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Stopped buying Christmas Gifts for Step Adult Kids

thisshouldbefun's picture

For many years, I would buy Christmas gifts for my husbands two kids.  When I met them, they were in their late teens and I thought buying gifts for them from me would be a nice gesture.  Well, I was never thanked and I think it annoyed them anyway.  Later on as they got older throught their 20's and 30's, I bought gifts on behalf of my husband and myself (cause my husband forgets to do it) but still no thank you are any gift given to us.  Well, I am done, done, done.  I hope they are happy now that I do absolutely nothing for them.  Finally, mu husband agrees that I should be done with them.  I am not sure if anyone else has done this and if anyone even notices.  But my experience with adult step kids is that I should have never tried in the first place and I regret anything nice that I did for them.


Siemprematahari's picture

Glad that you stopped and realized that all your efforts were for nothing because they are ungrateful. You should have left all that for your H to do (regardless if he forgets or not). I doubt the adult step kids will even notice since they are so self absorbed. You did way too much for too long.

Enjoy your holidays and the extra money in your pocket.

sunshinex's picture

I wouldn't buy gifts for a CHILD that didn't say thank you, let alone an adult. Gifts aren't required just because it's a holiday and you're semi-family with someone. Gifts aren't required just because you're a kid, either. They're given out of LOVE, which means, if someone treats you like crap, they're not needed! 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your intentions were pure, but that gets you exactly nowhere with self absorbed, entitled skids.

Your H's adult kids likely know that you are the one choosing their gifts, which probably only adds to their resentment. Not only did daddee "abandon" them for you, but he can't even be bothered to shop for their gifts. This is why we should leave our partners to manage (or mismanage) their relationships with their kids.

Give them the best gift - the gift of absence, and see what happens when you stop chasing them.

thisshouldbefun's picture

Thanks all for your comments, they are all on the money.  Anyway, it's been 3 months from Christmas and now they are aksing my H if I am coming there for a vist, or what am I up to.  I guess the silence is getting to them.  But, I am standing firm and not doing anything for them or communicating anything to them.  Like I said, I am done.  To anyone out there with a Skid problem, disengaging is hard and scarey at first.  Anyone with normal emotions wants normal relationships.  But when that clearly won't happen after 26 years of marriage.  Stand firm and don't go back.  It gets easier over time.  The best thing to do is do it quietly, no tantrums, yelling or fighting.  At first, no one realizes that you have stopped, they get it over time and by the time they get it, it's too late and you are happily gone.

Rosie'smum's picture

Thank you, your words are encouraging, as I am finding myself in your original place so moving forward slowly. 

Kidless4aReason's picture

For YEARS I have been doing all the buying obo my DH... And I let the lack of thank yous; acknowledgement; and any form of reciprocity -- go for years. Now. For whatever reason. I am just DONE. The kids are all grown. They do little to nothing for me --  sometimes not even a text to thank me or wish me a happy birthday...  I've just always looked the other way.  I really have no idea why I let it go for so long, but no mas...  So. To your point. Congratulations on reaching that decision point. It's brave, and I'm next!

Best of luck!