I know I am wrong....
It has been a few months since the two older daughters have seen their dad. They are still refusing to and BM wont make them. Even after the eldest wishing death on her father (who is sick) he still tries to talk to her. But they are refusing to own up to anything. Heck, they wont even answer their phone when he calls.
So when is enough, enough? Is it ever okay to just thrown in the towel and just be done with them? BM is blaming SO (or whatever our relationship is.) The girls hate their father and blame him when he doesnt jump when they say jump anymore.
I would love nothing more then for him to just walk away. Yes I know that is horrible for me to say, but they wont have any contact with him at all. I see him trying and trying and they just keep resisting. When they arent around, things are great.
The thought of them sets me off with an anxiety attack. Like I said, I know I am wrong for wanting them out of the picture, but when is enough, enough?
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I guess I want to add that BM
I guess I want to add that BM is a moron. You know she is always telling SO that the girls are better off WITHOUT him and how she wishes he would just walk away from them and how he is this and that. Yet she goes around to her friends saying what a deadbeat he is because he wont swe them. He has tried to see them, he continues to try but she wont help in the matter. And they flat out refuse to come and visit.
BM says she wants him tl completely walk out of their lives and how she wants them 100% and how much better they would be but....of course she wants the monthly CS check. Ugh....sorry. Just venting.
We have had this experience
We have had this experience also, maybe not quite as bad. I read Divorce Poison and they, the 'experts' say, you should not get angry at the child who is being PASed. But of course I am horrible and that is what I did.
I don't know if that led to my DH getting perturbed also, to the point where he did stop reaching out to SD, this has been at various ages from say 12-19 now, their estrangement has come and gone several times. The longest was almost a year at around age 16-17.
I think it actually helped his situation when he decided he was not going to beg his own child to talk to him. SD supposedly was angry over their divorce which happened when she was 5. I think BM is the one that could not let it go.
I suspect BM is mentally ill but refuses to get effective treatment, just wants the victim status. Oh yes, and the child support payment (which continues to age 21 in their state). But no input or influence from the OTHER PARENT of her child, he is not worthy because BM kicked him out, twice, 15 years ago, and divorced him.??
DH finally said look, I refuse to ever discuss these adult matters with you again SD - that was between me and your mother (after giving his side once she was I think 15, never a bad word against the crazy b. before that and then, just the facts of what happened) and I have moved on and she needs to also.
The good news is that once he stops chasing, eventually they reach out to him. It really pisses me off because SD showed no concern over her dad's health problems either, or several bad setbacks he has had, due to holding on to dumb sh)t from the past. Thankfully, now at 19, she possibly seems to be improving and things have been 'better' for at least the past few months.
So I say definitely stop reaching out. We discussed and my DH was forced to realize, what is he going to do if SD refuses to have anything to do with him? The bills go on, our lives go on, we have to work, we have to relax from work, and shouldn't this be a reciprocal relationship anyway? He could not kill himself with stress worrying about someone who 'hates' him, regardless of who it is. I mean really!
So please share that with your DH, and let him know, I think to back off is how to deal with the situation. It is embarrassing to explain that your kid doesn't want to visit, but that is exactly what we ended up doing. Then people who know us and DH and the person he/we are, started thinking, there is something wrong here. And supporting us, which is what helped us get through it (and StepTalk, thank GOD!). Keeping it quiet only protects the people who are ABUSING you, and yes I believe this is ABUSE on their part.
Sorry honey and hope this helps - HUGS. p.s. no gifts or acknowledgements were sent during estranged periods.
Yes it is a form of
Yes it is a form of abuse....I have the same thing happening here...
the skids lie about me, my kids, their father everything- they say they wont come over here because of me and my kids....and so I turned that around saying to my husband and his family that they are actually trying to break up our marriage....which is of course theunderlying truth....
these teenage rotters would rather their father be unhappy and divorce me because then they would be happier...so its all about them...
lucky for me my husband refusers to get into the game of taking them anywhere without me....cos they demand that stuff....
quite frankly I hope they just go away in a puff of thin air....but they wont....
I did read on this site that same thing occured to some other family and in the end the father grew to not like his children very much anymore as they had been raised by the weirdo BM and had picked up her values and charecteristics to the point that noone liked them anymore
thats already happening here with us too.....why would you wanna be around your kids when they are bad mouthing your spouse and demanding you do things for them...when they can be with their wives or husbands who go out of their ways to make each other feel loved, happy, cherished, happy, and everything else.... wot a sweet little game we all play....
Hey mom23ms! I don't know a
Hey mom23ms!
I don't know a lot of background about your situation or about how things with your SO & his kids grew to be so hateful by them towards him (shows how powerful a BM's PAing can be & once again confirms that PA should be criminalized - but I digress...).
I think MostEvil's answer is SPOT ON and I agree with her 100%. ESPECIALLY for the fact that your SO is in poor health!!! What is WRONG with his kids?!? The eldest wished DEATH on her own father?!? Knowing that he was ill? She's got SERIOUS mental issues - she's old enough to know better. She's also old enough to know that there are CONSEQUENCES to when you treat someone so poorly. She needs to get her head out of her ass - she's an ADULT. Imagine how she would feel if she kept this nonsense up and something SERIOUS happened to her Dad (i.e. coma or even worse, death)????
Milomom's diagnosis: Seems like she has a severe case of JUST.LIKE.HER.BM-itis.
It's sad, but your SO needs to IGNORE her - DISOWN her if totally necessary. She doesn't deserve to have a father in her life, nevermind a loving one.
She will NEVER, EVER learn the error of her ways if he keeps on CHASING HER!! :sick: :sick: :sick:
Have you actually sat down with him and asked him why he does this? Or is he so blind to it all that he doesn't even see a problem? Also, how old are his kids?