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Braces, Contacts, and High School - oh my!

Trying to Stepmom's picture

More in the SD13 saga. I posted a few blogs ago about our lice bonding moment. Well, that’s what it was - a moment. I don’t think we barely spoke a word to each other when she was with us this last weekend. This is a novel and I’m not sure what I’m asking for with this post. Just some place to just let it all out.


SD has been talking non-stop about getting braces. She would mention it to DH like it was the newest thing that she had to have because “all my friends have braces.” Barf. 

BM actually followed through with something and made her an appointment with an ortho near their house. Most of the info DH was hearing was from SD. He assumed that if BM wanted anything paid for that she would have to contact him, because there was no way DH was going to be paying for the whole thing. 

The ortho office is not stupid and BM has provided them with a copy of the divorce decree. Their financial person deals with this kind of stuff all the time and DH agreed to what he had to pay. And he’s only responsible for his portion. He also gave SD an ultimatum that if she doesn’t take care of her teeth and braces that he’s done with them. We’ll see how that goes. SD had an appointment yesterday to get her spacers put in. DH said she doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into and she made it sound like it was going to be a piece of cake. Mind you, BM hasn’t really talked with her about the process. So this segues to the next part of the saga. 


SD wears one-a-day contacts and (surprise, surprise) didn’t think to bring any with her for her weekend with us (that was really BM’s weekend, btw). She also did not bring her glasses. So on Saturday I hear her say to DH “so what, am I supposed to just walk around blind?” DH just kind of shrugged his shoulders like “what am I supposed to do?” Not to mention, BM picked her up from the football game the night before and drove her back to our place; why didn’t she have BM bring her some? 

Yesterday DH was getting ready to head to SD’s ortho appointment and somehow talks with BM and/or SD (all this info was told to me by DH). SD told DH not to come to her appointment because BM was going to try and get him to give her $$ for new contacts. Then, BM apparently called the eye place and rattled off some story about DH’s insurance paying for the contacts. She was trying to use his insurance to get a discount on the contacts! Now, SD is covered by his insurance, but the joke is on BM, because the insurance doesn’t offer “discounts” on SD’s contacts. BM said to DH “so you pay this much each time you need to get the contacts?” Uh, duh!

High School

This is the biggest part here. DH has been trying to get SD to attend the high school where he works for years! And to be honest, it would benefit SD.  SD, for the most part has been on board, but like any kid (I’m assuming), waivered. Mainly for reasons like where her friends are going. She currently attends a private school so it’s likely that her friends won’t be all going to the same high school. 

Well, her 8th grade year isn’t shaping up the way she thought and as of last week, she was in a tiff with some of her friends. They were posting stuff online about SD talking bad about people. DH also knows that SD is not innocent and she admitted that there was evidence of her talking about people. 

So SD has told DH that she is attending high school where he works. BM is aware of this and apparently her and DH has a conversation about it. BM told him that it would better for SD to stay with him (us). Basically because she won’t be able to get SD to school on time. I also think she just hates driving to that side of town. 

I knew the day would come that SD would be living with us, but I’m still apprehensive, even though I have some time to prepare myself. 

The biggest thing that got my goat was the CS situation. I asked (well, told) DH that he wouldn’t be paying CS to BM once this happens and he said not right away! WTactualF?!?!?

At this point, I don’t even care if she ends up having to pay CS to him. I just don’t think this is something to wait on. He said some bs about SD thinking that everything is being taken away from BM or some bs like that. I just had to keep my mouth shut. But with one on the way and SD living with us more often than not in the next year or so, I’m not letting this one die. 


thinkthrice's picture

should DH be paying CS if he has custody.  I'd get that changed straight away!

lorlors's picture

Why would DH continue paying BM money if SD starts living with you guys? BM must be a wonderful ray of sunshine if DH wants to pay her for NOT having the kid. What a joke!

Trying to Stepmom's picture

BM is definitely not a ray of sunshine! And I’m a little surprised he’s not quicker to get CS changed considering how much of his money she blew through when they were together. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Does SD even need the braces? These kids are a piece of work. I remember back in my day we begged not to wear braces and here she is begging to get them because all her friends have them.....


Chmmy's picture

I know right things have changes. People wear braces throughout their whole childhood

Trying to Stepmom's picture

Would she eventually need them, yes. Does she need them right this minute, no. 

