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Vacation without grandson

Bethany's picture

A little background, my adult SD and her mother have banned me from ever speaking or being with step grandson. I also found messages he had sent to his grandmother saying he "had better end the ban at Christmas or else she won't buy me what I want". His grandmother wrote I am "selfish and evil". He is not allowed to say he likes me. I used to take him, by myself, on trips, but he would always go back and tell his grandma that i was "drunk" (after 2 Twisted Teas!) and make up all kinds of horrible things about me. 

DH wanted to bring him this time, but I said no. Why should I? He hates me and was told by his mother and grandmother to NEVER interact with me again. DH threw a fit because our friends brought their 2 grandkids who treated me so well. I told him he has not stood up for me and therefore step grandson was not invited. I get only 2 weeks off a year and I'll be damned if I have a 15 year old who is there to monitor me and report back to the ex! Further, he has treated me so disrepctfully, but DH is afraid of confrontation. 

 

DH is very upset, yet he cannot see his own actions as contributing to this. 

Thoughts? 

 

 

Harry's picture

He has his head in the sand wanting to not see what happing.  He wants the happy family.  But is not standing up yo his EX and his DD to get what he wants,  he taking what he thinks is the easy path you.  

I agree with you,  I Would not want to wast my vacation time with a kid who does not like or respect you.  Who thinks of you as an ATM.  It’s ok for him not to like you, you then have the right to disengage with that kid.  What means no vacation with that kid. No Christmas gifts, birthday gifts,  just Tell  him you are giving to the homeless who appreciate it’s more then him .

notarelative's picture

 my adult SD and her mother have banned me from ever speaking or being with step grandson

DH needs a lesson in the meaning of reality. How do you take someone on vacation who can't be in your presence?

 

 

tog redux's picture

No way I'd go on vacation having to watch my back and worried that he was going to lie about me.

Tell DH he can take grandson alone. 

Goodluck's picture

My thoughts are OK...no vacation invite. As far as Christmas...send with dh IF he is invited to see his daughter.. a beautifully wrapped plate of christmas cookies MERRY CHRISTMAS From,  Bethany.  Thats IT.

Why are you pushing this craziness?

And for birthdays...mail a card. No money no gift card...a card is thoughtful.

 

 

 

 

susanm's picture

Your DH is mad at you because his daughter and his ex-wife forbid his grandson from being in your presence.  Is he also mad at you when it rains or when there is a traffic jam?  I am failing to see how you are supposed to be responsible for things you clearly have no control over.  And it is pretty clear from the kid's texts that he only cares about what you buy him.  Your DH should be embarassed to have inflicted these people on you and be apologizing to you.  Certainly not being angry!

hereiam's picture

Your husband is throwing fits about something that his daughter, his grandson, and his ex are responsible for.

If he is going to be mad, he needs to be mad at (and confront) the responsible parties.

Oh, he doesn't want to confront them but is okay with being angry at you and throwing tantrums around you. Okay.

I would not buy the kid a thing for Christmas, birthdays, or anything else.

Your husband should be ashamed.

Want2's picture

I wouldn’t care if he was there or not and I wouldn’t care if he saw me have a drink. I wouldn’t care what he said to me or about me or what BM and MIL thought. Other people don’t have that kind of power over me anymore. If DH wanted his gskid along and was willing to handle him I would say whatever dear. If it got unpleasant I’d ghost them for a while but I think I could have fun with or without them. 

Rags's picture

Lol.  Banned you from speaking to GSkid.  In your home. While GSkid is visiting with Grandpa?  Really?

What a bunch of morons.

So, treat them as what they are. Including the toxic little GSkid crotch turd.  That kid is screwed after being cursed with his shallow and polluted gene pool.  I would let DH know that he can see his GKid but that the GSkid nor his toxic mother are allowed in YOUR home.  As for the GM... just speak of her as the pathetic POS that she is. To anyone you speak to about her.

Lather rinse, repeat.

And enjoy a drink while you laugh at all of them with the appropriate high level of disdain.

smh

twoviewpoints's picture

Next year's vacation, leave DH at home too.

Take a couple girlfriends and enjoy life. 

Siemprematahari's picture

What the h@ll is wrong with your H? It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out why the grandson shouldn't go with you both. Does he want to add yet another thing on the list of something you "did" so it can turn into a federal case? Sometimes I wonder if some of these men really have their head stuck up their @ss that they can't see the severity of a situation.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Send him a card, that way in five or ten years it will leave a door open for you both. But I can see why you wouldn’t want to be bothered.... certainly don’t be alone with him if he is going to make up stories.

now onto a more ‘sensitive’ topic. Now I’m guessing you haven’t done anything to deserve the ‘evil’ label. So either you have a tough skin and it’s bounced off you, or you are hurting a lot. So you need to think of a way to emotionally protect yourself a little. 

The topic of tonight’s texts conversation was my mother in law calling me evil. My husband relayed a text to me that she had sent him. And it’s really not nice. (I’m not perfect but to cut a long story short, she married a wealthyish man back in 1960, didn’t have to work, is appalled by normal people, and brands people evil when it suits. so I am staying well away from her, forever).

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Actually, your H is miffed because you've changed, Bethany. You married into a dysfunctional family, and for years you went along with the crazy. Your H is used to you accepting poor treatment, as he's been able to bulldoze you regularly in the past. 

This is the phase of a newish disengagement where the people who used to wipe their feet on you start testing your boundaries for weak points. Stay strong, girl. Your H is going to tantrum and try to get you back with the sick program. Maintain your stance, and take no sh!t. Eventually, he'll adapt.

sandye21's picture

Stand firm and don't budge.  What is stopping GS from telling a very harmful and destructive lie?  Don't allow that little toxic sh*t stirrer around you for even a second.  There have been people who have gone to prison for a child's lie.  Tell DH "No" and anything else, including not standing up for you, is a deal breaker.

piegirl's picture

Agree with Exjuliemccoy in this one! SGS is 15 yrs old, not a little kid - even the texts show that sadly he appears to be as manipulative as his BM/BGM re Christmas presents and the speaking ban. I agree with you, I wouldn't take him on holidays either!!

SacrificialLamb's picture

Julie as always has nailed it. These DHs don't like it when they realize we have finally had enough. That's when they get to decide if they want to have a marriage or chase overgrown babies.