insane person 

I am completely broken though. This is going to be so bad. Moral of the story? Don't go to a therapist if you were abused because the courts will give that information to your abuser to use against you in court. 

CastleJJ's picture

I'm not going to tell you to leave because this isnt a marriage issue, but I am going to tell you to drop rope because you have a major HCBM issue. These skids are not worth it, especially since they are teenagers. It won't help if you guys are emotionally and mentally gutted when they become adults; you guys will have nothing left to give them. You guys need to save yourselves and cut BM off 100%, even if that means losing skids. Your HCBM will stop at nothing.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Do you know how many notes the therapist actually took? I used to see a psychiatrist who took very few notes in long hand on legal pads. Part of the reason she did it was so if anyone ever saw the notes they probably couldn't read them. It is probably too late now - but have you considered using your own lawyer to stop this? What is happening to you is so wrong.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I agree with Castle - I don't see how you move forward with this fight.

Biostep7777's picture

I understand what you all are saying but I have kids. I would go to the absolute ends of the earth to fight for them. I can't expect my husband to do any different. 
Yes my own attorney is trying to fight it but her attorney is saying I have no "privacy rights" in this because it's technically my husband's therapy notes that I'm in but the therapist has treated both of us. 
I have seen all the notes. There is nothing so bad that I'm worried about how it will look in court. But, ther are intimidate details of my life and my husband and my marriage. Even one note states I don't know if I can continue the marriage because of all the drama. However, I was just upset and venting. I didn't mean it. But yeah, now we will look "unstable" or something. She will take any little nugget and spin her web of lies and then compile it with all of her other lies that had a teeny morsel of truth and create her masterpiece to make us look like crazy, unstable people. 

I am not sure the proper way someone should act when they are constantly being criticized, constantly worrying about what she's going to do/say next, constantly having allegations on them. Apparently the wrong answer is to go to a therapist and talk about it. This is completely insane to me. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Lt Dad siggested having your lawyer redact anything that applies to you. You guys should try to do that, and leave all the things that discuss how awful BM is. Maybe it will actually help you.

Also, I agree about mental health and/or substance abuse treatment. I know of people who won't get help because it could actually harm them. Child custody is one area and having a professional license is another. My state board makes you disclose every time you renew your license whether you have sought treatment for a mental health or substance abuse problem. You then have to provide all kinds of documentation, jump through lots of hoops, give them your records, amd submit to their independent testing. If you don't seek help, you don't have to go through all that. Mental health stigma in our society sucks bad. 

Biostep7777's picture

We can't. The judge signed off on it that they get all of his therapist notes. HCBM's attorney had the judge sign the subpoena. They go straight to her attorney from the therapist. So, because I was in the therapist office with him apparently I don't have any rights to my own privacy.  Again, there's nothing in there that's going to hurt our case in general BUT she will take the notes and attach it so some other claim she's made in the past that was bullshit and say "see....I told you" 

by the way,... yes. YES we are breaking down. We have a complete narcissist psychopath trying to destroy our lives. I guess that's not supposed to hurt our mental health??? Yes. We are a MESS. She is relentless. She never ever stops saying awful things about us every chance she gets. Nobody AT ALL will help us. We just have to put up with it. Yes. Our mental health is suffering because of it. I guess we shouldn't have custody of the kids because we are being harassed and abused by a very sick person and it's hurting our mental health. How is this actually real life? 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Any chance the therapist would help? Would they fight the subpoena on your behalf? Or at least refuse to release anything having to do with you? This whole thing makes me so upset for you!

Biostep7777's picture

Nope. The therapist is ordered by the judge to produce everything. Apparently according to her attorney I'm not a 3rd party so I have no rights. I'm not part of this litigation. How am I not a 3rd party? 

CajunMom's picture

It's one thing to fight for your kids (your DH) but when you  bring innocent people into your fight (you), then it becomes something different. Another thing...your SKs are already "fighting" both you and your DH so don't expect anything to go well, even if you were to "win." When dealing with a HCBM of this depth, you will never win. Ask me hjow I know. 

I don't understand why your DH continues this battle. 

Mominit's picture

And I know it's easier said than done, but since this is a fact and it's happening, you have to tell yourself, train yourself and BELIEVE that....YOU DON"T CARE!

You can't give a d@mn what that crazy person thinks.  So she knows you and your husband fight, that just means that you care so much about each other and your marriage that you're willing to be brutally honest in an arguement, and then go to therapy to ensure that you're fighting the best, healthiest way possible.  That you're willing to fight for a man she never saw the value in.  That he's willing to do anything to stand by you, and be part of your marriage.

I think it's quite telling that you are willing to stand by his right to be a parent, that you aren't "dropping the rope" becuase you think it's worth the fight for him to have his children in his life.  

So yes it sucks that your life is an open book to BM, but she only has the past.  She doesn't have any future notes.  She doesn't have your DH.  She doesn't have your future with him.  And honestly, who cares what the opinion of that damaged, abusive crazy individual is anyway!  You could be perfection on paper and she'd never stop trying to abuse you and your husband.  So the next time she whips out a snarky comment, treat her like the crazy person behind you in line at Walmart.  Her opinion of anything means nothing.  You don't give a rats pootootie what she thinks because that crazy person is damaged!

You know who you are, who your husband is, and who that crazy person is.  Hold your head high and ignore her.  It comes easier with practice.

ESMOD's picture

This is really frustrating.  It's really too bad your lawyer wasn't more proactive in objecting to the request because it was NOT family counseling since the skids were not allowed to participate.

I have not been personal party to family court, but in legal proceedings I have been part of, if we are asked a question in discovery, legal can object to it and can state the reason.. can also object to the full request and say that in the interest of being cooperative.. they will provide this "instead".

But, it sounds like your lawyer is not inclined or able to do that for some reason.. 

Thumper's picture

I am so sorry. You must be sickened by this. 

Some times you must let go, to hang on. DROP the case. 

Who filed this case, DH or bm?




CLove's picture

of BM.

Well, fight this any way you can. Im so sorry this is happening. We have a very toxic high conflict BM who re-writes everything to her advantage and our disadvantage, especially trash talking me as a horrible abusive person and her as mother of the year. 

Very sad that your DH pro-created with such a person. It is what it is.

Ispofacto's picture


HIPAA requires that the subpoena and/or court order specifically state that the request is for psychotherapy notes, and requires that the patient complete a separate authorization form. For further information: General information on HIPAA and Psychotherapy Notes.



NO.  Don't sign the release.  Call the therapist.  Tell her you do not consent.  If you're not satisfied with that, call the therapist's boss, or the medical board.  Send a certified letter, or have your lawyer send one.

Satan wasn't even able to subpeona Killjoy's therapy notes, the therapist refused to comply and there was nothing Satan or the Judge could do about it.

In order for DH to get Satan's SSDI reason, Satan was compelled to sign a release.  They couldn't send the records otherwise.  The only reason the judge ordered the records was because she's insane and a possible danger to children.  The order compelling her to sign the release of her SSDI records specified that only her lawyer received a hard copy of the records.  The records were then read aloud in chambers with the judge, the GAL, and the two attorneys only. 

You are not a party to their divorce, so the judge cannot compel you to sign a release.