I didn’t get mine until sophomore year in high school and even then I had to have a baby tooth pulled! DH didn’t have braces until college. 

NoThanks's picture

The whole braces thing with kids now days annoys the shit out of me. If your teeth arent growing sideways out of your face, causing pain, impeding the your ability to eat or speak properly, then they’re not NEEDED. A few crooked teeth is not a good reason to spend thousands of dollars. Of course precious exSD had them by the age of 8. When I asked SO what was the issue the braces would address and was it cosmetic vs. functional, he got pissed and shut down the convo. Thousands spent on a mysterious ortho issue. Not, one visit to the PCP about her obesity issue cuz that would embarass her and hurt her feelies. Parhetic...

Chmmy's picture

What in the the actual F? DH wants to keep paying BM? What an idiot.

I work in an affluent town with children who get braces at a very young age like 7ish and then again in middle school and then retainers in high school and never ending ortho appts. These orthos have figured out how to keep people coming back.

hereiam's picture

What does he mean, "not right away"?

If custody changes, the CO needs to be changed to reflect that and DH pays no child support (and BM pays it). And it needs to be changed prior to SD coming to live with you, with a specific date, not months after the fact, leaving him on the hook for CS when she is not even living with BM.

HowLongIsForever's picture

^^^^ This OP

When they made the final adjustment to 50/50, BM over here delayed paperwork with her attorney for nearly 2 months after the actual date of change.  CS is considered due on the 1st of the month, no retroactive adjustments unless the delay is on the court, so after the court stamps received.

As annoying as it is that she was overpaid for two months, the time and money she spent to "pull it off" is hilarious to me even after all this time.  She came out of it with a significant net loss.

Definitely check the rules re: when CS is in effect, retroactive adjustments and refunds of overpayment.  Also, dont forget child support payments are not typically automatically adjusted with a parenting time adjustment - it is a completely separate motion in many jurisdictions.

Don't let DH drag it out.  The order needs to be updated re: proper documentation for school anyway, might as well do it all at once.

Siemprematahari's picture

Amazing how these BM's think they are entitled to still collect CS and the child is with their father. Now if he takes her for CS I'm sure she would have a fit and question why, meanwhile she'd take him in a heart beat ....

I'll never understand the entitlement.

thinkthrice's picture

on the part of these men who are "too proud" to accept CS from the "mother of their child(ren.)" (TM)  But have NO problem expecting SM to pay for their biological extrusions. 

ESMOD's picture

1.  Braces... ugh.. sounds like she wanted what the other kids had.  I think I remember putting staples on my teeth when I was a  But my teeth were straight enough and no ortho said I needed them.. and my parents weren't interested in pushing them so.. no braces.

2.  Contacts.. It is kind of a "no brainer" that when a child is on a medication or needs a medical device that there should be something available at both of the parent's homes.  So.. at your home.. either a pair or two of the dailies.. should be brought over...or she needs to have an old pair of glasses that she can use in a pinch.  no.. maybe not her most current prescription but would keep her from hitting walls.. lol.

3.  Insanity is your household having SD full time, but still paying same CS to BM.  This absolutely should be recalculated based on any new custody time set up.  Unless BM has been super nice to work with in the past and has done things like forgiven CS when your husband was short it (if that ever happened).. it's ridiculous for her to expect that he should still pay.  I mean, we are talking about NEXT year right.. not this year.  She will have plenty of time to figure out how to make ends meet when next school year arrives.

Trying to Stepmom's picture

Haha, yes! My friends and I used to unfold paper clips and pretend they were braces/retainers. 

For contacts, we did have some at our house but then we didn’t have SD for overnights as much during the summer and our supply was taken to BM’s by SD. She originally got the contacts to help when she played sports - why wouldn’t you want to wear sport goggles in middle school? DH also has purchased all of her glasses and contacts up until a couple months ago, since BM should be buying contacts as well. I think 13 is an old enough age to be responsible for glasses and such. I think it’s a learning lesson for SD because BM is quick to fix any mistakes SD makes ( like forgetting to bring or pack certain things).

Based on what DH has told me, it doesn’t sound like CS has been brought up when it comes to SD in high school. And BM, money, and forgiveness in the same sentence would never happen unless it was someone forgiving BM for not paying something.