Nursejulee's picture

It has been almost a year since I talked to my two step daughters. They were rude and toxic and I'm just not going to put up with it. They aren't allowed in our home. This all started because I stood up for my husband. Well guess what? I was then the bad guy and they aren't mad at him. They are mad at me. He has not bothered to talk to them about how they acted. Yes they are in their 20's now but he could have said something. I regret taking up for him. This is taking a toll on our marriage and I know it's only going to be worse. I am a little sad all of this happened but mostly I just feel peace. If I had known this step parent king thing was going to be like this, I would never have married him. 18 years of hell! 

Doodlemadmummy's picture

Yup, I've had 20 years of shit.  My partner has two daughters in their forties who have been hellish.  He has seemingly sided with them, even syphoning off our joint money over three years and giving it to them without my knowledge.  They have treated me extremelly poorly and he has never pulled them up on it.  They are not allowed in this house.  This is my sanctuary and over my dead body will they step in here.  My life now is literally a damage limitation exercise.  We have separate bedrooms, separate hobbies and just live parallel lives.  I have lost all respect for the man I once loved as he does not respect himself to be treated the way they treat him.  Moreover I disrespect him as he has never been man enough to stand up to them over the way they have treated me.  We have had dreadful arguments, fights, slanging matches and everything in between.  All thanks to two indulged princesses who think they are still their father's "children" rather than his daughters. They are nothing but a cancer that eats away at our relationship.  They go into remission just to return stronger.  I  wish I could feel peace as you do.  

Nursejulee's picture

Wow! I totally relate. I'm so sorry. I have put up with this for 18 years. I'm really depressed by all of it. 

Maxwell09's picture

Yep. I see a lot here about how stepmoms shouldn't care for the stepkids more than their bios but it also applies for our spouses when it comes to how the skids treat them. If they allow the skids to treat them like crap, we just have to let them deal with it because the second we step in to defend them then the anger shifts over to us picking on their babies...anything to get the attention off their own bad behavior.

Nursejulee's picture

It hasn't actually affected my marriage..just a little. My biggest regret is taking up for him. I'm still in disbelief how they talked to me the way they did. I'm just done. Saddest thing is my husband has never even talked to them about this situation. It's been a year. He should have done it at the beginning. It's now too late. 

Nursejulee's picture

I will NEVER take up for him again. 

MissTexas's picture

not address the real issue and do not do the same for you. I've decided the definition of disappointment is: When someone refuses to behave the way we would, or we think they should in a given scenario or situation.

Something similar happened to me/us. SD was asked not to come to our home that day, and she did anyway. When we went to address that defiant behavior, peacefully, she came at both of us with both barrels for almost a solid hour, while he stood silently and did NOTHING, which showed her exactly who is in charge around here, and of our marriage. Later he told me how proud he was at the way I handled things, and how appalled he was at her berzerk behavior. I turned to him and said, "You really need to be telling your daughter how you feel about her coming unhinged. I was raised with manners and have a psyche background. She's very fortunate that I'm a solution focused person. Many would've just decked her or even worse shot her." I refused to engage her or allow her to get a rise out of me. I never raised my voice, but stayed calm, cool and collected (while recording it all). I later filed a police report as I am afraid of her eratic behavior. DH said he has addressed it, but I seriously doubt it because he's afraid of her and she has always run his show, always. He says because he called her out on it she's not coming around and he made that happen. I said, "No. I filed a police report, with the understanding that if she sets foot on this place I am to call the sheriff as per the directive in the report. I MADE THAT HAPPEN, while you tried to let her weave her way back into our lives and spew her poison eratically. Not happening."

I took up for him too, and look where it got me. I have to say he was one lucky man. All of my friends used to tell me he is such a spoiled man because if I had lunch plans with a friend or a meeting, I would ALWAYS make sure he had lunch home cooked, and dessert prepared BEFORE I LEFT. He was living the dream until he let all the behind the scenes crap bubble up to the surface.

It kills your love and respect over time. If it were a one time "oops" it may be different, but the passive aggressiveness and all the other abuse is just really not acceptable.

CANYOUHELP's picture

The situation is hopeless with this kind of wimped out man. Any insult is supported by him; he is definitely not correcting even if HE is insulted. These men lack all parenting skills and empathy toward wife---related to adult brats. The only peace I can find is in staying away from it, never discussing it and not caring about it.

He is free to do as he pleases, but he better never involve me again; given his pathetic parenting skills he seems to think is okay. If I am ever forced to do another thing for them, our relationship is over too. Most wimp daddees do come realize that, eventually.