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Fee at last...Free at last...

mom23ms's picture

Thank God Almight, Free at last!

That's right..I am moving out today! SO (of course while he was at work) and I had a huge nasty blow out. Lots of nasty and hurtful things were said and I decided that it is time for me to go.

It's bitter sweet for me because on one hand I don't have to deal with him, his ex, the kids, and then on the other hand I truly do love him and he is amazing to me and my own kids. But there comes a time that I have to put my happiness and sanity into the picture. My BKs are being by bullied by his and after promise after promise he would address the issues, he doesn't. He would just rather not get them to "spare their feelings." It's not right.

I don't want to be the reason why he doesn't get his kids and now I see that it is. I stumbled across an Email he received from an ex co worker of his. She is a nurse at the hospital he use to work at. He became great friends with her and her husband. As a matter of fact she only lives a mile away. So before I moved in, he, the kids and her, her husband, and kids all got together and did stuff all the time.

I moved in and she didn't think it was "right" so SO and her had a blow out. However BM was still allowing my 2 older FSDs to go over there and do things with them and their kids, and babysit. Apparently one of the FSDs or both of them recently went over there and bashed me.
She ended up sending an Email to my SO the other day (which I just found) saying that how could he "choose a piece of ass over his kids) and how "this new piece of ass is manipulating him not to see his kids. She was vial to me and my children whom we have NEVER met.

I did see where SO fired back and admitted it wasn't true and it was HIM who didn't go get them because it was easier not to deal with them. SO confronted the 2 girls and of course they all lied and said how much they love me. But it was them because they discussed personaly things that went on in my house that only they knew. I am good enough to take them places, spend money on them but then they do this to me?

I am the one who encourages SO to get his kids and learn to discipline. He doesn't. It's all on him but of course I get the blame. No matter how much I love him and dislike his children, I do NOT want to be blamed why he doesn't have a relationship with his kids. Because he never did this until I moved in. He would always bitch and complain about them but still let them run wild. When he started to toughen up when I moved in, they didn't like it.

He has an amazing relationship with my kids and I am not sure how they are going to take it, (they are at their dad's house this weekend.) My SO truly loves them and me. But...I have to put his kids needs and wants first and apparently they are crying out. I have been the "glorified maid" for way to long.

He is begging me to give him a week, but last week he wanted a week, and the week before he wanted a week. It just never changes. I don't know if I will continue to see him or not. If I do it will be without involving any kids but then again, what kind of relationship will we ever have? I truly thought I found the love of my life....I just didn't realize it wasn't what it seemed.


caregiver1127's picture

Mom23ms's good for you the first couple of weeks are going to be so painful - but as a lot of posters have said on here the relief that you feel is palpable - and if they were bullying your children that is reason enough to get out. It won't be easy and it will be very painful and sad for a while but I am telling you one day your children will come up to you and thank you for putting them ahead of your own wants and needs - it is truly amazing what we as SM's are expected to put up with.

As for the friend that wrote that email - something is not quite right there - to judge a woman you have never met on the word of some kids is just wrong and obviously she is not a SM and has never dealt with it and I am sure that she probably has no friends that deal with it.

I am praying for your kids sake that you stay strong and move on and please let us know how your are doing and remember we are always here so if you feel sad, mad or want to share something good we are here to listen!!!

distorted reality's picture

Maybe this will be the wake-up call he needs to finally get his house in order. The future is not set in stone so anything IS possible. Take care of you first and the rest will follow. Best wishes on your new start in life. Smile

uptohere's picture

Good luck! I am very much in awe of your courage and determination to make a better life for you and your own kids. I was too afraid to do the same when I was in a similar situation. I have so much respect for you. Like everyone else says, the first couple of weeks will be hard and sad, but once the peace settles in, you will know you did the right thing.
just because you took this step DOESN'T necessarily mean your SO can't change and see the light and start parenting right. The door might be shut on him, but it's not locked. Who knows what could happen, but like other posters said, just take care of yourself and everything will fall into place.

IslandofDreams's picture

I wish you all the best! This is a difficult decision to make about your relationship. Remember, sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take two steps forward. Hopefully, your SO will come to his senses after you are gone.